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My girlfriend is frequently down or upset

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Strange post here, but my girlfriend is quite often down in the dumps or upset, or something. I just worry because a while ago she wasn't really, but recently she's seemed to be upset quite often. It's never really the same thing, either she's worried about school, worried about her pony, worried about me or some variation, but all with different circumstances. These in themselves aren't anything to worry about - everyone gets upset afterall - but the frequency is concerning me. By that I mean she's upset two or three times every week - it's not just minor bugs either, she'll feel down about it for a whole evening, have a few good crys etc.

I don't know, most people I know don't seem to get upset this often, and I'm wondering if it could be hormones or something like that (since she's recently started going on one of the pills I think). I guess it's none of my business, but I do worry about her. Also, she seems to get upset easier. Like today, she went on a school trip so didn't see me at school and then we couldn't see each other after school - seems fine normally - but she was really upset on the phone, saying she missed me.

I don't know what to think or do, I don't know if it's just normal teenage things or something serious like depression, but when you see someone you care about a lot really upset several times a week, it makes you worry. She's also got her GCSEs coming up and she's suffering quite badly with pressure, I've just tried to be supportive and tell her not to worry so much, I don't think I can take an incredibly active role in this because it's her being upset. I just wish I could help, somehow.

Any advice much appreciated, cheerios :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if shes feeling under pressure anyway coz of gcses then other things do seem really upsetting, especially if shes hormonal as well. or she might be depressed

    just need to be supportive and caring and try and encourage her to talk about it, not much else u can do
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, the pill could definitely have something to do with it, or she could just be pre-menstural. I know sometimes I have a couple of weeks where I just get upset about everything for no reason and cry over the smallest things, if she is generally feeling down then even the smallest things are going to be amplified into something bigger. Just give her lots of hugs and be there for her, its only if it continues for a longer period time then I think that will be the time to start worrying. Also talking to her about it might help?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, I have been having the exact same problems as your girlfriend ShyBoy. I'm still investigating if it is the pill im taking or something more sinister. Mine are frequent also and can last for a whole evening, sometimes crying, etc. For me, I think it's stress-related because I do worry about things too much sometimes. I never used to be an overly sensitive person, but since being on the pill, I have been.

    I think its good that you have noticed something because you could see it as a bitch mood or something. My bf tries to ask me what's wrong, but sometimes I dont feel like sharing and would like to be left alone. i like lighting candles and stuff to keep me relatxed and take some yoga classes which have helped. Maybe you could try creating an calming atmosphere for her too (that's if you are round her house or whatever). The best you can do is just be there for her and reassure her when needed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yep...I agree. You should just try to be there for her and give her lots of hugs and reassurance that everything will be okay.

    I worry about everything and I worry about worrying, its totally ridiculous. Also, Im always getting upset over what seems like nothing and I have these insane mood swings and I think its mainly due to hormones. I had my exams recently and in the run up to them I was a bit of a mess, crying at anything...I just felt so stressed and pressured. So give her space to revise and encourage her, and try to work to her "timetable" for a bit. :)

    Oh, and I think its great you noticed and you are worried. Dont keep asking her if she is okay though...just let her know she can talk to you if she needs or wants to. And whilst she is with you try to take her mind off her troubles :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think shes probably totally normal! I do this alot especially the thing about her getting upset because she hadnt seen you and missed you! Ive done that to my bf before when hes said he has to stay home and do work, ive started crying even though i know there is no reason to at all i just cant stop myself! Ive only started being like this in the past five months, its really strange! Guess thats just women for you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like its a mixture of everything shyboy, she is probably feeling pressured about her exams and her hormones are probably all over the place due to the pill. I agree with everyone else, best thing you can do is just be there for her, give her lots of cuddles etc, if you can, relieve as much pressure as possible off of her. Give her encouragement about her exams, offer to help with revision etc
    If she wants to talk then I'm thinking you'd be one of the first people she'd turn to maybe? so be prepared to listen if thats what she wants to do.
    I know I have moments when I'm all over the place and I just want loads of cuddles and normally I can't think of any reason why!?
    It's brilliant that you have picked up on this though, other lads may have just put it down to being pre-menstrual and left it at that! :rolleyes:
    Good Luck! :)
    Luv
    Millsy_Magic
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Another detail I'd like to add: at our school there is quite a lot of people who could be described as 'chavs', now I don't want to be prejudiced, but I'm just using that as a term to describe them collectively. At my school, these people are abusive and in basic words, stupid bullies. They give most people who aren't their friends etc. grief, but some people are worse affected - my girlfriend happens to be one of these.

    The other evening she came to mine after school upset, she had been in an after school drama class when 4 or 5 of these eople walked in, opened the CD player and ran off with her CD. She later found it abadoned in one of the classrooms, but it was quite distressing to her because she doesn't want the hassle (as do none of us). I really don't see what I can do though, I'm not the confrontational type, a wimp perhaps, and besides - it was girls who did it so it wouldn't really be fair of me to start a fight with them.

    My girlfriend is adamant the the school realises what happens on a day to day basis (I've got to give it to her, it's pretty obvious to see) and the teachers do nothing. This is one of those things that really gets her down from time to time when there is an episode because it causes that dreadful fear you get as well, when you're almost looking round corners in case 'they' are on the other side. I really want to help her but it seems I'm almost powerless to do so, unless I directly challenge the staff, but that's an issue for my girlfriend to take up with them because it would be unfair of me to go and 'intefere' when she just wants to keep a low profile.

    Having taken your advice on board though, I just try to distract her from the daily hardships and things, and try to create a kind of mental retreat for her, where she can forget and relax. Saying, and doing is a different thing however, but hopefully with a little time I can succeed in getting her to chill out once in a while :thumb: thankyou very much for your advice everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    schools usually get all stressy when parents complain about bullying coz it affects their offsted reports. get her parents to make a formal complaint
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