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Am I sick in the head????

Sorry to moan, but I dont understand what Im doing.

Ive been feeling really down at the mo, and have started cutting meself with scissors to make meself feel better.

That aint the prob tho- I dont like feeling down, but when I have a good day I dont feel right, and try as hard as I can to make meself feel depressed- listen to sad music, etc. Why do I do this, I should be greatful for the good days when I dont feel like I have to slice my arm open to stay in control. I wanna be well, but when I am I wanna be sad.

God, Im such a fucking idiot- why wont I just let meself have a bit of fucking peace now and again? Sorry for unloading on youse, I just dont understand nething nemore, and Im getting bored of it all.

The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're sick in the head.

    I don't have that many good days myself, although i've never really understood the cutting thing(my best friends cousin used to do it, but it wasn't really something that we talked about).

    I don't know if it's possible to make yourself depressed by listening to music. I've always found music a release from the humdrum of daily life. I am never without my walkman - why sit on a bus and listen to other peoples lives when you can go anywhere in your own musical world?

    I do know what you mean about not understanding anything and being bored because I feel like that most of the time. I could be sat with my friends having a really good time and then I just start to lose interest with everything around me. Not cos my friends are boring or cos what we're doing isn't interesting, just because.

    I think you should try and let the good days stay in your memory for longer and then you'll have less depressing things to think about.

    And as for the music, put your Smiths albums down and go for something joyous - Beck, Badly Drawn Boy? I don't know, I don't know what you consider depressing so I can't tell you whats better.

    And remember - it's just a bad patch, everybody goes through them at some time in their lives and they get through them and they are fine.

    Chris.

    Why don't you close your eyes and re-invent me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    P.S. I'm online most nights if you ever need to chat on MSN(If it every works again!)

    Why don't you close your eyes and re-invent me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to do that too (both cut myself and make myself feel depressed when I wasn't). I did it because even when I was having a good day, I felt empty, and at least when I was depressed I felt something stronger. It seems like really weird logic to me now but then it made a lot of sense.
    You really should talk to someone (friend, family, doctor) about this, you don't have to feel this bad! THere are things that can make you feel better, and WANT to feel better.

    rar! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/mica/bite.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi. sorry to hear ure feeling like shit. no ure not sick in the head (well i dunno, but i dont think u r. if u r i am as well, and so is around 10% of teh population)

    i sometimes get a bit pissed off when i feel happy, i think ist coz im so used to being depressed that i dont feel right when im happy. im not sure theres probaly some dumb stupid reason that a psychologist could come up with.

    i reckon u oughtta get help (unless u already are). i mean to be absolutley truthful "gettin help" doesnt really change much, but it does give u someone to talk to which can make a difference. medication (if u went down that route) can help a little, but so far ive found that its not made too much difference to me. i would recommend that u tell someone in ure life. i know its a well hard thing to do, ive been there, but u might feel better having a close friend who knows what ure going thru and tries to understand. ok fair enough u might not want to be understood, and for all i know u may not be suffering from clinical depression, i mean im not a doctor but thats what it sounds like to me. thats how i acted for a good few years before my best friend convinced me to go and see a doc.

    i got a weird feeling but it was kinda reassuring to know that i wasnt completely weird and if i wanted to just sit and sulk and feel sorry for myself, then im allowed to because in a way its normal. strange but true i guess.

    i just think thats its important to realise that ure not sick in teh head and ure also not alone in feeling/acting/being this way. i know im not exactly a reformed voice of experience but what ure feeling soudns a lot liek me. im on teh prozac and waiting to see a psychologist thing at the mo, and i think that if u want someone to talk to on a regular basis then thats something that i think u should consider.

    as for prozac, i know peopel can get thru this without medication, but i was putr on it and it sjust makes u feel a bit numb which is strange as well

    anyway i could probably sit here and type stuff all night but i wont. if u wanna talk u know where to find me. take care of ureself and keep in touch xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks ppl.

