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im back wit yet another prob!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i think i mite just ask Karla and KateW about getting my own forum!

last week (thursday), lucy told me she had slit her hand on a staple in her exercise book. She said it was an accident and i believed her.

But today, shes just told me she accidentally cut her arm with a pair of scissors. Why do i get the feeling it wasnt an accident???

I asked her if they really were an accident (mayb it wasnt the rite thing to do, im not sure) and shes one nuts on me "i didnt expect you not to believe me".

Help

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know this sounds really wired but somepeople do this and it's normally for one of two reasons, attention, or pain relife,
    Attention is simple cus the person is crying out in psycal ways,
    but if its pain relife it's harder to deal with cus when I was really depressed I used to do it all the time it was never anything to worry about I just didn't wan't others to know, and psycal pain take away from the emontional pain one is feeling,
    I would keep an eye on your friend and don't do anything unless it stats to get serious!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you need to ask some of her friends about it coz it sounds like she is doing it coz of pain relief or attention but im not sure about attention. if she blew at you there is something wrong!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Dai...

    Well, I just finished reading through a load of your old posts and this is such a confusing relationship! Wow.

    Ok, first of all there are many reasons why people self-injure (you might want to look at some of the things the site has written about self-harm). It could be a call for attention, a way to release/lessen emotional pain, assurance that they can still feel pain (when people feel emotionally dead), self-punishment for other behaviors or used in replacement of other "bad" behaviors or many other things.

    I guess the important thing is that if it is self-harm, you can't force her to admit it to you. She's already been pretty open with you about the attempted rape and so if she can't trust you with this new information then she's not ready to tell anyone yet.

    My biggest advice for you is that you should encourage her to see a psychologist or counselor or someone. She has so many issues to deal with right now: sexual abuse, depression, bad self-image, and self-harm. If she's not already fighting with an eating disorder then she is definetly on the path to having one with these types of issues going on.

    I guess my other question for you is why you feel a need to be so involved in Lucy's life? Do you have a crush on her or is this completely plutonic? She treats you like crap and while I'm glad that you're in her life as a sane voice of reason, you've also become very dependent upon her- to the point that you've lost your other friends (Clare) as a result and feel the need to keep your phone with you at all hours.

    Be there for her and be supportive but move on with your life. You can not fix all her problems and you're not responsible for the decisions that she makes. She may have confided in you because you are somewhat distant in her life (it's easier to talk to a stranger than your best friend sometimes) and she feels threatened that you're making the relationship something more than that.

    I don't know what else to say... keep posting and we'll keep replying. And maybe the mods will give you your own forum eventually <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Keep smiling! -Sarah
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I originally started talking to lucy coz i really fancied her... i have to admit, i am still really attracted to her but ive sorta pushed that to the back of my mind.

    im not sure why i need to keep my phone on permanently.

    For some reason, i feel really close to lucy and when i cant talk to her, i get really depressed. Lucy has restored my faith in girls, before her, i thought they were all bitches.

    Im not sure why, but i feel its my responsibility to help lucy through this.

    Even though i am really attracted to her, i try to ignore it because i know she wants to keep it completely plutonic.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you need to sit her down in a neautral place and have a honest chat to her and actually tell her how much you care for her!! that will give her confidence in you and she might open up to you even more but please dont argue with her if she shouts just be calm!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Perhaps you can start by addressing the issue of caring for her as a friend. I have lots of female friends who accept that I can care about them like that, and as a result, they are far more open in discussing feelings and problems than they might otherwise be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive told her how i feel about her, but not in person. i tried to tell her in person but i freaked out and couldnt do it.

    Unfortunatly, my brain seems in capable of talking to girls about how i feel about them!!!

    I told lucy this morning how i feel, and she seemed really happy (if you can count a MSN smile and "thanx" repeated a few times as happy!!)

    Anyway, since then... well, we've just had a 2 hour talk about each others sexual fantasies!!!

    lol,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Unfortunatly, my brain seems in capable of talking to girls about how i feel about them!!!

    To be fair, not an uncommon problem. And not just for guys.

    It's great that you have been open with her though!!

    You really could do with suggesting counselling if she's self-harming. It's not the easiest thing to tell someone you care for, but there are subtler ways to suggest it than 'hell, you're going psycho, you need help' so maybe you should try find a way.
    Anyway, since then... well, we've just had a 2 hour talk about each others sexual fantasies!!!

    How old is this girl?!?! Btw, what do your mates think to you fancying a younger girl? That's if she is as old as I think she is...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lucy is 13, 14 in a few weeks. Im 15, 16 in august.

    Clare is the only one of my m8s who knows. I havnt told anyone else because i know they wont approve.

    I do really care about lucy, which is why im doing my best to help her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's obvious you cared for her, if you didn't you would have pulled out a long time ago. Just make sure that with all this worrying you still have time to look after number one, Ok?? Promise!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I promise.... luckily, in between helping lucy, ive managed to fit in 5 hours of revision today!!!!

