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Men like this...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My ex boyfriend (father of baby) just decided to send me a text messege. I aint heard from him in ages and the last thing he heard I thought I was gonna loose the baby... still he never rung me. I wont go into the boring details of how he has treated me or what he has done but take a look at our conversation through text messages, I have to share it coz I just cant beleive someone can be such an idiot...
Him - I know u dont want anything to do with me, but will you call me when the baby's born?
Me - Im not gonna have a row with u, but let me get one thing straight, its u that chose to have nothing to do with me and the baby.
Him - Thats coz everythime I eventually called u, u had a go at me. I want us to talk from now on, what do u think?
Me - You think thats possible do you? When u have made no effort to help me out financially and all u care about is the sex of the baby. U just dont get it do u?
Him - Its was your choice to have the baby. I knew I couldnt afford a baby and nor can you!
Me - How dare you! I want this baby, its the best thing thats happened to me. Why the fuck should u have anything to do with it when u cant even part with your money! U r a narrow minded little idiot, if u have more to say then fone me, otherwise fuck off!
And thats about it! He didnt fone me and he obviosly had nothing else to say. I was so angry after this episode, how can he say that it was my choice to have the baby and basically he didnt want it so why should he give me any money...yet he still thinks he has a right to see it! It was my choice to have the baby, but I did it knowing I could never live with myself if I got rid of it. I also made the choice thinking he would help me out (he said he would) yet he went behind my back a week later and has given me nothing to buy baby things with. This is the boy who spent all the time while I was with him telling me he wanted a familly, and when I fell pregnant and considered having an abortion he didnt talk to me for ages coz he said he didnt want me to have one. Now he wishes I had!How can he expect to give me no money when he earns loads and still be able to see it when it suits him?
This is a life form, its his child. I find it hard to beleive anyone can treat it like he has. He dont seem to realise that it takes two to make a baby and he was the other person!
Just interested to no what other people think of men like this?
Him - I know u dont want anything to do with me, but will you call me when the baby's born?
Me - Im not gonna have a row with u, but let me get one thing straight, its u that chose to have nothing to do with me and the baby.
Him - Thats coz everythime I eventually called u, u had a go at me. I want us to talk from now on, what do u think?
Me - You think thats possible do you? When u have made no effort to help me out financially and all u care about is the sex of the baby. U just dont get it do u?
Him - Its was your choice to have the baby. I knew I couldnt afford a baby and nor can you!
Me - How dare you! I want this baby, its the best thing thats happened to me. Why the fuck should u have anything to do with it when u cant even part with your money! U r a narrow minded little idiot, if u have more to say then fone me, otherwise fuck off!
And thats about it! He didnt fone me and he obviosly had nothing else to say. I was so angry after this episode, how can he say that it was my choice to have the baby and basically he didnt want it so why should he give me any money...yet he still thinks he has a right to see it! It was my choice to have the baby, but I did it knowing I could never live with myself if I got rid of it. I also made the choice thinking he would help me out (he said he would) yet he went behind my back a week later and has given me nothing to buy baby things with. This is the boy who spent all the time while I was with him telling me he wanted a familly, and when I fell pregnant and considered having an abortion he didnt talk to me for ages coz he said he didnt want me to have one. Now he wishes I had!How can he expect to give me no money when he earns loads and still be able to see it when it suits him?
This is a life form, its his child. I find it hard to beleive anyone can treat it like he has. He dont seem to realise that it takes two to make a baby and he was the other person!
Just interested to no what other people think of men like this?
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Comments
He has no right to treat you or your baby that way. the fact that he's not even willing to give you support is mind-blowing in itself. i just can't understand how he thinks he's going to be able to get away with seeing the baby, yet not contributing to it's well-being.
you absolutely have every right to be pissed as hell and keep this guy away, and i totally support you with that, he just isn't worth wasting thought upon. He has no claim on you or the baby, and you have no reason to give thought to him until he changes his ways.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lolly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
be happy, and think to the future
LIFE: Quite interesting in parts, but no substitute for the real thing
Well I have been in this situation.
He may be acting out of order but look at it from his perspective. When he said he always wanted a family, did you seriously think he meant as a teenager? I can bet that he didn't.
His text messages to you were him trying to make ammends, if you were able to misinterpret them as something bad then that is your fault, do you expect him to ring you after you call him a fucking idiot? I didn't think so, and he probably saw it as a sign that you didn't really want him to ring you anyway.
