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Perspective

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Do you think we lose perspective more and more these days?

Like, if something bad happens to somebody. Not bad as in losing every member of your family in a house fire, but something shitty like getting your house burgled or getting cheated on by your partner you've been seeing for the past wee while.

Do you think you can say "Oh well, there's worse people off than me, there's people with cancer and people starving" and find closure with it, do you think that really works?

It just seems to me a lot of people these days seem to feel like they've had a hard time, when really they haven't. Maybe we react differently to every different circumstance in our own way, and although there are people who don't even get food every day, relatively minor things still fuck us up, and a lot of us wallow in self pity instead of overcoming things.

I think I know what I mean :confused:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We are certainly more risk averse than we used to be. Health scares can be wipped up over very minor risks, the MMR is a classic example of that. As is CJD.

    Yet, every day risks such as driving, drinking, smoking are nearly totally ignored.

    Strange.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose it's each man to his own poison- if someone can't really cope with a "small" problem, it's going to seem just as bad to them as someone else's problem. they're not really going to be able to change that view easily.

    however, I do agree that we lose sight of things nowadays. people get so paranoid and worked up over little things, when they'd cope easier by relaxing.

    generally i get closure by getting over the problem, not by thinking how other people are worse off.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, I think we've all lost our sense of perspective to a cetain extent - we all get so worried about the smallest things, when every day in the world there are parents watching their children die of starvation, children left orphaned because of AIDs, women walking miles every day just to collect dirty water...but I guess it is difficult to relate to these things, because they are so removed from our way of life.

    What annoys me not so much is people who worry and feel self-pity, but people who *can't* ever put things into perspective and aren't prepared to get up and *do* something about their problems - it is so easy to sit and whine about how terrible your life is, and fair enough if they are circumstances outside of your control, but if there is something you can do to sort things out (and a lot of the time there is) then for gods sake do it!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's all relative. And unless you know someone personally and can speak with them on a personal level then you can't really judge. For example if you read someone's Livejournal and think to yourself 'pull yourself together' or something like that then I think that's a little mean because you'll never really know that person.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    It's all relative.

    Amen.

    One person's tragedy is just a little blip to another person...it's terribly unfair (in my opinion) when people negate others peoples' bad experiences and their feelings, simply because there are worse things going on in the world.

    Of course we need to keep perspective, I've been in situations where I've been stressing out about the tiniest things and then something really major happens to someone around me, or even in the world at large. It's important to try and keep some sense of what's really important and what is a true "problem", but that doesn't change the problems we have in everyday life.

    Does that make sense to anyone but me? :confused::D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by girl with sharp teeth
    Also, it's easy to think that all somebody ever does is moan about their life when you read livejournals - but many journals are used specifically for moaning, so you get an incredibly biased view of peoples personalities.

    :yes:

    there's always so much more to write about when you are annoyed.
    it's terribly unfair (in my opinion) when people negate others peoples' bad experiences and their feelings, simply because there are worse things going on in the world.

    yes, to a point. but then sometimes people are just annoying that way. like the other week, the woman i was working with was moaning about how she was 'dying' of a chest infection (which was so severe she managed to go shopping every day i worked there), while my grandad was in hospital dying of pneumonia. and i was like, well, thanks for being the most insensitive person i've ever met.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is all relative. I will never be one to say that someone with a shitty housemate is better off than someone who's had a parent die, because it's all about how you handle the situation.

    Though i think some things are over done, like MMR and being PC.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri, you're coming dangerously close to saying that people who are unhappy and depressed have no right to be, and that they should just shut the fuck up.

    And if you said that, I'd have to maim you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin

    yes, to a point. but then sometimes people are just annoying that way. like the other week, the woman i was working with was moaning about how she was 'dying' of a chest infection (which was so severe she managed to go shopping every day i worked there), while my grandad was in hospital dying of pneumonia. and i was like, well, thanks for being the most insensitive person i've ever met.

    I know what you mean.

    I've been through nothing basically, but some of the stuff that's gone on I've had to get on and do what I've had to do, for the sake of other people. That's why I get annoyed when people seem to think that things just sort themselves out while they do nothing about it, and it gets to the stage when they're totally out of touch with reality and they begin thinking the world owes them a ready made solution. A lot of them have the chance to do something about it, which in my case, I didn't necessarily have the chance to.

