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jealousy which I want rid of
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi people
Before I begin, i have to say this isn't the first time I've felt like this, other times, it has just taken time to heal the problem, but I need to find another cure
Yesterday, I had arranged to meet up with my friend, Rach, who I hadn't seen in about 3 months n hadn't spoken to in about 1 month, and her and my friend, Anne. I had mentioned to Anne that my other mate, Kyle had told me he wanted to meet Rach sometime,just to get to know, cos i had talked about her a bit to him,as there was a time that I did fancy her, and I did think that had gone away now. Anne misinterpreted this in my opinion, thinking that Kyle wanted to meet her cos he liked her (yet he had never seen her, apart from a picture). So in the end last night, we arranged to meet up at the pub, Me, Rach, Kyle and Anne. Kyle did say to me beforehand, he wouldn't do anything because of how I still felt, cos a part of me still liked her. I said as much as I would be a little jealous, that's about it, don't thnk about me, just don't go with her in my face. We had a bit of a laugh, playing pool,chatting.
Later, we all went back to Kyle's house along with another guy (Pete). I had thought that in the pub, Kyle n Rach did talk but not a great deal. We watched abit of telly , got a little drunk, then played the comp for a bit. When Rach went upstairs to use the toilet, Kyle went up (jus cos i told him to get a CD) i just went to the bottom of the stairs and he was behind her (she was outside the toilet cos someone was in it) Kyle saw me and then walked away from her. When he came down I asked if he had just gone with her, he said no, and that she was holding his hand. He said it was just the booze. Then whilst I was on the computer, I was just looking at Rach every now and then and realised her hand was on Kyle's leg, from that, they started holding hands and having their arms around each other. Kyle, Pete and Anne were all looking at me they all knew how I felt about her, I was just keeping my eyes on the TV screen, trying to shut it out, but we all know, that makes it worse. Later on me n Kyle were alone in the kitchen talking. He said he was sorry about wot i saw, and that he did like her. He asked me if I had a problem and if I did, he would stop it. I couldn't say that to him, I said i was jealous, cos I knew I would be, he reminded me that I said I wouldn't be bothered by it, but I think it's a little different when you see it for real. He said it could even be the booze that's causing it all, she hadn't even gave him her number (yet i think she wud av now). He could tell i was upset and said he didn't want us to fall out, as it had happened before with us both with other mates, all down to women. I jus said to him, don't kiss her 2nite, or let her kiss you, even if I'm not in the room,don't. He said he wouldn't. At that time, Kyle had gone upstairs, Rach was about to go and went up to give him his phone, as it was ringing. Me, Anne and Pete were in the living room all silent, Anne was waiting for me to say something and i jus said to leave it until 2moro when i've sobered up. When I'd gone to the bottom of the stairs, I heard them talking, what they were talking about, I don't know ( I will ask him next time I see him). When Rach n Anne left, Kyle said to me no one kissed, I replied quite loud at it saying I didn't wanna fuckin talk about it. Then we had a little poker game, which was very boring and then left at about 2.
Like I said, i have felt like this before and time cured it, but I need to find another way, If it was just a little thing that just happened that night, then fine ( seeing as the distance between him n her isn't short, as it wud av been the same with me n her as i live right near him). But If something does develop, I know I will get jelaous and upset about it. If it had been her and someone I didn't know, then maybe it wouldn't feel so bad,but it was one of my best mates.Whether he said to her, he couldn't carry on cos of the way I would feel, I really don't know and if it was, i don't know if that makes me the bad guy and him the good guy as he's putting his friends first.(after all he'd met her for about 4 hours).
I'm supposed to be having a BBQ in the begining of August as well and I'd invited her and him. Now I really am not sure about it, cos it would just start the wheels off in my head again. She txtd me this morning asking how we all were and I couldn't even reply to that, the 2 photographs I had of her on my wall are now in the bin. I could barely sleep last night because my mind was playing back the sight of them holding hands over and over again. You always know that the way to get rid of it is to do something to put your mind off it, but 1) you rarely do it and 2) it still comes back later on.
Help me please, surely there is another way
Before I begin, i have to say this isn't the first time I've felt like this, other times, it has just taken time to heal the problem, but I need to find another cure
Yesterday, I had arranged to meet up with my friend, Rach, who I hadn't seen in about 3 months n hadn't spoken to in about 1 month, and her and my friend, Anne. I had mentioned to Anne that my other mate, Kyle had told me he wanted to meet Rach sometime,just to get to know, cos i had talked about her a bit to him,as there was a time that I did fancy her, and I did think that had gone away now. Anne misinterpreted this in my opinion, thinking that Kyle wanted to meet her cos he liked her (yet he had never seen her, apart from a picture). So in the end last night, we arranged to meet up at the pub, Me, Rach, Kyle and Anne. Kyle did say to me beforehand, he wouldn't do anything because of how I still felt, cos a part of me still liked her. I said as much as I would be a little jealous, that's about it, don't thnk about me, just don't go with her in my face. We had a bit of a laugh, playing pool,chatting.
