lonely & depressed

Former Member

Hi I’ve introduced myself in Relationships, but just in case there are other people in here that don’t know me, I’m 17 f newbie from essex (no jokes plz). I’m a pretty fcuked up kid. I have depression and I hate myself and want to die. No-one will eva want to go out with me cause I’m fat and ugly and don’t av a personality. I don’t know who I am. I stopped bein myself wen I used 2 get bullied all the time. Now I have a low self esteem and come on too strong 2 guys coz I want sum1, not necessarily a bf, just someone that cares. Just a real friend. I have “associates” but nobody that I can connect with if u know what I mean. My counsellor says I have been thru a lot of trauma all by myself, and I am lonely and have no1 2 turn to. Thanks, but plz don’t tel me stuff wot I already know! My dad hates me, my mum dusent care. I want a friend. I’m a perfectionist bcoz I feel like I av 2 prove myself 2 ppl. I have nothing else 2 do ‘cept wk, I neva go out. Sumtimes I feel so bad I physically can’t get up in the morning, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m watching time go by, and waiting to die.
i just did that depression test that is mentioned in another post. i got 78 (severe depression) and i did it honestly i swear. Is my life even worth living?

[This message has been edited by Drifter (edited 09-01-2001).]

Former Member

Hello Drifter {{{{{Drifter}}}}}. Of course life's worth living <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; and we'll be your friends. Just ignore the people here when they get grumpy and bitch, they don't mean it.

You're not the only one in that situation you know, even if it feels like it, and the vast majority of people who are depressed as teenagers gradually get happier and lead the lives they want to. It's also not true that noone will ever want to go out with you even if you were fat and ugly (you're almost certainly not as bad as you think you are), you just have to try your best to be friendly and nice to people. In the end you will meet nice people, and will find someone to love you.

If you're really worried about your weight just try and do some exercise. Don't diet, just cut down on snacks, chocolate and crisps etc and eat regular meals. Going for a run or even just a long walk regularly can help a lot (swimming's good if you like that too).

Former Member

By the way if you want to message us or chat most people have Yahoo messenger, you can find the details on this topic: http://www.thesite.org/ubb/Forum21/HTML/000026.html

Former Member

i know someone who soinds like u. But life is worth living, although i may be contridicting myself on my other post but anyway im helping U! I know its hard, but the longer u r in the rut the worse it gets. u will always have friends at the site. everyone is just so darn nice. if u gave urself a chance, u maybe just surprised, if u judt tried to raise that self esteem. u will be amazed at how different u come over. people can sense the confidence and they like that. just hang in there and stay with us.

Former Member

thanx 4 ur support jb. i added u 2 my yahoo messenger, i hope dats ok. Every1 seems real nice but i don't really know ne1 yet. do u fink a 78 on dat test means ur really fcuked up? <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt;

Former Member

how can u get self esteem and confidence coz i really want sum! U know sum1 dat sounds lik me? Wudn't it b weird if u knew me? Ur rite, evry1 is realy gr8 on this site.

Former Member

well i got 44.

Former Member

{{{{{{{drifter}}}}}}}
yeah, 78 means you are fucked up.
doesn't mean life isn't worth living.
it's good that you are getting counselling, I hope it is doing you some good - it can be such hit and miss. See your GP

Former Member

Hiya drifter, what's your Yahoo username?

Former Member

Hi Drifter,

Sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time at the moment. I just wanted to add a couple of things:
Firstly, depression is a treatable illness. If you are feeling suicidal, your GP may be able to help as well as your counsellor.
Secondly, you will get lots of support from people here at TheSite. Many of the people here have been through similar experiences and will be able to help and support you through the bad times.

We also have lots of articles here that may be useful to you:
http://www.thesite.org/health/headstate/

Former Member

i av bin 2 my gp. i ges when i get there i chicken out and cover up how i really feel even tho i know thats not wot ur supposed 2 do @ the docs. I ges i go in all cheerful, i jus can't bring myself to say, "i think i need to go on medication" neway, he wud jus say, "no u don't". Evry time i go, he just tells me to go to a different councellor. i ges i cant get the words out, and he's not psychic. he must think i am over-reacting so much.

Former Member

what test is this u r talking about? Hey, if u read my other post, actually u have. i have to go to the docs, these guys made me go. i realise now its for the best. but im not scared now of death anf shit,just hope its treatable. if i go to the docs i reckon u should go and tell him how u really feel. just try. i found my self esteem was always boosted when people didnt take the piss out of me. they said it was a joke but i took it badly. but i learnt to overcome it and they have respect for me now. if they say somin offensive i just look at them in my evil soughta way <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt; and they apologise. its pretty cool actually. Thats how i got my confidence back, everybody can see a difference. u just tell the doc, remember ill go if u go.