    A lot of it ties in with respect too, if you use something shitty that's happened to you and milk it for every ounce of its worth, you're going to seriously piss people off that have been through/are going through something like that, and had to deal with it, for the sake of others.

    It maybe is all relative, but there's a fine line between talking about and dealing with your problems, and using them to your advantage and losing all grip with what's really important.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bri-namite
    A lot of it ties in with respect too, if you use something shitty that's happened to you and milk it for every ounce of its worth, you're going to seriously piss people off that have been through/are going through something like that, and had to deal with it, for the sake of others.

    yeah, big time.

    you see it all the time on here. there are a lot of people here who have been through tough times, and some talk about them honestly and hopefully it helps other people going through the same thing atm.

    but then there are the others who you can just tell are OVERJOYED when something bad happens to them so they can come on here, report it, go on and on about how bad they feel for several months, and generally just piss everyone off.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've come from a single parent home on benefits when I was younger, lost family members, had mental illnesses & physical illness... Suffered abuse... bullying... I could go around saying how shit my life has been... but I think it's up to us to make a difference and to get on with things (not in a sanctimonious way).

    First we need to look at what we can and can't change. Perhaps a person has lost a job and is down about it... well it's up to them to wake up and work on getting a new job. If a relationship is going sour... then fix it or leave it.

    I do think some people believe they have it hard... But it's about finding what's beautiful in life. To be honest I have little time for people who won't help themselves or make an effort. I'm not unsympathetic... I've been there and trust me, things aren't ever as bad as people can think.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by briggi
    One person's tragedy is just a little blip to another person...it's terribly unfair (in my opinion) when people negate others peoples' bad experiences and their feelings, simply because there are worse things going on in the world.

    Does that make sense to anyone but me? :confused::D


    Ooo, definitely :yes:

    Me and my dad argued about this the other day when we were having a conversation about the floods in cornwall. He was basically saying that relatively the flood was quite minor, compared to, say, Bangladesh. I was arguing that it certainly wouldn't have been minor to the people who had to be airlifted from their bedroom windows, whose possessions and cars have been destroyed... it's probably the biggest natural disaster they'll ever go through, and I'm sure they wouldn't be comforted by the thought that 'it could be worse'. I also used to argue with my ex boyfriend about this. If I mentioned that i was tired, he'd always say, 'Oh, but I've been doing so and so, so I'm more tired than you'. It didn't matter that he was more tired, that didn't change the fact that I was tired too. It would be easy to say that nobody in this country can complain of hunger, because there are people starving in the world, but that doesn't help anyone, does it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    I will never be one to say that someone with a shitty housemate is better off than someone who's had a parent die, because it's all about how you handle the situation.

    there are exceptions to the relative rule.

    having a parent die is always going to be worse than having a shit housemate, cause you can always move out. can't exactly raise the dead.

    what it would be unfair to say is something like 'why is she so upset? it's only her old teacher that died. i lost both my parents in one day, and i'm fine.'
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    Bri, you're coming dangerously close to saying that people who are unhappy and depressed have no right to be, and that they should just shut the fuck up.

    And if you said that, I'd have to maim you.

    I had a feeling I'd fuck up what I meant.

    It's not about depression at all. That's the opposite of what I mean. I wouldn't ever suggest anything about depressed people shutting up about their depression. Depression is something that by nature need to be talked about. If somebody's depressed, the best thing they could do is talk about it. I know pretty much anything can trigger off depression, although I'm absolutely no expert.

    I'm talking about people using things that have happened to them, and they specifically aren't depressed. People who've been brought up to think that they need to be the centre of attention. Daddy's little princess, or some little kid spoilt rotten.

    Then when the £500 digicam Xmas present from Daddy gets stolen, and he won't buy me a new one, that's it. Either he buys me a new one, or she's leaving and never coming back. No sense of perspective whatsoever. Not necessarily their fault, it's the way they've been brought up.

    That's what I thinks dangerous.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bri, I think the last example you gave made what you meant more clear, thank you :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    there are exceptions to the relative rule.

    having a parent die is always going to be worse than having a shit housemate, cause you can always move out. can't exactly raise the dead.


    Trust me when I say, I speak from experience. And I would never consider someone having a shit house mate being worse off than me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    Trust me when I say, I speak from experience. And I would never consider someone having a shit house mate being worse off than me.

    i think you contradicted yourself. and i'm not sure what you're getting at.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    i think you contradicted yourself. and i'm not sure what you're getting at.