    Well, me mum saw the marks on my arm, and I admitted that Id done them myself- she knew as soon as she saw em, tho. I still cant atlk to her or anyone about what Im feeling, tho- nooen I know irl would understand; I wish I could tho. The docs aint an option for me- I went a few months ago and they said it were prob down to a virus I had. I only felt a bit sad then, tho; Ive only felt so depressed and desperate for a month,a nd this self-harm only started in the last coupla weeks. Dunno how long viruses last, certainly not 6 months, but if I go again theyll just laugh.

    As I said, I understand fuck all. Oh well....
    The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions.


    [This message has been edited by Kermit (edited 06-07-2001).]
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    i shoulda replied when i wasnt drunken. but other people got their first <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; not sick in the head. depression = illness. not sick in the head. maybe youhave depression, maybe you dont.

    arrrrrgh i shoudl NOT post to serious topics drunk. *hugs anyway*

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You aren't sick in the head.
    If you need to talk with people on-line who you know will understand, follow the link in my signature.
    It's a disorder, a problem with the levels of chemicals in your brain. It's not your fault, and you aren't fucked in the head.
    ~** Jess

    <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://trinitywings.netfirms.com/glacier.jpg"&gt;
    Self-Injury Support ~*~ Garbage Forum
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have sent you a message so check your e mail account, but just to say that you mum finding out isn't the worst thing in the world. Mine has, and its difficult, but is she supporting you? Mine ain't but if you can talk to her I'm sure it will make things a lot easier!!
    Good luck and stay safe.
    Also, I feel happier if I'm depressed, which is fucked up logic if you get me, but I like it.Music CAN make you feel worse if u want it to. Try Manics- holy Bible and mmanson-mechanical animals. Not recommenidng it but these make me feel warm when i'm down.Some1 else in the same position?
    Hope this helps. Now I'm just rambling......

    "I must find a truth that is true for me......the idea for which I can live or die."(Soren Kierkegaard)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    those albums r good, the holy bible does depress me more sometimes tho
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its not hard to depress teenagers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sy:
    its not hard to depress teenagers.

    No, u just have to make a stupid comment.

    U wanna see my arm, or am I just attention seeking too? Cos Im sooo obviously begging for attention by slicing my arm open....then covering it up.

    Either say something intelligent or dont fucking bother. Tosser.

    The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit:
    No, u just have to make a stupid comment.

    U wanna see my arm, or am I just attention seeking too? Cos Im sooo obviously begging for attention by slicing my arm open....then covering it up.

    Either say something intelligent or dont fucking bother. Tosser.



    Well said! However dont be angry by something like that coz clearly from someone with no experience in this area and little sympathy...just ignore it.
    U r not sick in the head either, u r depressed though and u should see your docter. U can find ways of feeling better and u dont have to be like this. U dont deserve to be like this either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Sy:
    its not hard to depress teenagers.

    sy ive never saw u post a SINGLE intelligent post on thesite so far. so its not hard to depress teenagers? well i'm not fuckin suprised with people like u around. oh look at me, im charley, i burn/slash/beat the fuck out of myself and then come on here to get attention i have nothin better to do. YEAH! i think i'd rather do my stuff in private and hide from the rest of teh world thanks.
    look man nothin against u as a person but if u dont have any advice or reasonable stuff to say then just keep it shut ok?

    and kermit, respect for keeping the face as such, and i hope u realise where u can find the support u need if u want it.

    and by the way sy, have u ever even HEARD teh holy bible? most depressing thing ive ever heard, but then again what else does that prove than your stupid fucking NON-point?

    i'm thankin u all on behalf of kermit for teh advice uve given <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not a cutter or burner myself

    but i am pretty good at listenin and ive been through a lot of emotional shit and heard a lot that i could relate to..

    i think ive reached the point at which im immune to being hurt...i was pretty strong mentally when i was younger but im a bit of a rock now, so if u ever wanna chat or anything add me to msn...my email is in the contact list in anything goes

    im not going to pretend to understand why people do self harm or that i do it myself, i could understand it gives a release of tension...but i can understand problems and im an alrite guy (some have said <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">) to boot

    dont take this as a sympathy post - it aint that - but hopefully i can show ppl that you dont have to be a cutter to understand the problems

    Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif"&gt;
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