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in need of cheering up ...

littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
so tell me your favourite joke. i dont know any good ones and any bad ones i have are just too bad to share.

so ... make me giggle :p

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
    Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

    "About 35," was the reply.

    "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

    After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

    The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

    "I am actually 47."

    Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

    She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

    As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

    Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

    Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

    The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    Originally posted by David Grohl
    A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
    Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

    "About 35," was the reply.

    "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

    After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

    The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

    "I am actually 47."

    Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

    She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

    As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

    Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

    Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

    The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."

    :lol: that was good. i actually laughed out loud.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.

    He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

    So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

    So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah," he replies. "Costs too fucking much!"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this off the subject but this site is amusing. losers
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    shadow.jpg




    There are all my pictures and short stories in my LJ too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A man and a woman are in bed. The guy feels horney so starts kissing his wife on her neck. She says "not tonight love I have a gynagolocist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh". Feeling rejected the guy sighs and rolls over. Two mins later he rolls back to face his Mrs and says "You don't have a dentists appointment tomorrow do you love?" :D
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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    Originally posted by Infinite
    There are all my pictures and short stories in my LJ too.

    that is true. your LJ always makes me smile :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I always forget them, just sent you a text though.
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    Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
    A high-class lady calls to her servant. "James, come here now". James comes, and the lady tells him "Take my gloves off". James sighs and does it. "Now take my shoes off." James does that too, Then the lady says, "Now take my skirt off."
    James hesitates, but the lady insists: "James, take my skirt off now." So James does that too. And then the lady says, "And if I ever see you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."
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