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My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Please read my writings as it's taken me a long time to type;) Right here's the low down:
  • Left secondary school back in 2002 with 10 GCSE's as follows:

    English Language~C
    English Literature~B
    Mathematics~B
    Science Dual Award~C - C
    Office Applications~C
    Geography~C
    German~C
    Resistant Materials~D
    Music~E

    So 8 A-C's & a D & an E. All respectable grades in my head.
  • Wrote letters out seeking a job for the summer about 12 weeks in total. Got roughly 2 offers but due to them saying call this number to enquire further in the bin the letters went due to my telephone phobia.
  • Started 6th form in Sept 2002 studying a double award AVCE(Advanced Vocational Certificate of Education) in business studies, AS communication studies & AS IT.
  • Left 6th form in Feb 2003 (after 4 months) due to it all becoming too much for me because the constant day in day out onslaught of the workload was sending me truly insane although I had the ability to do the work as my business studies graded work were A's & the other AS subject were C-B's. I don't regret for one minute in leaving 6th form as it was the right decision for myself to make & I was never truly happy from the start.
  • When I left I had the idea to do a MA(Modern Apprenticeship) in Accounting so I e-mailed the MA people I said I was interested in doing an MA. So they sent me an info pack. I read that only 2 learning providers offered the Accounting MA in my area so I e-mailed them both enquiring if they has any places. They both replied & said that they've got no places.

    Also at this time I sent lots of letter to business's seeing if they supported MA schemes. All of the business's that replied said that they didn't offer anything & some said they hadn't a clue what an MA was. So my only idea for further education alternative to 6th form didn't work out:(
  • Jumping forward to Oct 2003 my sis's bf suggested about me doing an AAT(Association of Accounting Technicians) NVQ2 course at collage. As he knew about me wanting to do accounting & he himself was doing the higher chartered accountant version of the AAT.

    So I e-mailed the student services at my local collage & they sent me a course guide & the name & e-mail address of the course tutor.

    As it was Oct I knew that the normal start date had already passed for the course(Sept). Bugger but, luckily for me there was also another identical course to the Sept one which started in Feb 2004.

    So I e-mailed the course tutor about the the course & he gave me a call for a little chat about it.
  • Feb 2004, I arrived bright eyed & bushy tailed to the collage as I new this could be the beginning of the next stage of my life. I felt all excited & extremely motivated which I hadn't felt in a long while due to everything I tried to do had gone tits up.

    But this was to follow suit unfortunately because there were only 4 people including myself that turned up to do the course. So the course tutor told us that 4 wasn't enough people for it to be worthwhile to run the course.
  • Start of March 2004 I contacted the course tutor about doing the Open Learning version of the course which he had told us all about. He said it was cool & we arranged to meet up to enrol.
  • End of March I went to the collage again & met the tutor & filled out all the enrolment paper work.

    So that was all wicked but the course tutor who I knew only did the normal AAT course & that another tutor did the Open Learning version. So the tutor sent an e-mail to the OL tutor informing her about me with my contact details.
  • 3 months have now passed & i've heard nothing from the tutor lady. I've got her name & telephone number but it's back to the old telephone phobia again. Hence why I haven't contacted her myself in the 3 months since I enrolled. If only I had her e-mail address then I would contact her no problems as i'm not terrified of e-mailing her.
  • Now that all my 6th form friends have finished their A-levels & are then going to uni the effects of me being an even worse failure than I already am is hitting home again.
  • I've recently passed my driving test(18th June) & i've got no money for a car, insurance etc. So I need a job to pay for it all.

    But, being true to myself & knowing my own potential to achieve higher levels than GCSE's. I don't want to get a job until i've officially started the AAT course because i'll know that if I get a job then i'll just forget all about the collage course & i'll be selling my self short of the ability that I know i'm capable of achieving.

I'm really grateful if you've read all the above:D

Now can you please supply honest opinions on what i've written above to help me make the most of my ability & potential to be successful in life (which is totally rubbish at the moment & not really worth living for:no)

Please don't reply saying things like 'Sort your life out you lazy git' as I don't need any of this as i'm already frightfully low on the old worthiness scale.

