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is he being gay back?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
There is this guy i have liked for ages, im always asking to hangout and he seems fine with it, we do meet up very occasionally. Can't be more often because of him being at school...

I think about him all the time, every min of the day and am always thinking ahead to when it may be possible to meet up again. The problem is im not 100% sure if he knows why im always phoning him and want to hang out all the time, i think he has an idea but im not sure..

Anyway i had him over to watch a movie at mine, he'd already been drinking before he arrived and we had some drinks at mine too... i asked if i could sit next to him on the bed, :D he said yeh so i said move across... Anyway we shared bottles of beer etc keep passing them between us. I asked if he was cold, he said yes so i got a blanket over us... we were side by side pressed against each other and then i looked over and he had a full bottle of beer and started downing it, i laughed and followed his example soon after he moved his foot over mine and then moved his hand down to my pants and started to give me a handjob, i was frozen in amazement for a bit, but then started to do the same to him, then when i was doing it back he sat up and tried to undo my trousers... i thought he felt the same way and it was very exciting, i was huging him etc pretty soon later he passed out and i've asked him when he woke up and the next day about things other than this, over the course of the night, he says he can't remember things and im pretty sure he won't remember doing this...

The problem is do i keep it secret, or tell him what happened and hope he believes me, but if i tell him, whether he believes me or not, he might then not want to know me... im in desperate need of advice if someone could please...
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He might be not all that at ease with his own sexuality, if he doesnt really want to be gay but has feelings that way his memory loss could well just be a lie.

    I'd suggest that you dont bring it up, you'll just embaress the bloke.

    If he's into you then he will try again, just continue as you were.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bongbuddas right. maybe he is gay, but he probably doesnt feel comfortable about it. that could explain why he only acted that way when drunk. It could have also just been drunkeness talking??
    Continue with your friendship and dont act any different around him. He must've trusted you to drink that much around you (i.e. knowing that he was unlikely to remember much if he drunk that much, and trusting you wouldnt say anything?)
    If he likes you this may happen again, in which case, try to slow down the drinking, sober up abit and have a chat maybe!
    SBG
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OMG how can i thanx you enough, your advice is really really helpful and has really really helped me..

    I have totally understood your advice and im so pleased you responded so quickly as i may of acted unaccordingly without your guidance...

    so basically i will go along as i have been... i think your right he must at least trust me...

    I hope this happens again...

    thank you very much for the advice you just gave...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    good luck!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by spongebobsgirl
    bongbuddas right. maybe he is gay, but he probably doesnt feel comfortable about it. that could explain why he only acted that way when drunk. It could have also just been drunkeness talking??
    Continue with your friendship and dont act any different around him. He must've trusted you to drink that much around you (i.e. knowing that he was unlikely to remember much if he drunk that much, and trusting you wouldnt say anything?)
    If he likes you this may happen again, in which case, try to slow down the drinking, sober up abit and have a chat maybe!
    SBG

    he culda been drunk, and thats why, its called being friendly, we've all done it

    however he may have issues with his sexuality

    perhaps next time get less drunk, so he'll be tipsy but he wont be so sober that he'll clam up so you can get in a tipsy convo which are often quite good
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What gets me is he started this, and i certainly needed no encouragment to go along with it. Which makes me thinks he knows how i feel about him, but it shocked me (still does) that he then did what he did.. even though he was very pissed.. Things would be a lot simpler if it had been me who started it..

    The day after it happened i mentioned on the phone that i wanted to speak to him in private and he asked what about and i said it said i had to meet him, then i got your advice to act normal, so i wasn't any further persistant and didn't meet to bring it up... He hasn't however asked me what it was about since.. probably forgotten

    And im still wondering, hoping this long afterwards. We've still not had a chance to hang out again since, he is always doing something else...

    I hope to sort this next time get some time together. Whenever that is..

    Further words of advice would be appreciated...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by wheresmyplacebo
    he culda been drunk, and thats why, its called being friendly, we've all done it
    Sorry but no matter how much I'd drunk I would never start wanking a lad off, its sooo not called "being friendly", and we haven't all done it.
    It is pretty obvious to me he has gay tendancies and is most likely confused by it all. I can't see anyone who is 100% straight wanking a lad off just because they were pissed.
    So I think he has a thing for you and is maybe slightly embarrased by it and the drink just opened him up. I also believe with what bongbudda said that him not remembering is probably a lie and he ii maybe just a little bit confused by it all.
    Hope it goes well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have to fully agree with lickalot here. Since you mentioned that the lads still at school then he's obviously going through a time in his life when sex is hard enough to deal with without the confusion of being gay as well. I think most of us have done something like this (in theory, straight or gay) where we've got feelings, got a little drunk, acted on them, woken up the next day thinking "shit, now i'm really confused/worried/scared" cross out whichever and completely gone on autopilot.

