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New Work Regulations...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
...Bosses/managers may want to consider putting up the following notice:

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that the following are new rules and regualtions implememted to raise the efficiency of our company.

Attire
It is advised that you come to wok according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between the above, you are right where you need to be and theefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for their lunch, because thats all the time they need to drink a slim fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom use
Entirely too much time gets spent in the rest room. There will now be a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, you picture will be posted on the company bulletin boad under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Surgery
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have anything removed constitutes a breach on employment.

All questions, comments, concers, complaints, frustrations iritations, agravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, constenations and inputs should be directed to the state unemployment offices.

Have a nice day.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the bathroom one made me laugh :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does actually sound like a part time job I had when doing my A Levels. I shudder at the thought.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: New Work Regulations...
    Originally posted by Young and sexy
    ...Bosses/managers may want to consider putting up the following notice:

    Dear Staff,

    Please be advised that the following are new rules and regualtions implememted to raise the efficiency of our company.

    Attire
    It is advised that you come to wok according to your salary.

    If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, and therefore you do not need a raise.

    If you dress in-between the above, you are right where you need to be and theefore you do not need a raise.

    Personal Days
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

    Lunch Break
    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy

    Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

    Fat people get 5 minutes for their lunch, because thats all the time they need to drink a slim fast and take a diet pill.

    Sick Days
    We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Restroom use
    Entirely too much time gets spent in the rest room. There will now be a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, you picture will be posted on the company bulletin boad under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

    Surgery
    As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have anything removed constitutes a breach on employment.

    All questions, comments, concers, complaints, frustrations iritations, agravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, constenations and inputs should be directed to the state unemployment offices.

    Have a nice day.

    I loved this we actually had it faxed to us at work 2 weeks ago love it its so funny, one thing though

    Its actually this :
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are NOT called Saturday and Sundays.

    Still its very funny :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haha, I like the lunch break one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does actually sound like my job. S'pose that's what ya get when you work for a fascist...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds pretty true.......

    so THIS is the state of the world now*tutts*
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