Thanks

Chris

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its not good for me to say that i didnt read all that because im sure it'll upset you even more, but i dont mean it to! basically it was too long and i got the jist by scanning it :yes:

    id suggest that you go to somewhere like connexions, or to student advice at your old college or something like that, and have a chat with them. they'll be able to help you get ideas for things and they can also put you in direct contact with the organisations that you need/want to talk to right now.

    dont forget that if there are limited options where you live now, there is nothing from stopping you going to a college/uni outside of your town. you can get a student loan or whatever so you dont need to worry about money, and look for something part time whilst you do your studies.

    my brother has no gcse's or anything, he worked for the council whilst doing some training thing (gnvq advanced or something) and now he starts uni in september to do a HND in business, after that he can do another year if he wants to in order to turn it into a degree. and he has less qualifications than you!

    if its the case that you dont have what you need right now (qualification wise) to get into your chosen career - do something like my brother and get a qualification that you are able to study for, and then you can use that to get you onto a course that will lead you to the career path that you want.

    but if your town is really that limited in opportunities, i would strongly suggest moving to somewhere else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**
    Originally posted by Crispy

    [*]3 months have now passed & i've heard nothing from the tutor lady. I've got her name & telephone number but it's back to the old telephone phobia again. Hence why I haven't contacted her myself in the 3 months since I enrolled. If only I had her e-mail address then I would contact her no problems as i'm not terrified of e-mailing her.

    Phone her, what can she say to you over the phone ? its either a yes im sorry we have been that busy or she lost your contact details etc...............or NO sorry you are not suitable. End off, she aint gonna start shouting, she wont hang up on you. YOU have to push yourself in there because people wont come running to you. (dont wanna sound harsh).

    Why cant you get a job ? apply for suitable jobs and then if something else comes along then go for it, but at the meantime whilst your waiting for everything else to take off your not gonna have the money to do what you want to do.

    Get yourself a job, get motivated because whilst you feel like nothings happening then you will start feeling shitty.

    You probs didnt want to hear that but im telling you the truth, how I see it anyhow :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Phone her, what can she say to you over the phone ? its either a yes im sorry we have been that busy or she lost your contact details etc...............or NO sorry you are not suitable. End off, she aint gonna start shouting, she wont hang up on you. YOU have to push yourself in there because people wont come running to you. (dont wanna sound harsh).

    I don't really think you're getting the idea of what a phobia is. Even daily things that you see as being perfectly normal can be terrifying to other people. And if he's not phoned someone for 3 months when he's desperate to know what's going on then I think it's a bit more complicated than simply being scared of being shouted at or hung up on.

    I think for one thing you need to see someone about your phobia, if it is in fact that serious, because something like using the phone can often be a daily task in the workplace.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    I don't really think you're getting the idea of what a phobia is. Even daily things that you see as being perfectly normal can be terrifying to other people. And if he's not phoned someone for 3 months when he's desperate to know what's going on then I think it's a bit more complicated than simply being scared of being shouted at or hung up on.

    I think for one thing you need to see someone about your phobia, if it is in fact that serious, because something like using the phone can often be a daily task in the workplace.

    Phobia wasnt mentioned as though it was a 'major' problem. I know many people who hate using the phone but with a gentle push they will do it, my hubby being a prime candidate.
    If Crispy had said i have a Real Phobia about using the phone then I would not have replied like that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**

    I kinda think that disregarding possible jobs simply because they request telephone contact and not calling a company for three months when you're desperate to be on the course qualifies as being a real phobia.

    :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    I kinda think that disregarding possible jobs simply because they request telephone contact and not calling a company for three months when you're desperate to be on the course qualifies as being a real phobia.

    :p

    NO, because they just push it to the back of their mind, or like my hubby he got me to phone places recently to see if they had any vacancies and to send applications out.

    Its not because he has a phobia its because he just does not like talking on the phone, there are a lot of people who are like this.

    anyhow this aint helping Crispy, I gave my advice ok.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm? How is he pushing it to the back of his mind when he's using all other methods of communication to get somewhere? I wasn't having a go. I just thought that if he actually had a proper phobia you saying 'Phone them' isn't really going to help, especially since he was saying he has a phobia.

    Just in the way there are a lot of people who simply need to be pushed to use the phone, there are lots of people with actual phobias.

    Getting a job can be difficult but with your qualifications I don't think it should be. I've had no problems getting all sorts of jobs, part time, full time, all sorts. Just because you may get yourself a job doesn't mean you'll have to give up on going to college. I've started part-time bar work recently and still plan to go to college, or go into work based training depending on whether my mind changes. Luckily I have an unconditional offer already so I've got a lot of freedom to think about what I want.

    What kind of jobs are you aiming to get? I think the success of your applications is kinda dependent on where you're applying to. Like I said, I've been through lots of different jobs, even something as stupid as working in a shoe shop, and in the end it's all beneficial because you pick up different things. I'm not saying to aim lower or anything, but with a lot of jobs you need experience in different areas, which is something you get even in the most basic job.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think firstly you need to sort out your phone phobia. Youre not going to get anywhere without sorting that out, its such a basic thing, theres not many jobs that wont require you to use the phone at some point. I would see your doctor about it, and see if they could maybe refer you to a hypnotherapist.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With regard to your fear of phoning people, I understand entirely.