Former Member

this is the test i'm talkin about
http://community.netdoktor.com/ccs/uk/depression/facts/testyourself/index.jsp

I fink it's realy gr8 dat ur goin 2 da docs. I'm sure they can help u, and u av a lot more confidence than i do. I can't go bak again, i was only there on monday. He wil fink im realy strange. Ok, i am, but dat dusent mean i want other ppl to fink it lol. Ppl dont take da pis outta me nemore, they jus used 2, years ago, and i ges i av neva bin da same since. Gud luck @ ur appointment

Former Member

Well im not sure what else to say but u must have let all ur feelings out with the councerler(shit spelling i know) well, whats actually getting u down, then maybe we could help more, i dont know if u know it urself yet.

Former Member

whats getin me down? i ges a lot of fings. I was bullied @ skool 4 bein fat. Dat was a few years ago now, but i kinda grew up wiv no friends. Then i kind of stopped eatin and got thinner. Now im jus average, but stil fink im fat, i'm so self-critical coz of evryfink evry1 used 2 say. Evrytime i fink bout it i start cryin which is so pathetic coz it was such a long time ago. In my early teens my parents got divorced, that was kinda expected coz they neva got along but it still hurt, and i ges thats wen my relationship wiv my dad broke down. I only c him evry now and then, coz evry time i do c him, he says horrible things 2 me and i get upset and i fink wots da point? But then it goes round in a circle coz i fink, u gotta c ur dad, so i go c him, then he upsets me again etc. I dont c much of my mum coz she works v.long hrs and then she goes out wiv her m8's @ nite. As iv sed, i feel lik i aint got ne real friends, no1 dat really cares. Im scared and lonely and sit in my room a lot of the time crying. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of how people will react to me. I'm scared to stand out. Im scared of being alone. Im scared of puttin on weight. Im scared that no-one wil eva fall in luv wiv me and i wil end up by myself. The worst thing is iv lost my identity. i dont know who i am nemore, they took it away. Evrything that used to be me, its gone. Now theres just emptyiness. I just want 2 b the old me, but iv forgotten who it is.

Former Member

It must be hard to find the old u but think what u can offer. strive to achieve things that u may think that u cant do cause people may tell u and go for it. who cares what they say. prove them wrong by achieving ur goals and then they will just be gutted and respect u for it. get out and try and make a difference. everyone can do something to change the world and make people feel happy. u have to put ur mind to it and dont be crititcal of urself cause u wont achieve ur goals if u r self critical. just get out and do it, fuck everyone, tell ur mum how u feel, try and make her understand. be confident, be confident and believe u can do it, say by getting qualifications ur assured of a better future. thats what spurs me on sometimes, if i feel lonely i just think of all the great things i have to look forward to, like driving and doing well in my GCSE's.

Former Member

Hi <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">!!
Dont put yourself down! I know it must be hard for you but try and phase it all out!!! Life is worth living for don't wish for death!No one knows how you feel,so only you can do something about how you feel talk to someone you can trust,let it all out how you feel,then people will understand and try and help you!!!
On the site we are all friends(hope so anyway) we'll be there for each other!So dont feel left out!!!

Former Member

Write down how you feel, and give it to the doctor. That's what I did - after I completely failed to tell him about it the first time I tried.
Mind you I only went to the GP after I spent 3 hours sat on my bed not daring to to move because despite knowing that killing myself was not a solution it certainly felt like one.

Don't let it get that bad.

Former Member

i cant go 2 da docs, i wil w8 til i c my new councellor and then i will ask he/she if they fink i need help from my gp, and if they say yes, i can go bak and say "my councelor said..." God im such a chicken. Why can't i just say it?
Thanks for all the support tho guys <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Not being able to tell the doctor is apparently a common problem

Former Member

Hey.. been kinda missed out on the post timing but ((((HUGZ)))!!!

U sound safe 2 me, bullies at school(I'm probably an offendr of this) well we suck, u shouldnt take n e thing to heart, seriously I cant really put a finger on y we ppl bully.. I guess I did it loads, cos the ppl I bullied I didnt know at all, unfotunately as soon as 1 person says summing every1 will get a hold of it, n u have to b pretty damn lucky to get out of it, n believe me it's true when ppl say that bullies r insecure themselves.

Really u sound like u do need a proffesional to speak to... n dont hold n e thing back when u talk to them, they understand.

But also The Net is a really good place to build ur confidence n self esteem, u sound like a real nice person, n if u speak to ppl on here, it'll make it easier to speak to ppl in life... <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Originally posted by Daze:
The Net is a really good place to build ur confidence n self esteem, u sound like a real nice person, n if u speak to ppl on here, it'll make it easier to speak to ppl in life... <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

Hey, sum1 called me a nice person <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
{{{daze}}}
Why is the net a gud place 2 build self esteem? I duno if it'll make it easier 2 speak 2 ppl in real life, coz u can't just "log off" in real life.

Former Member

{{{{{drifter}}}}}
u do sound really nice.
i know what you mean about the logging off part, because its easy to make people go away online. but, people on here are still real, and on thesite u get alot of real problems and situations. its not the same, and you have more chance to think about your response. but at the same time, it helps you get used to the swing of things, and gives you the confidence to bring yourself out a bit more in public.

