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what can i do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I went out with this guy and i loved him to absolute pieces. I would have been happy to marry him and clean his house and wash his clothes and (GOD FORBID!) eventually have his babies. However he had depression and he dumped me saying it wasnt fair on me to have to deal with his depression and he wasnt ready for a relationship. I was devestated and told him i still loved him and would wait for him to be ready. Then a couple of nights later (This is where i show my evilness) my friend invited me out and I went with him and one thing lead to another and we had unprotected (and the unprotectedness is not up for discussion) sex. When I got home i realised what a stoopid tard i was and panicing told the only person i felt comfortable talking to about anything important....the guy id just split up with. He flipped went mental, cut himself, told me it was my fault, i cried, made myself sick, showered and scrubbed til my skin was marked and since then have gone back to self harming. The guy who id just split with was gonna ask me back out when i got in from going out and so it was awful. I still love him and its destroying me to know i will never have him again. His met this other girl just a week on and likes her and I want him back so much. I know I cocked up majorly and dont deserve him back but i just love him so much and i need him back. What can i do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and id also like to stress that he makes me feel safe in myself and happy and warm and fuzzy and i feel so like i can be myself with him and when he crys i wanna mope up all his tears and i wanna hold him and say itll be ok and it hurts so much inside that i wanna die. I think he may be my life partner. Which is not good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh god, that sounds like a horrible situation to be in.

    If you really don't think you can ever win him back then I think you just have to tell yourself that there will be other people and that this guy wasn't your only chance in life. If it was really meant to be then you'd work it through together and he'd eventually forgive you, but it sounds like maybe you've just given him a concrete reason to close that chapter.

    You weren't going out together when you slept with the other bloke so you didn't cheat on him, although it's very understandable that he's upset.

    If you really want one last shot at it then you could write him a letter telling him how you feel about him. I suggest letter writing a lot, but I think it helps in ways that other media can't. Emails and texts can be deleted, you can hang up on a phonecall, but a letter gives you a chance to look at it again and think a little more.

    But if he's made up his mind then you just have to respect that. Look after yourself, be around girlfriends, try to take your mind off him as much as you can. That's the only advice I can really give because there isn't an easy way out of feeling like this.

    Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    since we split he said he wanted to remove himself from my life cos he felt it was all his fault but i said i didnt want him to and we're now 'close friends'. If i wrote him a letter id prolly destroy that too. I asked if we could get back and he said no cos he couldnt trust me and hed think of me with the other guy. I wonder if time will fix it or no?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ro-ro
    since we split he said he wanted to remove himself from my life cos he felt it was all his fault but i said i didnt want him to and we're now 'close friends'. If i wrote him a letter id prolly destroy that too. I asked if we could get back and he said no cos he couldnt trust me and hed think of me with the other guy. I wonder if time will fix it or no?

    If he wanted to be with you enough then he'd be able at least to try and fight the jealousy about the other guy.

    Yes, time could well fix it. I broke up with my boyfriend in January and got back with him in the summer, and at first found it SO hard to come to terms with the fact that he'd slept with other people during that time. But the jealousy just went after a while. But having said that, don't spend your whole life waiting for him to come around and miss out on other opportunities! You're still young and he won't be the only guy you ever meet.

    And being 'close friends' with someone you feel this strongly about isn't always a very good idea, at least for the time straight after the break up. I don't think you'd destroy anything by writing him a letter, it sounds like he already knows how you feel basically.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it doesnt matter anyway. Him and this girl who he met the day we split up (ironic really she comforted him and he told her how great i was) are going out on a date together.
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