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My boyf's nan died.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and my boyfriend were mugged Sunday night, we reported it to the police and they came to take our statements, as we were in the middle of explaining me and my boyfriend heard that his nan had died.
He was OK (well, supposedly) until we went to bed where he just cried and cried, I wasn't much help, I just didn't know what to do appart from tell him that I loved him and that I was there to talk if he wanted to. I think I could've helped better if I'd not have been so shaken up about the earlier incedent but I just really didn't know what to say or do.
I've only met his nan once or twice and spoke to her a little (I'm shy in front of his family) so I felt such an intruder to his and his families grief but I felt it would be too rude to leave.
I'm still no better at comforting him but you'd think I should be because in recent years I've had many family deaths. I just don't know how I can help him. I know from personal experience that it takes years to get over relatives deaths but I just don't know how I could help him.
Does anyone know how I could help him?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry that happened to you.

    I would just say be there for him to give him a hug and for him to talk to if he wants to. That's the most important thing - just being there and being a good friend for someone when they have lost someone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've really tried to be there for him, but if anything he's distanced himself from me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You cant bring back his nana so the only thing you can do is be there, but dont pressure him to act in certain ways towards you. He`ll talk if and when he wants to. He may well need some space to think. Dont get all worried that hes distancing himself because thats pressure. Be his rock for a while and be patient.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll try be his rock. I just hate to see him suffer like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A tough situation to be in natty & important thing to remember thro it all is that everyone has their own way of dealing with the death of a loved one. You may well feel like youre 'in the way' but rest assured your sheer presence with your b/f will not go un-noticed by him. youre doin just fine through just being there to listen when he does feel ready to talk about his feelings. Be patient with that one. You said youve been there yourself too so it's good that you can put yourself in his position and know that he is not expecting you to be able to change the situation. Don't worry so much about what you will say. Just concentrate on the words that are being shared with you when he does feel ready to talk and for him that may take a lot of time or it may happen tomorrow.
    A good way to think about it is to imagine how he would feel if you weren't around him right now - would it be better or worse for him? Same for you, imagine how you would feel if you werent with him right now - would that make you feel better or worse? Go with your gut here. Hang in there regardless and all t' best - youre doin a grand job so far by just sticking by him - priceless x

    Here's a few wee factsheets around recognising the feelings experienced by the person who is grieving:
    factsheet 1
    info
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