I'm not standing up for him, but I'm trying to make you open your eyes a little and see that he is trying to do the right thing. Did you try and ring him during your pregnancy? Why should it be down to him to contact you when you have been openly hostile to him? I accept that he was probably a tight arsehole but look at things objectively.
I asked for peoples oppinions so I guess I asked for a response like this. Let me start by saying that I found your post a bit hostile and not very understanding. You say u have been in this situation...am I guessing right by saying u r the bloke in a situation where a girl got pregnant? Just interested in knowing thats all.
U obviuosly dont no enough about what has gone on or about this bloke and as u stated u think I should open my eyes, well my eyes r as wide open as they can be and I hope the following helps u to understand my situation a bit more.
I have looked at it from his perspective, beleive me I have, unfortunatly he hasnt done the same for me. I dont expect anything from anyone so I didnt expect him to try to get a familly as a teenager but thats the way it is given the fact I am the third girl he has got pregnant (I found this out after splitting up with him by the way)! He didnt just say he wanted a familly meaning any age, he told me many a time he wanted a child now...this boy has been in care all his life so I kind of saw why he might want to start a familly so young. Let me just add that I didnt fall pregnant because I wanted a familly with him, it was a silly mistake, but this doesnt change the fact that this boy has gone to extreeme lengths to get a familly.
So I bet u that he did mean as a teenager!!
His text messages were not trying to make ammends. U dont text the mother of your baby asking to b foned when u have the baby, if u havent offered any kind of financial support. If he had wanted to make ammends then he would have offered his help through the pregnancy, and would have at least foned me when I thought I was miscarrying! How can anyone expect to stay friendly with the girl when they have not payed a penny towards the child that is theirs!?
As for seeing that he is doing the right thing...please tell me how that is? My eyes must be closed on this one coz I really dont see how he is trying to do the right thing? He lied to my father by telling him he was saving money for the baby and would send statements to proove it. He waves £400 in cash around infront of one of my best mates yet claims he cant afford to have a baby and its not his fault I chose to keep it. Trying to do the right thing would be foning often enough to make sure the baby is ok and well, not sending petty text messages once in a blue moon. Doing the right thing would be putting a little money aside for the child u helped create. Doing the right thing wouldnt be almost forcing my best friend to have sex with him a week after finding out Im having his baby! Call me stupid, but what he has done dosent hit me as being the right thing so far!
I have tried to ring him during the pregnacy, once I left a messege sayiong I was concerened I would loose the baby, he didnt get hold of me for a week after! After he went behind my back I arranged to see him with my parents and talk about the future and the baby etc. We arranged a time and everything and he didnt show up, he was out with a friend getting pissed!Personaly I dont see why I should bother after he clearly dont give a crap...and I do see it as his responsability to fone me. When he has given me no financial support, yet claims to wanna see the baby I dont see why I should ring him at all!
I hope this has made things a little clearer and helped u to see that my eyes arnt as closed as u think and I have learnt a lot through life that has taught me to keep my eyes wide open!
Im goin to see a solisetor (sp?) to find out is he gets rights to see the child if he pays child benefit. If the answer is no then Ill get them to chase him up but if its yes Im not goin to risk it and will just forget the whole thing.
Once again thanks a lot <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Its because you left our several of the things that you have just mentioned. Because you never mentioned any of the above things I assumed you were expecting him to do everything.
As for my situation, it is a reversal. My ex gf got pregnant but she didn't tell me. I only found out 4 months later by accident.
This is why I wrote and seemed angry at the sametime, because your first post made it seem like you hadnt made any effort to contact him. However I realise I made a mistake, which I apologise for, next time give me more info to work on, lol.
As for what to do, here's what you can do. tell him he has had his last chance to do anything. Register the baby as "father unknown" and then just ex-communicate your bf. Dont tell him anything. If he wont be supportive at all then you have no reason to tell him anything. Just dont expect any help from him later on.
I apologise again for my previous post, I hope it all goes well, but do remember one thing, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Whatever you do decide to do in the end, take care to think about the conscequences.
Sorry that I didnt give all the info, I accept that its easy to see what u did. Im glad that u see my point of veiw now, and that I made myselkf clear coz I dont want people thinking I shut him out by choice. Also Im sorry that u had that done to u. I dont understand how people can do that, Id give anything for this child to be able to have a decent father around that gave a crap.
Cheers for your advice, he wasnt goin on the birth certificate anyway as my mums a registrar so we knew it would be a bad idea from the start!Anyway, sorry if I got a little moody, I did take offence to your post but I can see now why u wrote what u did.