Heeelllpp!

Former Member

Hey everyone,

Im 14, and my boyfriend is 7 months younger (14 in June, so hes 13). Im really in love with him Hehehe...

So yeah, anyway, lately we have had really good chats about sex , and everything, and I guess its made us stronger. Hes admitted to me that he really wants to have sex with me, and I know hes not just using me, because I really do know hes not that kind of guy I have also told him I really want to have sex with him aswel, and theres a huge possibility we will!

What I'm most troubled about is if I should tell my best friend. Shes really really argumentitive on sex, she always says, "If anyone has sex under 16, they're a slag!" which although I do get her point, I find it unfair. I really need to talk to someone about it, and I want it to be her. Should I talk to her about it?

(btw please dont talk about our ages, I know what I'm getting into, lol )

Cheers everyone, Sarah xxxx

Former Member

even if you dont want to talk about ages, i've got to say that there is a very good reason the legal age is 16 - and it's not about being a slag. most people who do it before then live to regret it.

i do think you need to talk to your mate, and accept she has valid reasons for being against it.

if you do decide you are going to do it u need to also talk about it to an adult, no comprimising on that one! brook are particularly helpful and if you really cant talk to your mum or gp (reccomended) they will give you good advice about contraception- really important. or you could try family planning clinic. either way PLEASE dont even think about it until you have proper contraception sorted.

Former Member

nicebutdim23 wrote:

most people who do it before then live to regret it.

that's a bit of a generalisation!

i was 15 and don't regret it at all - how long have you guys been together? one of the things i'd probably say is try doing other stuff first just to see if you even like it.

if your friend would be so quick to condem you to being a slag then she's probably isn't too good of a friend to be honest.

you can pm me and talk if you want - i know i'd never talk to my parents about sex stuff as we just don't have that liberal of a relationship!

but if you do decide to do it make sure you use a condom.

Former Member

paperBprincess wrote:

that's a bit of a generalisation!

i was 15 and don't regret it at all - how long have you guys been together? one of the things i'd probably say is try doing other stuff first just to see if you even like it.

if your friend would be so quick to condem you to being a slag then she's probably isn't too good of a friend to be honest.

you can pm me and talk if you want - i know i'd never talk to my parents about sex stuff as we just don't have that liberal of a relationship!

but if you do decide to do it make sure you use a condom.

Thanks very much!! We've been together for 2 months now. I know it seems silly, but we've loved each other for nearly a year, we've just been on and off, but i just hope this lasts for a looonnggg time.

Im going to ask him if I can give him a bj before we jump into bed so quickly. I'm not quite sure what the technique is! :nervous: Hehehe.. I guess I just have to learn :thumb:

Sarah xxxx

Former Member

Smarah wrote:

Thanks very much!! We've been together for 2 months now. I know it seems silly, but we've loved each other for nearly a year, we've just been on and off, but i just hope this lasts for a looonnggg time.

Im going to ask him if I can give him a bj before we jump into bed so quickly. I'm not quite sure what the technique is! :nervous: Hehehe.. I guess I just have to learn :thumb:

Sarah xxxx

use the search facily, been a few posts on oral sex technique

failing that use google

Former Member

Smarah wrote:

Thanks very much!! We've been together for 2 months now. I know it seems silly, but we've loved each other for nearly a year, we've just been on and off, but i just hope this lasts for a looonnggg time.

Im going to ask him if I can give him a bj before we jump into bed so quickly. I'm not quite sure what the technique is! :nervous: Hehehe.. I guess I just have to learn :thumb:

Sarah xxxx

Consider the possibility that should your choice of contraception fail to work in nine months time you could be a mother and he could be the father of your children - for life. A child comes first and will be there, needing your attention for as long as you wil be. It'd definitely be a wrecker of any other plans you may have. Would he be a good father? Would he be a good husband? Could you possibly know that after 2 months? I'm not sure whether at 14 I was willing to risk incurring that much responsibility.

My advice would be to be more patient, there's no rush, you're both in it for the long term, willing to wait for eachother, you have plenty of time ahead to decide on what it is you want.