Later, we all went back to Kyle's house along with another guy (Pete). I had thought that in the pub, Kyle n Rach did talk but not a great deal. We watched abit of telly , got a little drunk, then played the comp for a bit. When Rach went upstairs to use the toilet, Kyle went up (jus cos i told him to get a CD) i just went to the bottom of the stairs and he was behind her (she was outside the toilet cos someone was in it) Kyle saw me and then walked away from her. When he came down I asked if he had just gone with her, he said no, and that she was holding his hand. He said it was just the booze. Then whilst I was on the computer, I was just looking at Rach every now and then and realised her hand was on Kyle's leg, from that, they started holding hands and having their arms around each other. Kyle, Pete and Anne were all looking at me they all knew how I felt about her, I was just keeping my eyes on the TV screen, trying to shut it out, but we all know, that makes it worse. Later on me n Kyle were alone in the kitchen talking. He said he was sorry about wot i saw, and that he did like her. He asked me if I had a problem and if I did, he would stop it. I couldn't say that to him, I said i was jealous, cos I knew I would be, he reminded me that I said I wouldn't be bothered by it, but I think it's a little different when you see it for real. He said it could even be the booze that's causing it all, she hadn't even gave him her number (yet i think she wud av now). He could tell i was upset and said he didn't want us to fall out, as it had happened before with us both with other mates, all down to women. I jus said to him, don't kiss her 2nite, or let her kiss you, even if I'm not in the room,don't. He said he wouldn't. At that time, Kyle had gone upstairs, Rach was about to go and went up to give him his phone, as it was ringing. Me, Anne and Pete were in the living room all silent, Anne was waiting for me to say something and i jus said to leave it until 2moro when i've sobered up. When I'd gone to the bottom of the stairs, I heard them talking, what they were talking about, I don't know ( I will ask him next time I see him). When Rach n Anne left, Kyle said to me no one kissed, I replied quite loud at it saying I didn't wanna fuckin talk about it. Then we had a little poker game, which was very boring and then left at about 2.
Like I said, i have felt like this before and time cured it, but I need to find another way, If it was just a little thing that just happened that night, then fine ( seeing as the distance between him n her isn't short, as it wud av been the same with me n her as i live right near him). But If something does develop, I know I will get jelaous and upset about it. If it had been her and someone I didn't know, then maybe it wouldn't feel so bad,but it was one of my best mates.Whether he said to her, he couldn't carry on cos of the way I would feel, I really don't know and if it was, i don't know if that makes me the bad guy and him the good guy as he's putting his friends first.(after all he'd met her for about 4 hours).
I'm supposed to be having a BBQ in the begining of August as well and I'd invited her and him. Now I really am not sure about it, cos it would just start the wheels off in my head again. She txtd me this morning asking how we all were and I couldn't even reply to that, the 2 photographs I had of her on my wall are now in the bin. I could barely sleep last night because my mind was playing back the sight of them holding hands over and over again. You always know that the way to get rid of it is to do something to put your mind off it, but 1) you rarely do it and 2) it still comes back later on.
Help me please, surely there is another way
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Comments
It looks like you like her a lot, even if you dont fancy her you might be scared that kyle is taking a good friend away from you and thats the last thing you need. To be honest i think they are both slightly in the wrong, they know how you feel and shouldnt be displaying this affection with eachother to you especially as they know you care about them both a lot.
Its good that you have let your feelings out to us, hopefully that has helped a little but now i think you need to let the feelings out to your best ever friend. This person will do everything humanly possible to help you and make you feel better (even if they dont wanna hear it they will help).
I truely know how you feel though, i have been in this exact situation twice and the feeling is unbearable. I nearly fell out with my best girlfriend over it and you dont wanna do that. Friends are still friends after all.
Take the photos out of the bin, you will regret throwing them away otherwise but dont have them on a wall. Have them in a conainer or do what i do, put all your favourite stuff in a photo album (providing it fits).
What you need to remember is that friends always come first and you should never let a girl come in between you. Girls can be very evil without knowing it and they have destroyed friendships for loads of people. Sorry that sounds sexist, guys can be just as bad. The world is a cruel place im afraid.