    Oh... Clare, i know your going to read this, so... wot do you think about me fancying a girl whos younger than me by about 2 years???
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, I'm Clare, the one Daf spoke about. I would like to say that yeah, we'll never be the same again, but we'll always be mates,and you can come to me with a problem whenever you need. I will ALWAYS be here for you.

    Next thing: In answer to your question, I don't think it's bad with the age gap. I went out with a boy who was two years younger than me, but that is just my opinion - lots of people wont agree with me, but it's not what other people think that should matter to you. You have to learn that you can't depend on what other people think. You are your own person, and a good one at that! And Whatever you do, you know I'll always support you.

    I also wanna say sorry, publically so you know I really mean it. I said some really horrible things - none of which were true, but I was hurt and upset. I know they do not excuse what I said and did, but I hope you realsie that I still care for you, and I never meant to hurt you.

    Okay, that's all for now, hope to takl to ya soon, byeeee <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also wanna say sorry, publically so you know I really mean it. I said some really horrible things - none of which were true, but I was hurt and upset. I know they do not excuse what I said and did, but I hope you realsie that I still care for you, and I never meant to hurt you

    Thanks clare, since we're in the public announcement business at the moment.... i would also like to apologise to you clare. i shouldnt have poured all my problems with lucy onto you. I can understand why you were hurt and upset, i never meant to hurt you either.

    You know i still really care for you too, without you i wouldnt have been able to cope with splittin wit xana.

    I promise you now clare, anytime you need anyone to talk to, 24/7, or someone to be there for you, you can count on me. Your an important friend to me, have been since i met you, i really appreciate everything youve done for me.

    i will ALWAYS be here for you, and i mean ALWAYS.

    Thank you so much clare.

    Luv
    Dai
    xxxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, as this is all sorted, and I am very glad it is, I'm gonna give you a bit of advice...

    Right, I've spoken to Lucy a few times, and she seems a really nice kid, but you have to realise, this problem goes deeper than you want to aknowledge. You really should think seriously about telling someone, a teacher or a councellor. You have been talking to me for a while about these problems, and I am now getting worried about you. You give your heart and soul to people and you get so envolved that you end up getting hurt more than anyone else. So, promise me this, that you will back off a bit, leave things to settle, and look at it from an outsiders point of view. Then, maybe you will see that the problem is to big for you to handle and that it is for the best that you tell someone.

    I hope that helps you, talk to ya soon, byeeee -x-
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    backing off is going to be easier than i thought <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> .

    I need your advice on how to tell lucy something. Despite my school having a 6th form, ive been offered a place in another part of the country, which means im going to be leaving.

    How do i tell Lucy that im leaving school in abut 3 weeks (study leave for my GCSEs start in 3 weeks so i effectively leave then)????

    I havnt told lucy yet, i havnt told any of my m8s. Can you please help me everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You simply say to her "Hey, listen, I've been offered a place in this college out of town, you reckon I should take it or...?"

    Dai, the more I read your posts the more it reminds me of situations I've been in. I've just not posted on it up till now cos, well, in all honest it was too close to home for me, and I hadn't sorted out everything in my head.

    I can safely tell you what you've found is a great girl, and you've just to stick by her through thick and thin. The nature of your relationship with Lucy, as I understand it, is primarily internet-based, therefor distance shouldn't be such a great issue. Having said that, I know full well how nice it is to get a little voice saying "hello" in the morning at school, it just brings a smile to your face and makes the rest of the day seem a little bit brighter.

    For all that, whatever happens you'll eventually be moving away from her physically, just make sure you don't do it on a mental and emotional basis. Stay close to her, talk to her. It may even make you friendship stronger, as she realises how much she needs you and misses you, but neither of you have to put up with the problems school poses.

    Hope this rambling can help in some way or another. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Not feeling overly clear and coherent tonight.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your right about the seeing her part. Every time i see her it lightens up my day.

    I've promised her i will ALWAYS be here for her, and i intend to keep that promise.

    Its just, i dont want to leave. The college i have a place at, does all the courses i want (and need) for the career i want. But my school doesnt. But then theres the lucy factor... i really want to stay, for lucy, but i no i cant.

    Thanks for your post turtle. Its a great help <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> . Your right about lucy - she is a great girl!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rite, time for my latest annoying talk.

    Things have just gotten worse between Lucy and I (again). Her parents have started to enforce the 'No talking to boys' rule on MSN. And shes run out of credit.

    I do actually believe now that everything seems to be against us. Me leaving, her parents not trusting me, neither of us having any money to txt each other, and our exams.

    sorry for pouring this lot on you again, ive just had a really sh**ty day. One of our teachers at school has been arrested and charge with the production and distribution of child pornography so our school has gone into over drive.

    There's been emergency meeting after emergency meeting - i've had two today and got another on thursday!!!!

    It never rains, it pours!
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