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Non-date

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm usually a lurker/replier but just for a change I'm going to be an asker...

Split up with my gf of 6 months in October.
She's now moved away but is still occasionally in touch with people here.
The girl who was her best mate here mentioned that she would probably at home alone being sad on valentines night. So I suggested that we go to the cinema to save both our hearts, nothing more - and she accepted.
Now as my heart does, it got a bit carried away. So I made a bit of an effort to look smart and adopted a "well maybe if she's intereested" attitude. I think she maybe had done likewise
We had a good night and my interest has been piqued a bit. She's saying that she enjoyed it too and would like to go out again one day.

The question is, given that it was kind of offically not a date where do I/she/we go from here? Who has the ball (is there a ball at all??!) and what should they do with it? Also what about the link to my ex?

[ 18-02-2002: Message edited by: acer ]

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It has been some time, since you split with your ex, so I can't see that being too much of a problem.

    Seems to me this girl likes you, so why not just be open with her, tell her you like her and see what happens. Most people react well to being told someone likes them, unless you're a stalker, in which case it just freaks them out <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    [ 21-02-2002: Message edited by: smoif ]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if you like this girl GO FOR IT !!! its better to regret stuff you have done than stuff you havent done <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm pleased to say that I picked up the ball, threw it back with interest - and its been deftly caught. Next week fingers crossed <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's great news Acer.

    Hope you both have a great time, and that its the start of something good for you both.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww CRACERLTTOI crackle crackle crackle

    I don't undertand. Some encouaging emails, and mildly flirty txts and what do I get?

    She made no effort to dress up, body language was all wrong, and didn't ask a single question about me all night.

    I am truely baffled.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Error: Insufficient Data Parameters.

    <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Hey Acer, there's not enough info one way or the other yet to be sure. It doesn't sound too encouraging I agree, but then, its possible she just had a lot on her mind or even was in the midst of bad period cramps. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    In for a penny, in for a pound.

    If you still like her, make one more try. See what showing the extra little effort manages. It could be that she's feeling just as insecure and worried about perceived signs as you are.

    Throw her the ball one more time. There's nothing to lose is there?

    All the best.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by acer:
    <STRONG>
    She made no effort to dress up, body language was all wrong, and didn't ask a single question about me all night.

    I am truely baffled.</STRONG>

    Hmmm, don't give up hope just yet, Acer. Was it a 'proper' date or did you just agree to meet up again, pretty casual-like? Where did you go out? What did she wear? Not dressing up isn't necessarily a bad sign - maybe she's not a very dress uppy person, especially if you went to a pub or somewhere. I was looking crap in tired old jeans and t-shirt when I met my boyfriend as far as I remember.

    No questions about you? Well, I s'pose if she knows you well already, perhaps she doesn't feel the need, but I agree that a "how has your day been?" would have been polite.

    Just keep your fingers crossed and see how it goes....good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why don't you ask her straight out if she's interested? I don't mean give her some sort of ultimatum, just casually mention that you really enjoyed yourself, and you'd like to do something similar again. There's nowt wrong with saying "I like you". You're not committing yourself to marriage, just saying you'd like to spend more time with her.

    As a wumman myself, I know that I'd appreciate such honesty on a simple scale. It saves all that girly talk behind your back, which is best avoided <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> .

    Maybe it's even a good idea to broach the subject with your ex, if her reaction's somthing you're worried about.... <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    You sound like a nice guy - so do the nice guy thing!

    **secretly hopes she's saving the female race**
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We went to the Union quiz night.
    The idea being that when I asked it was me asking her out again, but not too obviously so she was able to say no if I had misread the initial signs. Also we'd have a chance to talk and take things from there.

    She had made an effort on valentines night, and has been flirty by txt and msn. Then nothing!

    No, she didn't even ask what I been up do that day. She doesn't know me well, only through my ex and I never spent that much with my ex's mates socially <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    I'm not sticking my neck out anymore, then I'll beome the stalker smoif mentioned
    <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you like her, then stick with it! It's her problem that she's being incommunicative, and if she doesn't want to take things any further she should say so.

    Women can be really crap sometimes (I should know - I am one! <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> ) and often want men to do all the chasing before they commit themselves.

    Ladies: I'm not condemning us totally, but you have to admit we're not very consistent......

    Ask her out again, but not to something as communal as a Quiz Night - you actually expected to be able to talk there??? If it's a one-on-one it's more likely to be conceived as a 'date' situation which'll let you know one way or another if she's interested. Don't be scared - she's only a woman....! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by SconeBeast:
    <STRONG>Why don't you ask her straight out if she's interested? I don't mean give her some sort of ultimatum, just casually mention that you really enjoyed yourself, and you'd like to do something similar again.
    </STRONG>

    Yeah I see what you mean but, she did that last time, I said that I agreed, and this was the result.
    Originally posted by SconeBeast:
    <STRONG>Maybe it's even a good idea to broach the subject with your ex, if her reaction's somthing you're worried about.... <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
    </STRONG>

    No I'm not worried about her reaction at all. Rather I feel uncomfortable about talking to her about it, and as I've said before I don't trust her in the slightest anymore.
    Originally posted by SconeBeast:
    <STRONG>
    You sound like a nice guy - so do the nice guy thing!
    </STRONG>

    Thanks but not until I get some nice girl thing back. I feel mislead at the moment.
    I'll get to see her again with some mates at the weekend btw.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, we went to a gig, The housemate of the girl I'm interested in 'B' had gotten free tickets. Basically carbon copy of last time <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> . I sat back this time too though to see what would happen/not freak her out.

    They are having house party next week. But my attitude is that is B's move - and I doubt she'll make one - but thats cool.

    The trouble is...
    B and my ex went out together on Friday. While we were at the gig, both B and I got a txt. Mine was from my ex asking if I was after anything more from B.

    I'm really tempted to say 'its none of your business'. Just wondering what her motivations are though. Trying to think of a rebuke that wouldn't sound like a 'no' when reported to B.
    Messy huh?!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about a "Why are you interested?" I wouldn't interpret that as a "no" if it were reported to me...

    Answering a question with a question is always a good avoidance tactic... hehehe...

    Best of luck!
    Nikki
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by acer:
    <STRONG>The trouble is...
    B and my ex went out together on Friday. While we were at the gig, both B and I got a txt. Mine was from my ex asking if I was after anything more from B.

    I'm really tempted to say 'its none of your business'. Just wondering what her motivations are though. Trying to think of a rebuke that wouldn't sound like a 'no' when reported to B.
    Messy huh?!</STRONG>

    ....er..how old is she? This sounds somewhat like playground behaviour the "my mate fancies you" sort of thing.

    Probably the best idea is not to get her friend/your ex off side, girls tend to listen to their mates quite a lot. What Nikki above said is a good idea if you must play these games and it does sound like some sort of silly game she's playing IMHO. I've known loads of girls that have done this. A possible reason she could be doing this is to keep you hanging around while not really wanting you for anything more than to boost her ego and another could be that she really likes you but is trying to play it cool.

    To be honest, if it bugs you that much, ask her what she wants from you. At least you'll be put out of your misery one way or the other.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex is now 21. B is probably about 19/20

    It more intrigues rather than bugs me. And you're right, I'm not going to take part in silly games. If she wants me she can come and get me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in!
    We kissed,
    Its good
    I'm happy! <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awww. Well done. I thought it looked quite promising. I wish you well! <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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