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People *should* ask these questions of themselves though because it is a possibility. The questions of "what would I do if...?" should not be ignored, and if someone is not able to face them then they shouldn't be having sex.
You have to be aware of the consequences and your question is valid. But sex imo is fun, I don't have sex with someone because I want to marry them, be the father of their child etc. etc. etc. I'm having sex with my gf now because we both enjoy it, I haven't weighed up whether she will be a good mother or wife, I'm too young to be thinking like that and i'm 22.
Just to point out I also said "I understand what your saying ginner", I just thought it was taken to an extreme.
ETA: me and my gf take precautions and don't "plan" on having a baby, mistakes happen which is fair enough but you can't go about planning for mistakes all your life. If you planned for mistakes all your life you wouldn't have time to eat your tea never mind have sex.
i don't see why you shouldn't be able to consider if your partner would make a decent father / mother. It should be a consideration, unless
a) You are a bloke and consider that should your gf fall pregnant you will just fuck off
or
b) You are a girl and consider that should you get pregnant you will tell your boyfriend to fuck off and bring the kid up yourself.
I can't see why you would ask the question of yourself and not of your sexual partner, that makes no sense to me at all.
This still all goes back to the fact of planning for mistakes, forget pregnancy and think of life. If you planned for everything that could go wrong in life, man your head would be fucked up and like I said before you'd be so busy planning for stuff to go wrong you wouldn't have time for anything.
anyhows gotta go, buzzer at works just gone.
IMO if you are not able to take all the responsibilities for your actions you should not do it. There is a possibility of getting pregnant with having sex so you should be aware of this when going into bed with some random guy.
You need to know fully about contraception too.
Having sex is not a thing to be taken lightly and if you think it's just "a 10 minute fuck" or whatever then you are not taking full responsibility for all your actions.
Maybe I am quite prudish in my beliefs but I would not consider getting into bed with someone unless I knew perfectly well what I was doing and the possible consequences.
And of course Im listening to you all about the contraception. I certainly wouldn't want to get pregnant at this age, and my boyfriend doesn't want that happening. I am on the pill, and he certainly would use a condom, is that the safest thing to do?
Sarah xxxx
As littlemissy said, you're making the right decision by waiting, I just hope you stick by it.
I know I shouldn't be all judgmental and shit but this is getting rediculous. Where are these kids' parents?
Technically no. The safest thing to do is to not have sex.
It's not an ideal situation, but it's better to give them the information that they need, and draw upon one's own experiences so that they can go away and make their own minds up, rather than just say 'Don't do it' - how often does that really work?
I am getting a little tired of everyone saying that if you have sex under 16, you'll regret it when you're older - fair enough that a lot of people might, but I do not know one person that waited until 16 to lose their virginity and I also do not know one person that regrets it, including myself. At 14, I was the same size, height, breast size etc. as I am now, I had exactly the same perspectives and attitudes towards sex and relationships, I was as ready to have sex as I am now and I've never regretted it for an instant. As has already been said, being 16 doesn't suddenly make having sex okay, if it were my son or daughter I would prefer them to lose their virginity in a relationship at 14 than in a one night stand at 16.
As for "you shouldn't even want it" - why the hell not! Children get sexual urges as young as the age of 8 these days and many begin exploring there bodies at these ages - of course it isn't something as a parent I would find easy to accept, but it is true nonetheless. I think it is perfectly normal for a 14 year old girl who has been having periods for several years, is mostly or fully developed to want to have sex with someone else. Throughout the ages girls have been expected to start having children at the age of 13-15, I think its good that there are now laws in place to protect children and young teenages from peadophiles and from it being socially acceptable to start having children this young, but it still doesn't mean that no one under 16 is ready to have sex - there are probably plenty of 14-15 year olds out there that are more mature than some 18-19 year olds I know.
I think it is insulting to young people to suggest that they only want sex "because its what their friends are doing" or "because they saw it on Hollyoaks". Perhaps young people are influenced by peer pressure and pressure from the media etc in some circumstances, but there are also a large proportion of young people who enter into a sexual relationship because they feel ready, because they are with someone that they love and because they are mature enough to do it.
Sorry for the rant but it is something I feel very strongly about, I am aware that there are still a lot of young people who shouldn't be having sex, who aren't mature enough, but this girl seems to have it sorted to me - her boyfriend and her have discussed it in a mature way, they have both talked about and actively sought out contraception, neither of them is pressurising the other and they are willing to let their relationship develop emotionally and sexually before they take the final plunge. Compared to some people I know who are over 16 but "don't use a condom because it feels better" and who sleep with several different people in the space of the average month, I don't really see much wrong with this particular situation. Perhaps its just me..! :nervous:
People's bodies and desires develope at different rates, and perhaps you really do feel ready to go ahead and sleep with your boyfriend. I've always found it strange to have a legal age limit for doing something willingly with your own body.