Former Member

I suggest waiting a while. It really wont hurt to wait, and part of the excitement is the build up to it. If you really are going to do it anyway, then definitely sort out some contraception. Always use a condom.

Former Member

It sounds as if your friend would be very concerned if you told her you were thinking about having sex with your boyfriend. Is there anyone else you can confide in? Do you have a youth worker at your school, or a close family member?

Also, it would be a good idea for both of you to go down to a family planning clinic to discuss contraception options if you haven't already.

I don't want to sound preachy, but although you might think you know what you're getting into, nothing is 100%. I work for Marie Stopes, which you probably know is an abortion provider. We regularly see girls under the age of 16 who didn't realise they were pregnant because their periods were so irregular etc. We had a 14 year old girl in yesterday having a termination at 22 weeks. It's a huge thing to go through at your age. What I'm trying to get across is that you might want to wait a while and experiment in other ways before having full on sex, while at the same time, you both get confident with contraception and your bodies.

Obviously, this isn't to say that similar things will happen to you, I'm just presenting the scenario as it happened, but at your age, I can't stress how important it is to be in a position where you can get help if you need it, for example, family planning clinics, where to get emergency contraception etc your local advice finder might be good for this.

Hope this helps

Former Member

Well I lost my virginity to a slightly older guy when I was 14, but we had been together several months and had done other stuff sexually first. I think in a way its better to just do other stuff first so you can really get to know each other sexually and find out what you're comfortable with and what you both like - you can have a lot of fun doing other stuff before it all just becomes about sex! I don't regret losing my virginity young at all, but then I was with the guy for two years before it ended.

It is important of course to use proper protection as I'm sure you know, it would probably be wise for you to go on the pill and also to use condoms, just to make doubly sure there were no mistakes.

Of course at the end of the day it is your decision, but if you and your boyfriend have had fallings out in the past you have to consider the possibility of losing your virginity to him and then breaking up soon afterwards, and how that would make you feel. Obviously I don't know the circumstances of the relationship and things might be great, but you don't want to rush into sex with someone you've had difficulities with in the past.

As for your best friend, you don't have to consult her, obviously the decision is entirely up to you at the end of the day. Having sex under 16 does not make you a slag, but of course if she does take this kind of attitude then you will have to deal with the consequences. Is she the kind of friend that is likely to tell the world you're sleeping with someone because she disapproves, as obviously this could be very difficult and uncomfortable for you?

Former Member

paperBprincess wrote:

that's a bit of a generalisation!

not a generalisation, statistical fact provided by fpc

Former Member

nicebutdim23 wrote:

not a generalisation, statistical fact provided by fpc

90% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Can you provide a link to this study please.

Former Member

nah sorry, twas on a poster in the waiting room when i went two years ago,next to all the ones bout condoms, hiv ,etc. just stuck in my mind. quite like the ones that are in there at the mo, with the naked man and woman shaking hands and a diagram going up showing how many people they had slept with.
sorry Rainbow, that doesnt help really does it?
i'll withdraw the comment if people think its irrelevent... but the people i know who started early did all regret it - even the boys.maybe its just where i come from

Former Member

I think people who are promiscuous from an early age often have self esteem issues, and I dont think its really healthy to start having sex in your early teens, but I think some studies can be misleading. Did the survey say why they regretted it? was it because they were underage or was it because they werent in a stable relationship, or was it because in hindsight they wish their first time had been with a later current partner? It could be anything.
If it was my child, id rather she had sex at 14 with a boyfriend she really liked and had talked about it first and was happy with it and doing it for the right reasons, rather than a one night stand at age 16. I know its not as if its only a choice between those two options, but what I mean, is age isnt necessarily the only issue if someone feels ready. I do think its advisable to wait though, because there is always the legal aspect of it, which shouldnt be overlooked.

