mum n dad problems

Former Member

Right, this aint gonna make much sense, and Its kinda a weird posting, so please bear with me.

Right I'm 17, and goin to uni next year. I'm basically happy with things n im gettin on okay. Except my mum n dad. My mum is getting really bad arthritis (she's only 49) all over her body, and she is gettin less and less able to do things (like make the bed, cookin etc) and I do try to help out as does my little bro (he's 15). Its just my dad doesnt.

Sure he helps out (doin the dishes ONCE every week) and YES he works a lot, but half the time my mum is cleaning up, hoovering or whatever, and my dad is sitting on his big fat backside watching TV. I do try and talk to him, and coax him into helping out my mum, and YES he does go and try and help (for about 5 mins). Then it goes back to normal. He only does it for a quite + easy life, otherwise he would sit there all the time.

He doesnt speak to me or my bro (he does say hi, how r u etc) but he would never start up a meaningful conversation with me or my bro.
If he had his way, he would sit on his arse all day, listenin to his CD's, drinkin wine and watchin TV.

I do try + help, but I have a part time job, i got big exams basically next week, and my little bro is like a workoholic when it comes to his schoolwork (he needs to work hard, coz thats wot he's like)

I dont want them to split up, coz my mum wouldnt be able to cope on her own, with her arthritis, and im supposed to be goin to uni in october. I am so worried + stressed.

Any ideas ??

Former Member

i'm sorry to hear bout ur mums situation <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

i'm not really clued up on this, but can't u get a carer who wil help out ur mum and stuff?

There are support groups for kids like u and ur bro and they giv u advice and help u out. If its gettin to much, then u need to sort something out coz this can't take over ur whole life especially when u got exams and nxt yr u wont b around if ur goin 2 uni.

Wot u need 2 do is sit down speak 2 ur dad tel him the reality of the situation that ur goin away etc and he wil have to start helpin out a lot more.

If he dusent get it, then u wil have to seek help elsewhere. It is unfair to lumber all that on ur bro.

Hope iv helped. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

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Former Member

I'll have a look around for some support groups, I'm sure I've seen some ones which would be relevant.

Does your ISP provide access to newsgroups? if so, have a look at -
alt.support.arthritis or
uk.people.suport.arthritis

I'm sure the people there would be able to help you.

Have you considered the possibility that your father cannot cope, mentally, with what is happening to the one he loves?

I know I have to block out my husband's ailments. It can be very depressing to see somone struggling, especially when you know they are never going to get better. I get depressed about it sometimes & often my only way out is to pretend it's not happening. Maybe your Dad needs some counselling?

j9

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I had a life once, but I stopped feeding it so one day it just walked away.

MTS ^5

Former Member

i'd say that your dad is living in deny... not his fault just that he can't risk loosing you and your mum....

Girl-From-Mars

mojo, are you living my life and not telling me?!

im 18, also goign to uni next year, my bro's almost 13. my mum has rheumatoid arthritis, mostly in her hands and in her neck, and its getting worse too. she has REALLY bad eczema on her legs which gets worse when she worries, which she does a lot of.

my mum stays at home and my dad goes to work. my dad had whatsome docs say was a heart attack about 2 years ago now, althuogh most still say it was indigestion or something and yet they have to put heart attack down to cover themselves and coz of some test results. as a result of this, hes on light duties and cmes home at 3pm every day.

basically hes a big hypochondriac, every little twinge he moans about and has to have a lie down and a day or two off. when he comes home fromw ork he goes to lie on his bed and read the paper and falls asleep, 6pm ish he goes on the internet. his day continues with a gratuituous comment about the dinner beign nice, tv watching and further chatting on the itnernet.

meanwhile my mum does ALL the housework, and runs us kids about places, dad does sod all. my mum has depression, and its brought about partly by the situation at home. she tends to bottle thigns up and not discuss them, she talks to me rather than my dad and things arent great between them, for my mum particularly, she isnt that happy and not "in love", just content, apart from with all these little niggly thigns about my dad.

anyway basically i know how you feel. my mum doesnt want to ask my dad tohelp around the house more, he makes a big deal of beign tired out from work and its like he has to have his own time or something. but my mum does way more than he does, my dad sually jokes aroudn or has a go at me, whereas my mum is the one i talk to far more about everything.

i dont have too many solutions, just be there for eithe rparent if they need to talk, or maybe recommend counselling for either like has been mentioned. its not your responsibility to solve all their probs though, you have enough of your own at the mo with exams, maybe you need to talk to your dad like has been mentioned before about how you'll be leaving in october and you dont thik your mum can cope by herself and suggest that he could help more around the house, without sounding accusing!

sorry if i havent been too much help, ranting on about my own life! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

hope it all gets better for you.

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If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up somewhere else.