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Where did ya find them?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have read many posts relating to people having problems with relationships. Alot of the time, they appear to be having the same problem with many partners. (cheating for example.)

When someone says, you need to look in the right places to find the right person, you have no idea how true that is. All to often, i see friends getting hurt cause that drunk they have been dating for a few months now is spending too much money on beer, or being a real A$$hole. So in defense, they go to the bar to let off some steam, drink a few, and hope to meet someone new. Come on, you are looking for a new partner at a BAR because your last one was a drunk?!?

Another case, Cheating. Many people i know go out with people because they expect to get laid, and sometimes just so they can get laid. Well, what kind of people do you think they look for. They go to the dance clubs, look for someone that appears a little sleazy, and try to hook up. In doing this, they subconciously develop more of an attraction to the people that dress sexy, and flirt around alot. After all, the flirts are easier to get acquainted with right? Then i see them get upset when they become attached to the person, and they are flirting, or dressing too sexy. They think they are having a bad run of luck, and go back to the same club, find the next good looking flirt, and become acquainted. SUPRISE, same problem. Try looking elsewhere.

What i am trying to say is, what attracts you at first to a person in a lot of cases, is the cause of failure in the relationship. Yea, someone that puts out a lot is great when you are getting to know them, but later, you may not totally fulfill there demands. They will look for someone who can, then they cheat. Try a library, or try to talk to the person that no one would expect to put out. If nobody expects it from them, you probably won't have to worry about it being a problem in the long run.

This message is in response to multiple posts, so I just made it a new topic. I would like to hear some of your opinions on this.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I totally understand what your saying as that is the way that I feeL. When I go out to a nightclub and would like to meet a lady I dont expect anything other than sex because u r purely going on looks than personality so any relationship so going to fail. But there are the few cases when relationships do work!!

    Thats why the ones were I have tried have usually been from either close friends that the relaitonship has built on over the time I have known them or ladies were I work at.

    But the point being is that I have still been cheated on them this is the killer thing!!!

    Change the F with the w and you have got me in one :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, that is another story. In your situation, i would have to question weather your partner(s) was truely looking for a longterm relationship or not. Another thing that comes to mind would be weather they THINK that's what they want. Many young people think they are ready for such relationships, but in reality are not. Sometimes the person may want it as a symbol of responsability. Many feel that in showing this, they may have more freedom to make there own choices. Other times, true love may be the cause of a long term relationship. I don't think that was the case if she cheated on you.

    But, where shoud you go from here? I think you are looking in the right places, through friends and work. If I were you, I would keep looking in these places. The terms on which you meet are much more civilized, and indicate a sence of responsability.(co-workers) Make absolutely SURE that you are looking for a long term relationship, as the results of changing your mind later, may be quite unpleasent. One good thing to do when selecting a partner, would be to check out there history. Is the person known for cheating, or have they always been loyal. Are they honest? Do the morals of that person match yours? These are just a few things i would recommend looking for in your next attempt. Just don't give up. You may find a lot of bad ones by not being too pickey, but having tried in itself is better then never trying.

    I guess what i am trying to say is, as long as you keep looking, and trying to find someone, it will eventually happen. Don't think of all of your past relationships as being failures, but rather as experience on how to make the next one better. Atleast you arent being too pickey until you do find that perfect someone, and screwing things up because you have never been in a relationship before.

    [This message has been edited by GTZpower (edited 03-10-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    little 'Bee flin' cross da screen...

    how can you tell what they are thinking? whether they think 'I wanna shag and leave.' and your thinking 'you're the one.' it gets sticky and messy.

    Why is it 'sooo great' when a girl puts out asap, why cant you wait a few months to know whether you're wasting your time or not? I dont get that with men, it feels like their main aim is to get the person into bed rather than knowing about their mind etc before...
    ***CONFUSED*** i like being with the guy and knowing he is prepared to wait a bit (if he isnt, he'll do a runner by that time)and that he wants me for me and not what i can do for him. Does that make any sense!!!!? I dunno, not diggin' at anyone, just how i see things...
    i never treated no one bad, or cheated on anyone PLUS i was 'FOUND'(!!!!!??!??!?!??!) at 6th form! just a little buzz coz its late and i'm bored and i'll piss off and leave you alone now......
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How can you tell what they are thinking?? You cant. Why is it soooo great for the chick to put out ASAP?? Well, if someone just wants a quickie, then they get what they want. I am not saying that everyone thinks this way. Many people could careless about the sex, and if your partner is cheating, then you may wanna look for someone that does careless about sex.

    Another thing, This topic is dircted towards men and women. Yes, i have seen women out to get a quicky. I actually dated one rather seriously. But i didn't know that she was skipping school the entire year we were together, just to go and get a quickie. How did i meet her? At a party...

    Another thing, just cause someone is willing to wait a bit, does not mean they arent shaggin your sibling in the mean time. People can really suck sometimes.

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