Former Member

ok - i know i say you really love him - and im not trying to undermine that. but im in my early twenties and when i think back to guys i was going out with when i was 14/15 - i thought i loved them then but laugh about it now.
My opinion is that you're so young - mess about with each other and get to know your bodies before you have sex.....so much fun to be had without worrying bout pregnancy which is what can happen....
i did the touchy feely stuff when i was your age and then slept with someone first when i was old - someone im so in love with...
it is your decision and from your posts it seems like you already have made up your mind - just promise us you'll use a condom and dont be fooled by the - 'i'll pull out before i cum' - it doesnt work.
best of luck hun. x

Former Member

true. no there was just a pic of a girl looking unhappy.

was just trying to emphasise the point there is a legal age limit... if her mum finds out and is unhappy with it she can have the boy charged with rape. if she can talk to her mum fine, then she probably wont have to worry about this angle of it, but if she cant then it needs to be considered.

i wasnt having a go, just really really feel that there are other things they can do until they know each other ( in a relationship context) and having been in such a distressful situation cant stress contraception enough, especially as they are very young.

Former Member

a good thing about waiting is that sex can be a worry sometimes and also it can affect things like your relationships with your girlie friends and also your studys. dont you think you'd be so much happier not having to worry bout pregnancy and all that - you're 14 - enjoy be thating age and the fact you dont have loads of responsibility!!!

definitly agree bout the underage thing..wait til you're older girl!!! and if your boyfriend loves you he'll understand. if i guy is in love with you he'll never push you into anything that you dont wanna do. and whatever you do -= dont have sex just to make him happy or think it'll make him stay with you for ages - thats not how things work!!

Former Member

It's also important to realise, that at the young age of 14, you're not even halfway through puberty and your body is still growing. It is unhealthy for a child of your age to be having sexual intercourse, as the reproductive system isn't at all ready.

You also should know that the earlier you have sexual relationships, you increase the chances of Cervical Cancer and other reproductive problems later in life.

If you do decide to go ahead with it, remember to always use a condom, and that abortion isn't another form of 'contraception' - it's not a morning after pill.


(Sex at 14. Makes me shudder. I dunno how they do it. :yuck: )

Ilora x

Former Member

Smarah wrote:

Hey everyone,

Im 14, and my boyfriend is 7 months younger (14 in June, so hes 13). Im really in love with him Hehehe...

So yeah, anyway, lately we have had really good chats about sex , and ...

To be honest most things about your post suggest that you're very nervous about sex. In my reckoning, I don't think you're ready. And if I'm perfectly honest I don't think that you really are in love with your boyfriend, though you may think so.

I think you should wait.

Former Member

im sure u know as well that the m.a.p is not a regular method of contraception either - i got pregnant the only time i took it, and it was only 9hours after the condom burst.

Former Member

Mist wrote:

To be honest most things about your post suggest that you're very nervous about sex. In my reckoning, I don't think you're ready. And if I'm perfectly honest I don't think that you really are in love with your boyfriend, though you may think so.

I think you should wait.

i love mist's honesty. blunt and to the point, like being smacked in the face with a large book. i'll remember to ask u when i want tough love!

Former Member

shit seriously??? and u didnt throw it up or anything. never heard of that happen before - scary thought.

Former Member

lol

Former Member

Ilora-Danon wrote:

I
You also should know that the earlier you have sexual relationships, you increase the chances of Cervical Cancer

:yes: Thats true. There is a proven link (google it and see)
The other thing to consider is you may be young, but your boyfriend is even younger. You definitely should try and wait as long as you can. Enjoy the relationship without sex.

Former Member

I agree with most of the above posters you should thing very carefully before having sex at such a young age. If you feel old enought to cope with the prospect of going to the FPC or your doctor to sort out contraception or to walk into a chemist and ask for condoms then your half way ready for sex, now check that you feel comfortable with the prospect of having a cervical smeer or internal examination for STDs. Then think about the prospect of getting pregnant and having to deal with an abortion - which belive me was hard enough at 21 let alone 14 - or with having a baby for the rest of your life - and then if you think your mature enough to cope with all these things you are ready to have sex.