That said, the law exists now, and I would recommend sticking to it. Pregnancy asside, you and your boyfriend can get into trouble if anyone finds out.
The other thing I'd like to mention, and I don't mean to sound patronising, but at the age of 14, not many people really know what love is. I know I didn't, when I look back at the relationships I had. When you are older, you may look back and wish you had waited for someone even more special to come along. And if this guy really does love you, then the relationship should last with or without sex, so ask yourself if it isn't worth waiting until it is legal.
Just be careful, and think about this all rationally. It may seem unfair, but I really believe that now is not the time. Don't be in such a hurry to do what the adults are doing - have a bit more childhood while you can.
Leave well alone, but I guess its nothing less that we've come to expect in this world of ours today.
spend a few more months just sexually getting to know each other and when u eventually do do it, you will both feel more comfortable about it.
just out of interest, are you both able to talk to your parents or do you not have that sort of relationship?
Heavy petting aye, because everyone done that. But full sex? A wee boy's willy?! AHHH yuck. It's every pedophiles fantasy. :yuck:
I lost it at 15 and although I regret it slightly if I could go back in time I would probably still do it. Reason I regret it was becuase I did it to shut him up. I could have made him wait alot longer, I know now that he would have waited for me. He just went on abit when he had an idea in is head.
I reconmend you do wait a bit, get to know each others bodies, explore and wot not.
Though I have to agree with 1983, as tackfully as she put it, he is not going to be very developed down there so condoms might not even fit him.....
You make some valid points in your post, but the fact remains that the two people involved here are very young. They should be enjoying being young, and not moving into the world of sex and all its complications.
I can say because I am older that the time when you are young and have no worries is a time to be cherished, and that it would be a foolish thing to do to leave that behind so early.
Also, you talk about maturity, but you only have to look at some of the language and the emoticons that are in this girl's post that started the thread to see that it's *not* a particularly mature outlook, it's one full of an amount of fear covered up by nervousness. I personally don't think that that is the frame of mind that you should be in when considering sex.
Do you think, that isn't the impression I got at all from her posts but I agree with you that you should have sex because you want to and feel comfortable with doing it. I guess it is difficult to tell when you're on the net but I just got the impression from her that she was quite comfortable with it all.
I understand what you say about being young is a time to be cherished, but to be honest I think for most young people these days childhood is being left behind by the age of about 12, I know the friends of my ten year old sister already talk about who wants to shag who and who can't get over their break up with who, and that definitely *is* wrong.
at the end of the day though if a mind is already made up all you can do is offer advice
And thankyou to the people that were actually nice to me on this board, you all gave me some great advice!
Sarah xxx
And Im not being immature, I was only saying what I thought. I was trying to actually be mature. Maybe I just shouldnt bother trying to explain my reasons of being upset.
You're 14, don't have sex with him.
You got no hurtful posts that I can see. The people in this thread are saying what they think, and, like it or not, some people are going to disagree with people as young as you and your boyfriend having sex.
Going off the deep end and throwing a strop about a few random comments will only serve to reinforce people's ideas that there's no way that you are emotionally ready for sex.
Someone may have used the phrase "A peodophile's dream", but that isn't actually insulting you, it's telling things like it is.
here's the question that you actually put at the start of the thread
So, should you talk to your friend about it? Probably, but if your reaction will be like it has been to the people here when she reproaches you, I shouldn't bother.
She will bring up your age, as will other people, because it is a factor, like it or not.
u asked for advice - we have a responsibility to make sure we tell you the truth, even if its not what you want to hear.
no-one is shouting at you, no-one used capitals. most people are just trying to help u.
It has become socially 'correct' to have sex at 16 or older more as time has gone on, but our bodies let us do it earlier then this. We want to do it, and our 'equipment' is ready for it yet the law says we must wait until we are 16.
What it really is, is the law says you must be 16 to have sex because this is when it was thought the couple were responsible enough to have a child.
But how many of us have sex for fun compared to the amount that have sex for children??
Have a think about that for a bit...
"If there's grass on the wicket, time to play cricket!" HOWEVER... you are 14, he is 13. a couple of years ago and your both 10!! Wait a year or something. to me two 15 year old kids isn't wrong, but as yound as 13 and 14 is a bit young to be honest. Wait a bit - it's much better after a long wait, trust me