He isnt your Father

Former Member

Assume you knew someone and found out that the person they believed to be their biological Father in fact wasnt. The fella they had called Dad for the last 23 years is not the real Father. She has not got a clue and theres no way the parents are gonna tell her. What do you do ?

Tell her the truth that he aint her real dad

or

Say nothing ?

This is real life, its not hypothetical and its advice for a good friend of mine.

Former Member

i wouldnt say a word, i wouldnt want to shatter the news to anybody. the only people who should tell is the mother and (fake) father.

Former Member

I'm in exactly the same situation, only my mate is 18.

It's not my place to say anything and only by pure misfortune did I find out in the first place.

Former Member

See how I see it is that they have the right to know. Can you imagine what it would feel like to get into your 40/50's then find out he aint your Dad ?

I just wouldnt like to be the person to tell them and think the Mother should have told them a long time ago.

Former Member

They have the right to know, of course. But just because someone knows doesn't make it their duty to tell them. What they don't know for now can't hurt them, and they'll find out from the right person when that person feels the time is right.

Former Member

Stay out of it mate, and tell your buddy the same. got a similar thing in my life too. It's not your place, however they might feel it's got nothing to do with you.

Former Member

As young people here put yourselves in this situation and tell me how do you think it would affect you if you were told.
Im not sure what she intends doing about this, am a bit worried about the girl in question if she finds out.
How will she feel about it ? Will it totally destroy her ? or do you think at first it will really upset her but she will be glad to be told ?

Former Member

Dude, doesn't matter how it'd affect us, because we're not her. It doesn't change the fact that it's really none of your business. It might be harsh but you've got to be there for support afterwards, as it is she may well not care, because of the relationship she has with her 'dad' or whatever.

You've just got to wait and see, and don't interfere.

Former Member

Originally posted by Fiend_85
Dude, doesn't matter how it'd affect us, because we're not her. It doesn't change the fact that it's really none of your business. It might be harsh but you've got to be there for support afterwards, as it is she may well not care, because of the relationship she has with her 'dad' or whatever.

You've just got to wait and see, and don't interfere.

Sorry i dont know if you have misunderstood me but this does not involve me. Its a good friend of mine and its within her family (I know the girl in question though). I shall not be saying anything.........however my friend is the one who is on the verge of speaking out.
If I can influence her of course i will.

Former Member

Originally posted by BeckyBoo
Sorry i dont know if you have misunderstood me but this does not involve me. Its a good friend of mine and its within her family (I know the girl in question though). I shall not be saying anything.........however my friend is the one who is on the verge of speaking out.
If I can influence her of course i will.

It's just easier if I talk like it's you mate.

Former Member

The only people who should tell her are her parents. Any chance you could speak to her parents about it? If you knew the reasons for the deception, you'd be in a much clearer picture about everything...

Former Member

Originally posted by Kate1
If you knew the reasons for the deception, you'd be in a much clearer picture about everything...

Reason is the mother fell pregnant witha kinda one night stand. Met someone straight after and he knew that she wasnt his and has brought her up as his own. (She knew the one night stand but wasnt going out with him or now, they met up one night at the pub and the rest is history)
The Mother didnt want to tell her family that she'd slept with this guy on this one night stand so when the new fella came along they said it was his.
The fella has took her on as his own but now the marriage has broke up. so this girl has a biological father that she knows nothing about, the man she sees has her father has a new wife and family and the mother is also remarried.

Hope that made sense :eek2:

Former Member

on her deathbed, my grandma told my aunt that the guy she thought was her dad actually wasn't. she told her a little bit about her real dad, but she died before telling lots of stuff.

then my aunt was like wow, mindfuck, what about all the stuff i want to know about him?

so personally i'd go with telling, cause if the truth comes out when she's in her 50s, and by then it's too late to do owt about it, she mght be really pissed off.

then again she could live her whole life without knowing and be perfectly happy.

Former Member

If a person has grown up loving a believing someone to be their dad, why would you want to destroy that? Just because it wasn't him who caused the child doesn't mean that he is any less of a father to the it. The biological aspects aside, a father is just a person who is loved and cared for by someone.

I know that dispite this they still deserve to know, but I'm just trying to make you see things from a different light.