    You said that having a parent die has got to be worse than having a shit house mate.

    I speak from experience, and would never consider this to be the case.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    You said that having a parent die has got to be worse than having a shit house mate.

    I speak from experience, and would never consider this to be the case.

    ah. it came across in exactly the opposite way.

    but yeah. i've had a few shit housemates. i don't see how it even compares. you move out or they move out. problem fixed. everyone i know who's lost a parent has been absolutely devastated. i know i would be.

    anyway, i'm losing the point. my point is that you can't compare two things like that. one is a problem that can be fixed, one is something that can never be replaced.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    ah. it came across in exactly the opposite way.

    but yeah. i've had a few shit housemates. i don't see how it even compares. you move out or they move out. problem fixed. everyone i know who's lost a parent has been absolutely devastated. i know i would be.

    anyway, i'm losing the point. my point is that you can't compare two things like that. one is a problem that can be fixed, one is something that can never be replaced.


    I never said they could be compared. Personal problems aren't something that can be compared. My friends are not in a position where they can simply move out. They can't afford the rent cross over for a start. One can be fixed, one can never be replaced. But I tell you in all honesty, and this may sound harsh considering you've never experienced it, and definatly not the way I have. After all this time, I don't want resurrection, I want peace, and that's all I work for. Balance, centre and focus are disrupted in bereavement, and they can be replaced. It would be unrealistic to expect anything else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel I have had a hard time somewhat, having friends fucked me over, having my flat broken into three times, being attacked with a knife and having a personal group of people who ignore me :rolleyes: but I don't forget about people who are hard done by. On my benefits of just under £90 a fortnight, I am in the top 79% of the population financially. Now that's a scary thought...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    I feel I have had a hard time somewhat, having friends fucked me over, having my flat broken into three times, being attacked with a knife and having a personal group of people who ignore me :rolleyes: but I don't forget about people who are hard done by. On my benefits of just under £90 a fortnight, I am in the top 79% of the population financially. Now that's a scary thought...

    Here is a perfect example. Thanks mate.

    Chaos is dealing with this now, and for him it's hard, and he's struggling. I'd never in a million years tell him to get the fuck on with it because some people have parents that are dead.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    Chaos is dealing with this now, and for him it's hard, and he's struggling. I'd never in a million years tell him to get the fuck on with it because some people have parents that are dead.

    no one was saying that they would.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    no one was saying that they would.

    You were seeming to say, however, that one problem is worse than another. Contradicting yourself as well, as you also said that they are totally incomparable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    Here is a perfect example. Thanks mate.

    Chaos is dealing with this now, and for him it's hard, and he's struggling. I'd never in a million years tell him to get the fuck on with it because some people have parents that are dead.


    I think that in the end everyone has to get on with things. The world is too huge a place to worry about other people all the time, and when things are hard you can't help but think of yourself, especially when it gets you down.

    However with my sister, she's over her depression pretty much, well she has it under control, she has a full time work and has now planned out everything she wants to do in the next few years, and most of it is helping charities and people in the third world, doing work abroad, stuff like that. I look up to her. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Fiend_85
    You were seeming to say, however, that one problem is worse than another. Contradicting yourself as well, as you also said that they are totally incomparable.

    it's hardly contradictory. they are incomparable. whether one is worse that the other is irrelevant.


    what my original point was, put simply, so i can't be misquoted, was that it would be insensitive for someone who, say, earned £250 a week to moan to, say, someone like chaos or myself, who are dragging in less than £45 a week about how poor they were.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    what my original point was, put simply, so i can't be misquoted, was that it would be insensitive for someone who, say, earned £250 a week to moan to, say, someone like chaos or myself, who are dragging in less than £45 a week about how poor they were.

    Yes, you're right, it would be insensitive, but it would also be insensitive to tell you two that you had no right to feel that £45 a week was not much when there are people in the world who are incredibly lucky to earn that in a year....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kate1
    Yes, you're right, it would be insensitive, but it would also be insensitive to tell you two that you had no right to feel that £45 a week was not much when there are people in the world who are incredibly lucky to earn that in a year....

    yes, and it would also be insensitive for me to go up to someone who works their ass off for £1 a day and be all 'oh god, i only get £44 a week, and i don't even have to do anything for it. it's SO hard. POOR me. i'm SO hard done by.'

    i just think people need to think about what they're moaning about and who they're moaning to. little bit of awareness of the people round them. it doesn't take much.
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