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dont you ust feel like a man when

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
To be a man

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling.
You take it from her
hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it?
Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving,
lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish -noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement.
Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence
of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed.
However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women.
Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little
changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item.
Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don.
The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? Seven, it is then. Seeya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss.
"Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For
that? Are you mad, bint?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says
that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized shit.

25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by wheresmyplacebo
    Congratulations, you are now your dad.

    :lol:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by wheresmyplacebo
    16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

    too true...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by Angel121077
    too true...

    Just keep on believing that and it'll be fine...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by *x*franki chicken*x*
    Just keep on believing that and it'll be fine...

    haha...

    well.. it works for me....
    not all women are the same...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by wheresmyplacebo
    3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.


    How does this make you feel like a man? You are playing a poofters sport. Anyway the others are true really.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by Godders
    How does this make you feel like a man? You are playing a poofters sport. Anyway the others are true really.

    :lol:

    But it does fit in with the rest of the list. A load of shite.

    Some of it reminds me sooo much of my brother and me dad.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by Godders
    How does this make you feel like a man? You are playing a poofters sport. Anyway the others are true really.

    Getting a really good solid tackle in is brilliant.

    I'm talking about rugby league, the sport of men though.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by wheresmyplacebo
    To be a man

    1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling.
    You take it from her
    hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.


    how true is that, my mums always calling me asking for me to undo a jar for her ;p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by jake0
    how true is that, my mums always calling me asking for me to undo a jar for her ;p

    This is about men though
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    This is about men though

    and im not a man all of a sudden? ;o
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by jake0
    and im not a man all of a sudden? ;o

    When were you ever a man?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    When were you ever a man?

    Yes, last week ;<
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rugby?
    Originally posted by Godders
    How does this make you feel like a man? You are playing a poofters sport. Anyway the others are true really.

    Nothing more manly that a big group of men rolling around in the mud together and grabbing each other's crotches eh?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by Kermit
    Getting a really good solid tackle
    my reply is similar to his ...always worked for me anyway ...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: dont you ust feel like a man when
    Originally posted by jake0
    how true is that, my mums always calling me asking for me to undo a jar for her ;p

    its cos our hands are to small! mine area anyway...i just cant grip it!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling.
    You take it from her
    hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work - ALL THE TIME ;)

    4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it?
    Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle. NOT DONE IN A WHLE BUT IT DID FEEL GOOD

    6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement.
    Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard - DONE LAST NITE :D FEELS GREAT


    7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with. - CLASSIC

    9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence
    of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like - ALL THE TIME

    18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don.
    The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later - BRILLIANT

    22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss.
    "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage". - was like that when i had me nuts scanned :p

    4, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says
    that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized shit - OMLY A FEW HOURS AGO :rolleyes:
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