Sorry i havent gave you an answer to your question, but hopefully this post will help a little even if it is just me, a random guy writing a load of crap. But keep your chin up mate and hopefully things wont be so bad
hiya
Well I have been to work 2day ( part timer at Mcd's) and suprise suprise, Rach and Anne come in. Luckily I didn't get eye contact, so I jus pretended not to look at them, not to look at any of the queues. Then when they went, i got a txt from Anne saying
"hi i know your skint, but do u, pete and kyle fancy coming pub?if u dont wanna come cos of last night, you cud at least do me and rach the favour of giving us kyle and pete's numbers"
Does anyone have any idea how hurtful that is?
I would like to get one thing straight. I am a human being who has feelings, just like everyone else on the planet, I am NOT a matchmaker
I just got so annoyed, I ended up kicking stuff around at work and I cud have burst out crying. How can someone have the nerve to do that? I've known Rach for about 7 month, Anne for 3 and they had to go say that to get numbers off guys who they'd known for about 3 hours
I gave them the number, and told my dad that is not a friend and I don't want anything to do with people like that. He said I was right, my mum's saying that girl's say all sorts of things like that, fuck that!!! Fancying someone has fuck all to do with it.
Then after about 6, both of them were constantly ringing my phone, why i don't know, i didnt pick up, switched it off, so then they ring my house, so my parent's end up lying, saying i've gone out.
I'm jus worried that when i switch my phone back on late 2nite, where they won't ring, it will be full of shit from them, saying wot? i dont know. Rach would have found out for definite that i stil fancied her by now.
So how do i get it through to them? by voice or by txt/mail?
help me please, this has just got so much worse
I'm 18, the others are 17
Sorry its got me worked up because i do know how you feel, in fact the same is kinda happening to me right now.
I have to admit that some girls are like that, some of them dont care about a guys feelings AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT LADIES US GUYS DO HAVE FEELINGS THANK YOU.
Im guessing that maybe you should take a break from them and see a few other friends. Then when you feel the time is right you need to have a serious chat with these girls about your friendships and what they mean. Its not nice to loose friends over crushes and stuff.
Remember im here if you still need to talk mate.
Wel on tuesday morning, after receiving 4 msgs saying from Rach "stop avoiding us" and from anne "wot happended has nothing to do with me, i've done nothing wrong" ( but she HAS, SHE sent that msg) i txtd anne saying "i thought u were my friend, do u av any idea how hurtful that msg was? I'm a human being with feelings, not a matchmaker or a dating agency, youve got his number now anyway, don't call me, il call u when im in a better mood". She replied with "no one said for u to be a matchmaker, if rach n kyle were gunna get together, they wud av done themseleves ( she knows she's wrong there, cos it was me who introduced them in the 1st place) "im really sorry how that msg was phrased. i didnt mean it like that and i hope we can continue bein mates" i said "u dont want or need me around and i dont wanna be around anymore.not my idea of fun being a gooseberry,if i get in a better mood, il do summat, otherwise, please just leave me alone" she said "fair enuff, il stop pestering u if u dont wanna talk to me, i do want u and need u around, ur a wkd guy and gr8 mate. if rach n kyle do get together, u , me and pete can stil have a laff with them,if u think i was using u to get to kyle or something, i wasnt. il leave you to think it over" Who the hell does she think she's fooling? I'm almost certain she fancies my mate Pete now and suddenly thinks she knows everything about him and kyle after meeting them once. I haven't talked to her or Rach, but a guy who I told at work said that it sounds like they are both shallow people who go for looks, rach in particular. I thought that seeing as when we were in the pub, me and kyle were talking about the 2 girls he got off with on friday night. If a girl was talking about that and i had jus met the girl, i wud look elsewhere. Also due to the fact that she was laffing at every slightly comical thing he said and although this is a small thing, due to the fact that she hates beer, lager or bitter, unless of course, HE'S drinking it.
It's now thursday and I was talking to one of Anne and Rach's mates last night on the MSN, a girl i work with. She was trying to hide things from me but I got it out of her, so 1) Anne now fancies my other mate, Pete, so Yes, I was going to just be used as a sideliner and 2) Apparently Rach and Kyle are now going out, this was decided the night after they met. To be honest I had a feeling the 2nd one would happen.
I've just been to his house now to drop off some money i owed him, so i jus put it thru the letterbox followed by a note which said
In the circumstances at the moment, I don’t think Rachel should come to my BBQ. In all honesty, I really do not want to see her there. It was bad enough seeing her and Anne at work followed by a msg from Anne which hurt me so much. I know you two are going out now and I’m sure you can imagine it being a bit of a shock for me even though I had a feeling it would happen, but I do not want to relive Sunday night in my own house. It’s too soon. If that means that you are not going to come either now, then I’m very sorry, but so be it. Take Care
In my opinion, that is something I had to do. He never replied my txt on Monday and he never replied the msgs i sent to him on MSN last night.
Could you people help me out again on this one please? Correct me If I've fucked up.
