What do I do?

Former Member

Ok here's the story. About a week ago in the pub I met a girl who was a friend of a friend and we seemed to really hit it off and I really liked her (had seen her around uni beforehand). One of my mates was at the pub that night aswell and evidently quite fancied her aswell although from my recollection they never seemed to be having a conversation that night.

Anyway something really grabbed my about her and today I got her number and phoned her to say I'd really like to see her again, but I probably couldn't do anything till after my exams because I'm trying to learn first year in 3 days. Unfortunately my mate had phoned her about 2 hours previously to ask her out aswell (what are the chances?).

They went out tonight and I've no idea if anything happened. All I know is I really like her and by account of her mutual friend she would rather be out with me anyway. I'd really love to see her but I just feel like I can't because it would have taken alot of guts for my mate to phone her and I can't screw him over by doing anything.

Basically if things don't work out between those two I don't know how long I should wait before I try anything without making it look like I'm being a shit to one of my best mates?

Former Member

If she does indeed want to be with you instead of him, she should let him (your mate) know that she wants you. But who knows what even happened when they went out. They could have just hung out and talked. OR they could have done more.

If they hung out and talked- maybe she likes him, maybe she likes you. But I would definelty suggest talking to her about it. Maybe she has NO IDEA that you fancy her so much and she thinks she'll just go for your mate. you never know till you talk to her.

but if they did infact do something when they went out...well...I'm not really sure what to tell you. If you really like this girl, you might turn out to be a doormat or get sloppy seconds. im only saying if, IF her and your mate get together and that doesn't work out, I wouldn't suggest getting with her. Put yourself in your mates shoes, you wouldn't appreciate it from him if she got with the girl right after you broke it off. just something to think about.

I think it all depends if you want this girl more than the friendship with the mate... but who knows, some people have done both. But what I would do if I was in your position, would be just to sit back and see what happens. There are alot of possibilities. She could want you, she could want him, both you and your mate could lose interest. I think it is only fair that since your mate had her first, it's a really considerate thing to do and let them see if they have a connection and see what happens. You can still be friends with the girl...I've known alot of my old boyfriends were my friends for a long time and when we went out later, we were alot closer because we had a strong friendship.

Like you said, you don't have time to worry about this when you have uni to worry about. Keep thinking about what you would do if you were in your mates position.

If things don't work out between them, talk it out with your mate and whenever HE is comfortable with it, then I think that's when you could step in. It could be a couple days to as long as a couple months, depending on how much her liked her and how akward it would be for them to see eachother when you're dating her. Just see what happens and stay focused on uni.

It'll surprise you how these things have a way of working themselves out. Good Luck!!

Former Member

Nice one, thats pretty much what I was thinking. Apparently things didn't go very well at all when they went out the other night and he doesn't hold out much hope for things going any further. But like you say I'd feel like a bastard to him if I made a move any time in the near future so probably just going to sit back and wait for a few weeks.

Former Member

Tricky situation! I'd wait a few weeks also. Maybe just keep a little text contact etc? And don't subtly forget to mention to your mate your planning to take her out. I'm not saying to ask his permission but just like maybe see if he's cool with it. Good luck
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