Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

*kicks men*

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
what's up with this?

On Monday everything seemed to be going fine with my boyfriend. We've been together just over a month, and seen each other practically every day since.

Tuesday we go to this meeting for work, I got in really late and found a seat in the back. We got split up into groups for a teamwork project thingy, and he and I are put in the same group. Does he say hi to me? No. Does he do anything whatsoever to acknowledge my existence? No.

The meeting finished and he ran off and got a lift to a party and everyone turned to me. "Umm... why aren't you going?" and I had to tell them that I hadn't been invited.

I went home and was really really depressed about that and other things, so I got extremely drunk and called him at 1:30am while he was still at the party. One of his friends answered his phone and asked me why I hadn't come, as everyone wants to meet me. Another bloke that we work with asked to speak to me, and my boyfried denied that it was me on the phone.

Then he ignored me. I phoned him Wednesday (his day off) and he was all moody with me, then decided to leave it and wait for him to call. He called me this afternoon and said he wanted to do something tonight. I told him that I'm working, so he's like, "well, I'm going up to my parent's cabin tomorrow, so you can come with me there". I told him that I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow and not coming back until right before work on Sunday (and I finish at the same time as he starts).

So now he's complaining that we haven't seen each other properly since Monday and apparently I'm just being nasty by refusing to give up my plans to go off with him on Saturday.

c'mon... are all blokes this self centred or do I just have a way of picking 'em?

I can understand that he doesn't want too many people at work to know about us, as he's my manager and this could lose us our jobs, but nearly everyone knows already and the bloke at the party who asked to speak to me knows *everything*, being my boyfriend's best friend and everything.

*throws up hands in frustration*

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Definately sounds as tho hes a bit of a cock....

    As you said, its understandable that hed want to keep it quiet at work but if everyone at the party already knew then theres no reason not to invite you.

    Definately sounds like he wants to keep you a secret if hes asking you to go away to a cabin and see him rather than seeing him locally.

    Relationships at work always screw up in the end. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let me tell you what I think, as a guy.

    First, the party.
    If it was me, and I acted that way, there would only be a few reasons why I wouldn't bring you along. Remember this is me, so he might not think this way.

    1. There was someone there that I was interested in.
    2. I wanted to get shitfaced with my friends without you seeing.
    (Actually, a question: Do any more of the people that you guys work with know you're together, other than his friend?)
    Cause if not:
    3. I don't want to have work gossip about us. ( Would also explain not saying hi, and the quick departure.)
    4. *reluctant to say this* I'm trying to figure out a way to break up with you. (Sorry, I don't mean to freak you out)
    5. Have been teased by friends about being "whipped" and want to show the guys "I don't give a fuck"
    6. I may have suddenly realizedhow precarious the work-dating situation is and want to be careful.

    As for getting pissed about you not being around for the weekend, if he didn't invite you to the party for no good reason, then he doesn't have any grounds to complain.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Definately sounds like he wants to keep you a secret if hes asking you to go away to a cabin and see him rather than seeing him locally

    I dunno... for this past month we've been seeing each other locally, even to the point of venturing out to the mall during the day (which I *so* didn't want to do because sure enough, loads of people saw us) I can understand him not being overly friendly at the meeting, but I was the only person in our group that he didn't talk to. <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    As for USC Alex/Lexicon/Alessandro's comments about work relationships, there are LOADS of people at work who know, and a whole whack more who suspect. All the ones at the party were people who know, so I'm still confused about that one.

    And as for him possibly wanting to break up with me, that's what I thought it might be too, so that's why I didn't bother calling him or making an effort to see him - to give him an out if he does want to break up with me. And surely if that was the case then he wouldn't care that I'm going off with my friends tomorrow?

    *head explodes trying to work it out*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, your head may well explode trying to figure it out. Even if you do come to some kind of conclusion, who's to say it's the right one? I hate to give the cookie-cutter response but there really is one way to find out. Ask him. It's a lot quicker and less messier than countless calculated guesses as to the reasons.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why dont u just ask him why he didnt invite u to the party
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All men are like that... my x used to ignore me in skool but on the fone or in other places he wud b all nice and wana go out... but he doesnt wana tell his family and i like go his house everyday... He never opens his feelins to me and its hard for me to understand him. But i asked another guy wud u tell ur gf ur feelings if u were feelin down and he said no as well... i dont understand y men are like this but if u really wana sort things out u shud speak to him one on one and get him to tell u and sort everything out ok

    best wishes ~Dakrness~ xXx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Dark Pheonix:
    <STRONG>All men are like that...</STRONG>

    They are..?
    Have you told them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by MattBomb:
    <STRONG>Why dont u just ask him why he didnt invite u to the party</STRONG>

    I tried asking him why I'm never allowed around him when he's with his friends, and asked if he's ashamed of me, and he was like, "do you honestly think that's why we never go out with them?" and I was like, "well, I do wonder sometimes..." and he said, "oh, don't be so silly" and hugged me, but wouldn't explain why it is.

    To be perfectly honest, I'm scared to death to ask him. He's super duper nice 99% of the time, but whenever I ask anything that could potentially hit a raw nerve he goes uber moody on me and starts treating me like I'm really stupid and naive, which I hate hate *hate*.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Men, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

    Sorry but I don't really have anything constructive to say. Sounds like he's a bit of a knob to me though (technical term).

    *thinks should possibly make a suggestion or something*

    The only way that you'll ever know what's going on in a blokes head is to ask.

    Edited to say, I know that you've already asked him but he avoided the issue. He needs to know how you feel and you shouldn't have to pussy foot around him to avoid his moods!!

    [ 26-04-2002: Message edited by: Loopi Hoopi ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    grrrr *beats evil dude with a stick for Snow White* <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well not all men.. but most guys keep thier feelins to themselves u must admit they dont go round sayin thier feelins like women.. i have told him..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It seems to have sorted itself out. He met me from work on Friday and we were out and stuff until 6am, then he still got up in the morning (albeit late, but that's forgivable) to drive me to the ferry.

    We were with his friends for a bit on Friday night, and I can see another very possible reason why he didn't want me to come out - one of his friends was the most sexist, racist, politically incorrect person I've met in my life, and he was panicking the whole way home about me being offended by him.

    So it seems that it was just his friends weirdness rather than anything to do with me. Thanks a lot for the help everyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    Well done sorting things out..

    If I could offer just one piece of advice, next time (if there is one), instead of all this hassle, why not just be straight with him, and ask him why he didn't invite you?

    Talking things through is the best way to getting the facts, then you make logical decisions with them..

    Just an idea..

    Phil.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Owww
Sign In or Register to comment.