On the plus side I really do belive that you love your boyfriend so take some time to ummm get to know each other - start with mutual masturbation, then move on to oral sex and re evaluate weather you want to have sex after you've got these to mastered - because a) full blown sex isnt' the be all and end all of everything and b) you will have lots of fun practicing before hand.

littlemissy

nicebutdim23 wrote:

i love mist's honesty. blunt and to the point, like being smacked in the face with a large book. i'll remember to ask u when i want tough love!

He's being honest which is a rarity these days.

The original poster asked for advice and he gave (what I think anyway) what was good advice. I agree with him.

From a physical point of view Ilora Danon is quite right. Most 14 year olds aren't developed enough for sex, but at the same time, it doesn't stop a lot.

Secondly, I have seen the posters around too so I urge you to think carefully about it all.

However, I have a sneaky feeling you have already made your mind up so just be careful, go as far as you want to go, don't feel forced into doing anything you don't want to and remember to us protection

Former Member

Wait.

Former Member

the penetration part is a very small part of the whole sexual relationship, and nearly all of that can be discovered and learned before you even think about actually having sex. learning to please him in other ways and him you, are more important to building a successful relationship than many people realise.

Former Member

You've had all sorts of opinions and advice already, but ultimately it comes down to a personal choice between yourself and your boyfriend.
Take a look at this article about deciding if you are ready for sex. There are lots of things to think about - yes, pregnancy is a big deal, but so is understanding the meaning of consent, being able to talk about your feelings and understanding the legal implications.

If you can go through this article and still feel that it is the right move, it's time to think sensibly about contraception. If you don't want to talk to your GP, go to one of the organisations below - and remember that pregnancy isn't the only issue - always protect against STIs by using a condom.

Brook Advisory Centres
Advice, counselling and medical help around contraception, pregnancy, abortion and sexual health.
Telephone: 0800 0185023
www.brook.org.uk

Family Planning Association
Information service on family planning and all aspects of sexual health.
Helpline: 0845 3101334
www.fpa.org.uk

Former Member

I agree with what everyone else has said TBH, can't really add to it - You're 14, enjoy being 14 and wait a while to have sex.

Former Member

I had sex when I was 15, after 9 months with my bf of the time. We stayed together a further 9 months, I had to wait personally. My ex ex tried to push me into sex at 13 personally I knew I wasn't ready at 13, but also he wasn't gonna be the guy I'd be doing it with. At 13, although to me seemed lovely and trustworthy, couldn't escape the fact that our off and on relationship and then the official ending of it, made me realise how immature at that age some girls and boys can be. He may seem great now but it's surprising how if you split, he might use your activities as a bitching point with his mates. My ex ex made up some filthy lies about the non-existent sexual activities that never even took place. Thankfully people realising he was tosspot quite soon on made people les likely to believe them. Wait is all I can suggest, I was very close to 16, a matter of about 2 months I believe and tbh it wouldn't have harmed to have waited. Explore each other first, your bodies are young, let em develop, and if he's really that keen on being with long term, hold out. Then, when you've been together a while, you'll know that you're both in for the long haul. One of my friends was in a relationship from age 13-17 and they waited till she was 16 - 3 whole years and it did their relationship good!

think carefully whatever your choices
Malt xxx

Former Member

ginner wrote:

Would he be a good father? Would he be a good husband? Could you possibly know that after 2 months? I'm not sure whether at 14 I was willing to risk incurring that much responsibility.

I understand what your saying ginner but come on, you seriously don't ask yourself all these questions before you have sex. You take all the precautions so you don't get pregnant, fair enough you have accidents but you don't plan for the accidents and therefore don't need to know whether the guy will be a good father before you jump in the sack.

I agree with most of what has being said. Only you know if your ready or not and if you are ready for it then just make sure you take all the precautions to stop becoming a mummy. Would you be a good mum/wife?? Now thats the question

Also, your bf is only 13, I don't think I had pubes then, lol, certainly wasn't in a position to show the ladies my piece. Suppose everyones different though cos a guy in my year had a beard in year 7, lol.

Best advice I think is to experiment with masturbating each other and oral and then if you feel ready after that then go for it, just be careful.