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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This weekend I tried to kill myself.
I've suffered from depression for ages, but I got better when I left school.
I had a hard week in college and I honestly thought that my old problems were going to arise again in Yale.
I've been bullied all my life because I've got laxable joints. It makes sport and physical activities more difficult for me and I got told I was a spazz and a gimp. But the most hurtfull of the remarks was "hunchback" because at the time I had a scoliosis (curvature of the spine), so this lad spread it around my school and I ended up having practically every person call me it (literally).
I saw this lad at the college gates and he was calling me a hunchback again (even though my spine is straight now) and I was so scared that he'd spread false rumours around college and scared that my horrible past would return.
I'd also been having trouble in work and with some close friends, in the end, on Friday night I took an overdose and ended up with a drip in my arm and being violently sick in hospital.
The thing I didn't realise at the time was how much I hurt the people who loved me, my mum told me she'd kill herself if I died and my mates were gutted.
I didn't realise how people cared for me, my friends promised that the lad would never hurt me again and my parents are going to complain about my treatment at work.
The story's a lot longer but I'll get straight to the point. LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS, if I'd ended it on the weekend I'd have never learnt how much I'm loved and how much I love other people.
This weekend will change my life forever, I'm starting over and picking up the pieces to begin a new life.
Life is the one gift you are born with, life is beautiful and you can get so much out of it!



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish everyone who ever was contemplating suicide would read your post.

    Being disabled with a back problem myself, having a chronic depression as a result I can certainly empathise with you. I sincerely hope you manage to find peace in your life.

    Best wishes

    [This message has been edited by derby county (edited 26-09-2000).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im glad ur still with us. at times i want to kill my self, but i dont have the guts luckily, as the next day i think about things properly and realise all who r there 4 me.
    u sound quite a strong person, dont let people get 2 u, i know its hard, as i was bullied, but i couldnt even imagine what u've been through. all i can say is i hope things continue to b better, and remeber theres always peeps to talk 2 here if u need us.
    c ya
    stay happy
    love helen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your right lady liberty, life is so preciouse and we r all here for a reason im sure. Have nearly killed myself in the past many a time and have only just realised just how selfish it really is. Around the beggining of January I got a phonecall to tell me a close friend who I had been in hospital with for 6 months had hung herself. I was devastated. It was the second patient to have commited suicide since Christmas. Then a week later another call arrived, and yes another girl from hospital had hung herself (ona seperate incident too!). This was too much for me. I ended up going to both their funerals in the space of two weeks and it was the sadest time ever. Not just because my friends were dead but also seeing the people they left behind. Their famillies (who in one case didnt seem to care much) and even more their friends from hospital. We had shared some moving times in hospital and the group had become very close, as I suppose u can only get when u r in a psychiatric ward stuck with each other!!! It was awfull too, also because I felt we had failed them.
    Since then I cant look at suicide in any other way as selfish. I know that when u r on the edge u cant help but feel nobody gives a shit, but there is always somebody somewhere that does.
    A nice thing came out of this though. At around the same time of their deaths I found out I was pregnant, and so did another girl who we had been in hospital with. I cant help but think that is a sign. Two deaths and two births? That I suppose put a nice ending on such a devastating two weeks.
    I hope if u ever feel like this again, u will find the strength to talk to someone or even just come on here and air your feelings. Anything but to end your life. U r worth far more than that honey.
    Lots of love and thoughts
    Lolly xxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Libery, Helly and Lolly, I don't have a God, but if I did I would hope he or she cares and protects you all for evermore.

    I have been genuinely moved to tears by your postings, I hope this doesn't sound corny, but as I sit typing this, I feel so humble to feel I know you all.

    My very best wishes,
    love derby
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    god derby reading urs has just made me cry! i thought i might come on the site 4 once and not shed a tear, but i dont think its possible 4 me! most of us on 'the site' r caring, and u can easily tell who is rfrom their posts.
    im a cristian,(not a bible basher, nor do i go to church, or preach god 2 ever1) but i hope he looks down on all of u as ur all so lovely and cute and i some times wish i could jump in2 the screen and give u all a huge hug!!!!!!
    i'd better go now,but im always emotional after i leave here, most will prob think im sad, i know daze will!!! (we had a bit of a fall out over drugs!)
    c ya
    love ya all lots like jelly tots love helen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have recently been having suicidal thoughts (and not for the first time) and fortunately for me I discovered that you can email the samaritans. I don't think that I would have gone through with it because I had a close friend that did so a few years back and this still hurts that she just left without a care in the world for me and her other friends and family.
    I have just read back what I've written and it sounds kinda false but I don't want to go into details or anything. I sometimes find that life is a complete bastard and spend a lot of my life just staring at walls without the motivation to do anything.
    I only found this site today and have poured out numerous problems of mine and you know what, it's really helped. Just talking about them has made so much difference and having people reply has made me feel like I'm worth something.
    I agree with everyone else LIFE IS PRECIOUS, don't waste it, I'm trying not to but I'm not going to say that it's easy.xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheap chick, this post is WELL over a year old.
    Please don't bring up old topics, or we'll send the boys 'round.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry, but I searched for suicide for a reason and this is what the computer threw up. Anyway, promise not to do so again. As I said I'm new to this site. xxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Miss Quoted:
    <STRONG>or we'll send the boys 'round.</STRONG>

    Who, us?

    *whistles innocently*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yikes, that's an old post that I posted over a year ago. Well, here i am now...
    Spent about 4 months in a unit, but I just got out a month agao and I'm sound.
    Thanks for caring tho.
    Take care
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For more info on depression see our mental health special here

    Susie <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
    And cos this post is so old, I'll close it now
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