Its good that your brave enough to let your friends know how you feel and tell them its hurt you, thats always a good start. You mentioned that you would text anne when you are in a better mood and to be honest i think that better mood needs to hurry up because you dont want to loose friends over this.
My advice would be to contact them in the next couple of days, talk on the phone a bit maybe and meet up again. You care for your friends and you honestly dont wanna loose them do you? So id say try to fight your jealousy by confronting it otherwise you will bump into them and it will make things worse.
Were still here for you mate so just ask if you need help. Hope thats helpful in some way
Hi again people.
Well I spoke to Kyle a few weeks ago on the MSN and he was for some reason very apologetic about everything. Then went on saying that he was gunna finish it because 1) He didn't want a gf and 2) he didn't wanna lose me. I said I didn't think he meant what he said and we would talk about it more another time. He told me again last Friday he was gunna end it. Then last Sunday I txtd him asking what he was up to, he said he was in town on the pull. So I assumed ( like i think anyone would) that they had finished. Then Rach txtd me the same day asking if me n her could still be mates. I decided I wanted to get it settled, so arranged to meet her on Tuesday (Yesterday). I mentioned the txt Kyle had sent assuming they had split up, but of course, she knows nothing about this. She got all upset and went into tears. I was trying to comfort her suppose with the usual movie trick, (Holding hands, kiss on the forehead, etc.) She then rang him on my phone seeing as he wasn't answering her phone. They had a little chat and she was asking what he wanted.
Later on when i was in work, she txtd me asking for Kyle's house number cos she wanted to end it and get it over n done with, so I gave it her.
She rang me last night but it was the last kinda thing I was expecting. She said they had talked and he had said to her that I'd told him something
I'd told him she was after soemthing serious.
Rach was pissed at this and started saying who gave me the right to say that. I really didn't mean to put it like it was a bad thing, but merely just something that was said in passing, just stating something about her. She was then accusing me of planning it all out and was saying things like "You may have won this one". I was apologising over and over again, she said she'd talk when she's in a better mood.
Yes, I can admit, I've fucked up, I didn't keep my mouth shut when I should have.
Then I ended up writing Kyle a letter apologising and that if what I said about her was the main reason for him avoiding her, then don't let it be, meet her, go out with her, whatever. ( Ironic it sounds now that I'm telling him to go out with her when last week I really didn't want them to go out). So I suppose I can only sit and wait.
My mate who knows us all said it will pass, what Rach said was a spare of the moment thing and will understand that I didn't mean to do it or to make it sound like a bad thing, but I'm not sure.
What else can I do,people?? I just want to put things right now
Either way your not gonna be totally happy mate. If they stay together your not gonna like it and if they stay apart them one of them may stay really pissed at you for no reason which you will also not like.
Im not sure on what you can do but i can say you need to keep your head up and not give in to any plans they may have like spreading a rumour or something. Also make sure they know you didnt mean to say what you said (even though i didnt see anything abusive there).
Good luck
I spoke to my mate, Pete yesterday and he was on the phone to Kyle. Now this is what I can't keep up with Kyle, he tells people different things and it confuses us all, he told Pete that it was me who ruined the relationship between him and her, then instead of saying it was because of me telling him about her wanting something serious which caused it all, he told Pete that it was because of me telling her about him being out on the pull.
Pete then told me what Kyle had told another guy (Dane) that he would have finished it with Rach anyway, which is what I came to realise myself, he told me he was going to end it BEFORE I even told him about her being serious.
Last night we all were in the pub and me and Kyle had a talk , mainly about the letter I sent him. He said I shouldn't worry about anything, when I told him about her going ape shit at me, he looked very suprised. He said she had said similar things to him referring to me that she said directly to me, such as the accusation of me planning it all out, and that I may have won this one ( What I have won, I really don't know)
But Kyle said to me that I had done nothing wrong and just mentioned that he was joking when he said he was on the pull. I told him it's a little difficult to tell if you're joking when it's on a txt message and that I thought, like any other human being would think that you and her had split up then. I admitted to him that I said to her, by the time college starts again in September, Kyle is going to be like any 18yr old would be like in front of about 1000 females, he's gunna want some fun, Kyle was slightly annoyed at this, but I jus told him to tell me that I'm lying, but he said I was right and that he just didn't want a gf, which is what I told Rach, that it's not Kyle getting at her, it's Kyle getting at women as a whole. As you can probably imagine, they have split up now.
I need to tell him to tell her that it was his decision though and I am not the primary cause of it all.
But I also think, would it make much difference, cos although Rach says she values me and her as good friends, she only ever talks to me properly when she's down, when she's not down, she'll never talk, probably text once every full moon.
Which direction is everyone going in people? It's another confusing situation for me.