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Seriously depressed!!!!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey everyone, hope your all okay.

My weekend was really good as I had a night out with my mates and my big brother came up from reading with his new boy friend(hes really nice) and he went back down today. But I have also had an arguement with my mum as my big bro dose not want me to tell anyone about him being gay but I told my current girlfriend(didnt want to but its a long story)and she wanted me to tell my mum and bro as she felt that she wasnt becoming part of the family and I really want her to feel like she can be.

So I told my mum tonight and she went mental and then my girlfriend phoned me and I told her that I told my mum and then she fell out with me as she said she didnt want me to really tell my mum as she said she now thinks that my mu will not like her now. I know when I tell my big brother he will hate me as well!!!

I feel so alone now and I am finding it hard to hold back the tears, I try to do things right but I seem to mess things up and anytime I try to do things right I always seem to make someone close to me unhappy!!!

I about to give up on myself and suicide is seeming to be an appealing option(like many times before) as if I did it then I wouldnt make anyone else unhappy anymore with my actions. I know none of my friends would care as well, they have there own problems.

With the stress of the new load of major uni work as well am at the point of breaking down, I want to make everyone happy so I can be happy knowing that I am making other people happy and that I am doing something right in my life but everytime I try to do things right I seem to fail or mess up and I now feel that I will always be like this and I dont know if I could continue on with my life if its going to be like this.

I guess I am wanting to tell someone or infact anyone how I am really feeling, am sorry for this post as I know its the last thing yous want to read, sorry for being a burden.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hun, first of all, you have to realise you aren't a burden. We're here to listen, and we've all felt down before. Life isn't always easy.

    It's going to be rough for a few days, but things will calm down, tempers will cool, and you will hopefully be able to talk about things rationally.

    Your friends really do care about you--I spent all of last term not calling people and not wanting to be a burden, but the truth was that people don't know how to approach you when you're upset or depressed, and they don't want to bring things up that may be hurtful. I'm sure if you initiated a conversation with your friends about your depression they would be willing to talk to you--everybody has problems, but friends are there for each other.

    If you feel that you can't talk to them, it may be worth seeing someone impartial--a counsellor who is paid to "be burdened". I've been seeing a counsellor since last term, and it has helped me a lot. It's a space to express how you feel without fear of judgment, and to realize that it's not your job to make everyone around you happy. Everybody makes mistakes, and we all have to deal with our own--we cannot take responsibility for other people's choices and happiness as well.

    And remember, we're always here to listen, and to give you moral support.

    Hope I've helped a bit.

    xx
    Nikki
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, you did fuck up in telling your mum, because you knew you shouldn't but did it anyway, not for your brother, nor for your mother, but to please your girlfriend.

    Well, okay. Put it behind you, learn from it, and instead of feeling bad for yourself see if you can instead think of something positive to do for your brother or mother instead. Don';t spend that time beating yourself up, spend it in minimising or repairing the damage.

    For starters, you'd better warn your brother that you've told her. Yes, he'll be mad at you, but that is going to happen anyway. You told on him and betrayed his trust. Tell him upfront and at least he has time to prepare himself (if your mum hasn't called him already).

    Your suicidal feelings are just a desire to run away from the troubles of life, but you are getting older and from now on you have to take responsibility for yourself. That transition is what makes teenage so hard.

    You said: "I try to do things right but I seem to mess things up and anytime I try to do things right I always seem to make someone close to me unhappy!!!"

    Well suicide would certainly make everyone close to you unhappy. You'd scar their lives forevermore. How do you think any parent would cope with that? That would be a hurt they would never, ever recover from.

    If you want to do the right thing then you have to bite the bullet. Start by talking to your mum again. Tell her how you feel and why you did what you did. Explain all your concerns to her. She's your mother, so even while she may get mad, but she will understand and do everything she can to help you if you give her the chance.

    Your life will be anything you decide you want it to be. I really mean that. There are plenty of people who acheive incredible things even from the worst of circumstances simply because they had the conviction and the will to stick at it. Conversely, there are people who've had great starts in life and acheived nothing. Life is whatever you make it.

    Everyone has failures and bad times in life. The ones who acheive things are simply those who never give up. Henry Ford went bankrupt several times when he first opened the Ford Motor Company, but look where perseverance and determination got him.

    There are only two ways to fail in anything, one is to give up in the face of challenge, and the other is to die before you succeed.

    You are young, so the only one of those you need to worry about is whether you have the mettle to keep getting up, dusting yourself off, and heading where you want to be.

    We all hurt people accidentally sometimes. The difference is that some people make up for it, and others run off in self pity without ever picking up the people they knocked down.

    Go and pick up the people, friend, and you'll be a good person all your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I would like to thank you both for listening and giving me some really sound advice in making me wake up and getting things sorted out, I will always be grateful for that <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="smile">

    The suicide was an idiotic thing to think and it was a thought going through my head, which I am dissapointed at myself for even thinking it as, as you said black knight it is even more of a selfish thing to do which I knew and thats why I am dissapointed in thinking that as I should have known better.

    I have told my big bro and he was perfectly fine with it when I explained to him why I ended up telling my girlfriend.

    Black Knight I never wanted to tell my girlfriend about my brother, we had an arguement as I was out with my big brother and I had to cancel on her so she phoned me and we had an arguement and I tried to lie to her about why I was cancelling on her as I still didnt want to tell her about my big bro cos of his wishes but my lieing ability is rather pathetic as I dont tell lies that often and she could tell I was lying and then I had to tell her!!!! Thats why I told her not that I wanted to but because I fucked up thats all.

    I have learned from the mistake and picked myself up and moved on.

    Again thank you for listening it was well appreciated, I owe you both one <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No thanks needed, mate, I'm just glad you have got it all sorted.

    We all make fuck-ups (God knows I've made some beauties in my time). Making them doesn't say anything about us. How we deal with the situations that they cause is what counts.

    Just keep on keeping on. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Glad you're feeling better dear. It always helps to take positive action--you don't feel so helpless and things don't spin out of control anymore.

    Like Black Knight said, no thanks needed. Glad we could help.

    xx
    Nikki <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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