    I'd guess he's probably really embarrassed and confused, is denying it until he sorts himself out or maybe until he next gets the chance to relax. Maybe he has a hard job of dealing with his sexuality to the point where he can only really relax and forget it by having a drink?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok i can't stop thinking about him, and i get uncontrolable urges to phone him all the time. I end up battling with my own thoughts just before i phone him, it's becoming a real problem. On the one hand i don't want to piss him off or make him feel uncomfortable about me phoning him so much, but on the other hand i want to talk to him, i feel better (temporarily). In worst cases i've phoned him like 3/4 times right after each other, when i've been asking to hang out and he's said no, trying to persuade him to do so. Quite often i've been thinking about people when they sound desperate, i don't want to sound desperate, but the feelings i have are too real, too strong anyway to ignore. I've just got off the phone to him now, i took a risk really becuase i didn't really have much to say, i just wanted to speak to him. But often there is so little for me to say that there are sometimes big gaps of silence where i don't say anything.. he just asked me "is that all you phoned me for?", and i said "yes, are you pissed off with me now?", he said "no"..

    But i need some help again.. *sad*

    another problem is, i feel dissapointed, depressed whenever i hang out with my friends, or i want to hurry it up and them to go away just so i can phone him and ask whether he's free to hang out..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do NOT appear desperate if you can possibly avoid it, its really not an attractive trait.

    Dont phone him so often, its hard but you may well end up annoying him if you phone too often.

    Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by bongbudda
    Do NOT appear desperate if you can possibly avoid it, its really not an attractive trait.

    Dont phone him so often, its hard but you may well end up annoying him if you phone too often.

    Good luck.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok something happened again, and im more worried than ever.. i invited him to come with me and some friends on my birthday trip, he told me to phone him in the morning just before we left, and he'd meet up as he was at someones house. But his phone was off all day, i was devistated. Anyway i get back home after the day intending on phoning him and hanging out, but he told me he was really ill and there would be no way he could come out, and that i hadn't been able to phone him earlier becuase his phone had run out of battery. We agreed i'd phone later to see if he was actually feeling any better.. He never answered the phone.. So i decided to ring my friend up to hang out on my birthday, they came over in the car and who should be there with them, and he was so not ill. He stuck his head out of the car and said hi in a very cheeky way, anyway we took beer with us, and drove off places and his whole attitude to me was to pretty much ignore me and be very cold, not laughing or even smiling at anything i said, and mostly speaking to my other friend. I got considerably drunker than everyone else and ended up speaking to him in the back of the car speaking quietly close to his ear, shaking hands with him. I must have offered him my beer can like three times and he kept shaking his head and saying "don't want anyt" becuase i was desperate for him to acknoledge me and obviously being very pissed i kept at it and asked many questions, and everynow and then putting my hand out gestering for him to shake it, i did this a few too many times and then he shouted in an amused tone "what are you doing?" as i was getting really close to him and wouldn't stop talking, and he kept leaning forward to speak to my other friend in the car who he knows pretty well , i don't know what to do. I think everyone in the car must of been in on what was going on including my best friend the driver, im really worried i've blown it now, and was more than willing to go out and tell him how i feel about him this morning, i also decided to get rid of all my booze. I really felt the added depression from drinking it, and i was crying all night and stuff, im going to stop drinking if i can from now on becuase its ok if your going to have a good time, but if you end up having a shitty time it makes 10 times worse... wtf do i do now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Leave it well alone for a while, its obvious somethings up and he's not all that happy about it.

    Its tough but I'd not phone him, not contact him, just basically leave the situation for a week or so, see how things pan out.

    Its grim I know, when you fancy someone its hard to be rational.

    It has the potential to get a lot uglier, so you're best to cut and run for a bit.

    Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks bongbudda, i cannot believe how helpful all your comments have been. It still amazes me how simple the response is, but everything i've read i've just found so useful. Thankyou so much, i feel so much better now after that, i feel i can get on with the day ahead without it dominating my thoughts.. and suddenly there seems a purpose to my life again... I feel so degraded when i get rapped up on this..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Indeed, its a grim situation to get involved with a relationship which isnt balanced, where you care about them a lot more than they you.

    Especially if that person isnt all that nice because it gives them a lot of power.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can say he was consciously trying to prove a point (becuase i was there), several things.. his ignoring me, and paying attention to the other guys, as if he was trying to convey to the other guys that we weren't good friends... his phone ringing and the way he was speaking to whoever it was, like romantically.. (probably a girl)and several things he was speaking about to the other dude (knowing i'd overhear). "i had a sex there once...", and answering how many times he'd had sex, but shouting it..

