Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Old friend problems

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, i have a problem.. a while ago, i broke up with my long term boyfriend and my best friend came on to him, an hour later pulled him, and ended up going out with him.
Now, 9 months on, loads of stuff she said to my ex about me is coming out, cos he's telling me (he and i stayed friends after we broke up, she and he didn't - heheheh!) The thing is, i spent a lot of time and effort (and mental anguish, and emotional pain) trying to stay friends with her, and now it's all over and done with, i don't really want to confront her about it, cos we've patched up our friendship but i'm still really hurt by the things that she said.
We've both moved on, with new (different!) boyfriends, and have got to the point where we can joke about it - is it worth bringing up the past again?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by punkinlondon:
    <STRONG>We've both moved on, with new (different!) boyfriends, and have got to the point where we can joke about it - is it worth bringing up the past again?</STRONG>

    Hiya,

    This is one of those situations where what you want determines what you should do.

    You (rightly) feel rather betrayed by this friend. Now if you want that friendship to be a really deep, trusting one, then yes, I think you'd need to discuss this, get it out in the open, and work on it.

    A friendship is a relationship. No less so than romantic relationships, it depends on honesty, trust and respect. Just like with other relationships, you should be able and willing to talk about problems with whoever you share a relationship with. This is no different.

    But...

    Maybe you are more 'mates' than true friends and trust and respect are not as big a deal. If so then in that case it may be better to forgive and move on, rather than put too much pressure on a friendship that isn't that serious and commited.

    I hope you know what I mean about the differences between the types of friendships.

    If you go for the former, the deep trusting friendship, then there is a chance that that is more commitment than your friend is willing to give. That can be a hard thing to take, just like any other rejection. Be sure you're prepared for that risk before deciding to go that way.

    If you go for the lighter, easier 'mates' type of friendship then there's still a chance that it may deepen and become more commited with the passing of years.

    Whatever you decide, the first thing I think you should do is decide whether she's likely to betray you again in the face of temptation.

    Hope that helps you to make your choices.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the thing is, we WERE close, like, in a deep trusting friendship, and now we're getting back there, and i just don't want to jepoardize(sp?) our friendship in the future... we're going on holiday together and things like that, i just don't really want to muck everything that we've got back up. I don't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by punkinlondon:
    .
    Now, 9 months on, loads of stuff she said to my ex about me is coming out, cos he's telling me

    how much can you trust the information that your ex is giving you? if it's taken him 9 months to tell you, could there be a reason behind this. Perhaps he's jealous that you are still friends with this girl, and for some selfish reason wants to split you two up just as you are getting your friendship back again? Just a thought.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, i had thought of that, as he does seem to have proven that he's untrustworthy in the past. Also, he's trying to say that she was a bitch and can't come up with anything to back it up - he's been reading me texts that she sent him and stuff, and all i'm really getting is that she felt guilty - it was mainly about feelings and stuff, but he swears BLIND that there's stuff about her being a bitch. Think i'm going to ignore it now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds to me like ur new mans a bit of a jerk off if he cant help u out in this problematic situation. Why dont you get hold of a real man?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Babe, sod off! You're lovely. You done reading my things? I did get your opinion first, but we didn't really come to a conclusion, so i decided to ask for other people's advice (thanks by the way, everyone, really helpful - i think i'm going to leave it. Not worth creating waves over). See you tomorrow, ok beej?
Sign In or Register to comment.