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somebody get me out of here.

Former Member

{{{{ickle}}}}
sum1 esle called me nice! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

Originally posted by IcKleMoNSteR:
you have more chance to think about your response. but at the same time, it helps you get used to the swing of things, and gives you the confidence to bring yourself out a bit more in public.

It dus giv u more time 2 fink bout ya response. Wen i speak 2 ppl i sumtimes get panicky and out of breath and then i go red and want to die. Or sumtimes i cant get the words out and stand there lookin like a lemon.

I av bin talkin on the net 4 a while now, but only jus found thesite. I never really made ne friends on the net, jus general chit chat, but now i think iv found a place where evry1's really gr8 and helpful. I hope i can make sum really gud friends on here. Maybe that will make me more confident in real life.

Oh and i got some St. John's Wort, a herbal remedy for depression. I duno whether it wil work, but i fink i wil giv it a go until i get da guts 2 go bak 2 da docs.



[This message has been edited by Drifter (edited 13-01-2001).]

Former Member

Originally posted by Drifter:
{{{{ickle}}}}
sum1 esle called me nice! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

thats because you are.

It dus giv u more time 2 fink bout ya response. Wen i speak 2 ppl i sumtimes get panicky and out of breath and then i go red and want to die. Or sumtimes i cant get the words out and stand there lookin like a lemon.

i know, and ive done that. but gradually, ive got better. but i go thru phases, its no good askin me for stuff like that <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

I av bin talkin on the net 4 a while now, but only jus found thesite. I never really made ne friends on the net, jus general chit chat, but now i think iv found a place where evry1's really gr8 and helpful. I hope i can make sum really gud friends on here. Maybe that will make me more confident in real life.

thesite is cool. just dont get hooked like the rest of us <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; if u already havent, SAVE YOURSELF!! it will give u confidence. coz chit chat doesnt really help, but if u can delve into a subject and come out better for it, ull gain confidence.
and im talking rubbish now probly so i'll give it a rest.

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somebody get me out of here.

Former Member

ah bollocks, i screwed that one right up <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

thanx for the hug btw <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

Former Member

ur welcome ickle, after all u hugged me 1st! <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

And it's 2 late, im already hooked. I've only been registered a week, and i can't get enuf!

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The more sand that escapes through the hourglass of time, the clearer we should be able to see through it.

[This message has been edited by Drifter (edited 13-01-2001).]

Girl-From-Mars

drifter, i know how you feel with talking to people in person. i talk too fast when im excited or stressed, well faster than normal lol.. anyway my words get all kind of mangled up and i say the wrong thing and its all just bad. im a lot better though than i was about 2 years ago. its partly to do with the net.
when i first came on the net, about 3 years ago now, i was really lonely and didnt have any real friends, mine were really shit. and i found lots of people to talk to who i became close to within about a week sometimes. anyway it helped me out having people to talk to and care about me, even if i had never met them. and now ive made really good friends on the net, 2 of which i count among my best friends (i only have 4 of those, 5 when the other person isnt away at uni! so 4 and a part time one). i have never met either of them, i may meet one in the near future (ish), i may not. he'll still be one of my best friends though. damn site better than most of mine in real life!!!!

anyway i met my ex boyfriend online and that gave me a lot more confidence. 6th form in fact did, i walked in on the first day and it was suddenly as if all the problems with shyness had gone away and i could talk in class. which was odd. probably to do with the boyfriend though, i met him the summer before it started!

but ill shut up about me, just saying that the net can be a great place. i hope you find some good friends here too <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; if you talk on instant messengers or chat rooms you have a more "realistic" relationship with them.

ill go now coz this is getting long <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; once you leave school and can be away from all the people who are immature and nasty, then it'll get better, believe me.

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.

Former Member

hi drifter, im 16 /m/ london and i feal exatly the same, i totally hate myself and wish somthing would happen to me. i feal like i have to prove myself to everyone, i was bullied at school and i dont have any REAL close friends. i really want a close friend. i just take it day by day and i dont care about my life anymore. i feal like everything i do is crap. and i just thought id say i really know how you feal.

email. fabio@media-inet.com

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JsT

from the pic u sent me, i can confirm 2 things, ur not fat and ugly. In fact, i thing ur pretty good looking, and i'd go out with u anyday

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VISIT MY HOMEPAGE:http://jamestaylor.50megs.com

Former Member

Originally posted by fabio:
hi drifter, im 16 /m/ london and i feal exatly the same, i totally hate myself and wish somthing would happen to me. i feal like i have to prove myself to everyone, i was bullied at school and i dont have any REAL close friends. i really want a close friend. i just take it day by day and i dont care about my life anymore. i feal like everything i do is crap. and i just thought id say i really know how you feal.

email. fabio@media-inet.com

i just e-mailed u <IMG alt="image" alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

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If the sky that we look upon
should tumble and fall
or the mountains should crumble in the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me