    I have always been scared of phones - even phoning my friends in case it's not them who answers and I think it is them and I start asking how they're doing and making a fool of myself etc etc (this has happened on numerous occasions!)

    BUT - even though I still hate using the phone, I have forced myself to do it, and especially for important things like jobs.

    It takes a lot of courage to pick up the phone the first time you have to speak to someone important, but if you can pluck up the courage to do it just once, you'll be so amazed at your own confidence you'll do it again no problem! Honestly!

    Just choose one person to phone - the lady in charge of this course you want to do for example - and start with that. Write down the telephone number, her name and why you are phoning on a bit of paper, and keep that bit of paper and a pen next to the phone while you are talking. If needs be, write down what you are going to say when she answers the phone (some people might think that sounds ridiculous, but I had to do that!)

    Good luck anyway :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate talking on the phone too. I go red and mess up my words and forget things when I'm talking to people. I usually get my mum to do the important stuff but I don't think you could Crispy :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    I just thought that if he actually had a proper phobia you saying 'Phone them' isn't really going to help,

    I agree with that, but we still dont know wether this is a real fear of phoning people or someone who like my hubby hates using the phone.

    If it is a major factor using the phone then obviously top of the list must be to get help with that , then go onto tackle the latter things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by KoolCat
    BUT - even though I still hate using the phone, I have forced myself to do it, and especially for important things like jobs.

    i used to be the same. but you really have to get over it, cause you will lose out, in the end.

    what i used to do was write out what i wanted to say and have it in front of me when i rang, so i didn't panic and talk shite. that might help.
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    ClaireBearClaireBear Deactivated Posts: 467 Listening Ear
    Hiya Crispy,
    I know you're having a really rough time at the moment, so *hugs* and lots of them.

    I've looked about and there's lots of help at hand, especially if you want help with your phone phobia. It may help to contact the National Phobics Society, they offer informal, accessible support to anyone living with, or affected by an anxiety disorder via email, you can find out about it here. You may also find this article from TheSite.org helpful and there's a Mind factsheet about phobias that includes info about ways you can help yourself deal with your phobia.

    badabing also mentioned going to see Connexions about your career/education worries, they also offer email and online information and advice, you can access it here.

    Hope this helps some,
    CB
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Theres some good advice here. Firstly its a good idea to get this problem with the phone sorted. Part time work can provide you with some money which will help you along with your education. It seems you've had alot of bad luck, but if you keep at it, it will get easier. There are many courses whatever you want to do.

    If you are interested in accounting, my friend is doing accounting as part of his job. He goes to work to gain experience and then during weekends he studies for exams and does them in his free time. All from his home. Help from teachers is via email.

    But whatever you do good luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    email

    Hi
    I don't know if you have already tried this but I know often if you go to the college website there will be either a department website or admissions website address. Failing that, write to whatever email they give you and explain your situation. That would mean you could get confirmation of your place or discuss the lack of information sent to you with them via email (no phones!). This is vital to do asap as over summer there will be fewer people around.

    good luck
    Luci
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how about going to the college to see the tutor (or someone who might know) in person?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    I don't really think you're getting the idea of what a phobia is. Even daily things that you see as being perfectly normal can be terrifying to other people. And if he's not phoned someone for 3 months when he's desperate to know what's going on then I think it's a bit more complicated than simply being scared of being shouted at or hung up on.

    Try 3 years instead cause that's how long since I've phoned using a landline or received a call:(

    Check this thread I did:

    http://vbulletin.thesite.org.uk/showthread.php?s=&postid=1007185

    A quote of mine from another thread:
    I've a few extreme fears which are on similar lines & i'm sure they have special technical names as well that I don't know them

    I can't stand walking down the street on my own as I think that everybody is looking at me & I feel very vulnerable.

    Also, when there is somebody coming the opposite way to me on the same side of the pavement I totally go into worry mode because I think that they are going to beat me up or even talk to me

    I can't stand waiting when there is lots of people around me like in queues or even waiting for the green man at a crossing. In these situations my heart races & I sweat & I just want to get the hell away from the queue or crossing as quick as possible.

    Going to somewhere like a shop to get a can of coke on my own is an impossible feat & in my whole 18 years of life i've never done this as it appears far too daunting a task to do.
    Originally posted by Jazza Bing
    I usually get my mum to do the important stuff but I don't think you could Crispy :p

    My mum's not much better than myself & I know that even if she does it then that won't help me in anyway to combat my problem.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Re: Re: My Life ~ **Please read & see if you can help**
    Originally posted by Crispy
    Try 3 years instead cause that's how long since I've phoned using a landline or received a call:(

    so ignore what I said because obviously you wouldnt be able to do that. You didnt make it clear that you had an actual real phobia of phoning.

    So I 'think' you need to get help in this department.

    Good luck.
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