    I hate the way he ignores me though when in the presence of this other guy. We've hung out sober before and been friends and talking to each other, however this was before the incident..

    What can you read from this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Quite probably (and this is a guess of course) that he is ashamed of the homosexual urges that he gets, he hasnt really come to accept them and doesnt really want to have them.

    When he was drunk his defences were down and he was only with you, therefore he can act them out.

    Now he knows that he has acted on them, he feels like he wants to put the genie back in the bottle, to take back what he did because he sees it as wrong (which it isnt).

    But, he cant, same as he probably cant supress forever his urges and therefore he is taking it out on you, the easiest target rather than actually looking at himself.

    If he can blame you he doesnt have to accept his part in the situation.

    If I were you I'd cut my losses and not persue it. Your not going to forget his actions towards you now and even if you go get together they will haunt the relationship.

    But thats just my view.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be quite honest i think it would haunt me more if i don't do anything, and besides i don't feel i can forget about him. I've never been more attracted to anyone, and it scares the hell out of me to do nothing..

    I keep asking him "are we still friends?" and he says yes... To be honest i think he's scared of me becuase i come across serious about this whole thing.. my other friend who he was talking to loads is very loud and open and done some things, but has had quite a few girlfriends..

    I want to at least be friends if i can...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wishing you luck

    speaking as someone who struggled for years with gay urges it sounds to me that he's feeling so confused about himself he almost sees you as a threat as your the person he can act out the urges he is scared of with

    hope that makes sense

    Phoenix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok further update, was at a party last night. I've not been in contact with him following Bongbuddas advice, and he wasn't at the party last night, but my other friend who he was laughing with in the car and talking to loads the other night was there..

    Anyway i was talking to my friend (lets call him him Bob), and we drank quite a bit and i was sat next to him on the sofa and he started to kiss me, what the fuck? this guy has a girlfriend, and i liked it, we did it quite a few times. But i think he started it, but anyway he asked me whether i was into boys or girls, and then was like "it's cool if you like boys, its cool...", i didn't answer i just kept listening and i doubt anyone heard anything becuase we were completely close together, and you know what partys are like with music and stuff. But then he was like saying he was half gay and stuff.. Anyway he kissed me again, and then he asked me whether i liked the guy, i didn't answer.. but it brings some more interesting thoughts to mind... he's obviously talked to "him" about me, i would guess...

    This is so weird, but cool... any thoughts...??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by goddog2
    ok further update, was at a party last night. I've not been in contact with him following Bongbuddas advice, and he wasn't at the party last night, but my other friend who he was laughing with in the car and talking to loads the other night was there..

    Anyway i was talking to my friend (lets call him him Bob), and we drank quite a bit and i was sat next to him on the sofa and he started to kiss me, what the fuck? this guy has a girlfriend, and i liked it, we did it quite a few times. But i think he started it, but anyway he asked me whether i was into boys or girls, and then was like "it's cool if you like boys, its cool...", i didn't answer i just kept listening and i doubt anyone heard anything becuase we were completely close together, and you know what partys are like with music and stuff. But then he was like saying he was half gay and stuff.. Anyway he kissed me again, and then he asked me whether i liked the guy, i didn't answer.. but it brings some more interesting thoughts to mind... he's obviously talked to "him" about me, i would guess...

    This is so weird, but cool... any thoughts...??

    I can't possibly know the full situation, but this sounds very dodgy. I'd tread carefully.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is Bob the same guy who the previous incident happened with?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok Bob is the guy, "he" was talking to whilst in the car...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    be careful you don't get taken advantage of here

    As hunnypot said it sounds dodgy

    Phoenix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that does sound very strange dude id also say be careful as they may have planned something between them but then again this could my sinister mind thinking lol.

    Anyways sounds like a tought situation to be in and i hope it goes well
    .matt
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok this really sucks, i've let things cool a bit.. and i've phoned him a few times again recently... only he is not accepting the call and cutting me off, i can't even say "hi, how are you?"... Im well upset by this, what can i do? can anyone shed any light please?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry love, i seem to be bringing harsh news today.

    When someone cuts off your call, it is VERY likely that they don't want to speak to you. Which also suggests that he definitely doesn't want to see you in a relationship way and it looks like it may be going badly for your friendship status.

    Leave it, and move on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im thinking of sending a text message, but im not sure what to put..

    queenmab_roo im feeling that may be the case, but i want to be friends at least..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to say this as I know its not what you want to hear

    But I think unless you hold off the calls, the texts everything for a while then you stand the risk of loosing his friendship altogether.

    hugs

    Phoenix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok well i've pretty much decided to leave it now, if he won't speak to me then so be it... thanx for all your help and support through all this.. I've pretty much decided to not care after the way he is ignoring me...

    for a while anyway...
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