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EDs and recovery
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive been bulimic for 3 and a half years now, about a year of that ive been trying to get better, but only in the past 2 months have i actually been successful. (im using self help books at the moment, while im waiting on a waiting list to see a therapist). i can honestly say that the first time i made myself sick was the biggest mistake of my life, and has, in a way, runied the last 3 years of my life! sorry if that sounds a bit dramatic or like an exagaration, but having food control you for so long feels awful:(.
anyway, i was out for a meal with a couple of my friends (who do not know about my bulimia) for a meal a few days ago. one of them decided she felt too full and, because she wanted to get drunk that night, she decided to go to the toilet and make herself sick!:rolleyes: it really put me in a possition because i find things like that, especially after having a large meal, very triggering. and also very worrying that my friend will end up down the same path as i did!
it turns out she has only ever done it a 'few' times, whatever that means. luckily she isnt a close friend or i might have gone mad at her! but has anyone else been in this situation, suffering themselves from an eating disorder (or not) and what did you do to cope with it? i think by telling them my problems, would make things very awkward for both of us, especially if they dont know much about it.
at the time i felt pretty in control, but in retrospect, if i had been having a 'bad day' things couldve been different and i couldve relapsed which really scares me because i really dont want to go back to that again!
anyway, thankyou for any ideas or help
xx
anyway, i was out for a meal with a couple of my friends (who do not know about my bulimia) for a meal a few days ago. one of them decided she felt too full and, because she wanted to get drunk that night, she decided to go to the toilet and make herself sick!:rolleyes: it really put me in a possition because i find things like that, especially after having a large meal, very triggering. and also very worrying that my friend will end up down the same path as i did!
it turns out she has only ever done it a 'few' times, whatever that means. luckily she isnt a close friend or i might have gone mad at her! but has anyone else been in this situation, suffering themselves from an eating disorder (or not) and what did you do to cope with it? i think by telling them my problems, would make things very awkward for both of us, especially if they dont know much about it.
at the time i felt pretty in control, but in retrospect, if i had been having a 'bad day' things couldve been different and i couldve relapsed which really scares me because i really dont want to go back to that again!
anyway, thankyou for any ideas or help
xx
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Comments
your post wasnt useless thanks for replying:)
do you think that you are fully recovered even though you still make yourself sick? dont you see recovery as never doing it? some people think that you never fully recover from an eating disorder, which is quite depressing really and i really dont want to believe that! ah well, early days yet! im sure it gets easier!
It's really cool that you're managing to make yourself feel better, and that you're being pro-active whilst on the waiting list. And ocngrats that you didn't let your friend's actions become triggering.
I don't know how close you and your friend are, but you could be a real support to her. Try having a chat, it might be useful for both of you.
About recovering, I do think you can get to a point where you don't need to make yourself sick (and incidentally I think that's the only point you're really over it) but in some ways you can't ever fully get over an eating disorder, like any other addiction. I did find a very encouraging book, though, called "Good Girls Do Swallow" but for the life of me I can't remember who wrote it. I'll find that for you.
Edit: OK, found it: Good Girls Do Swallow by Rachael Oakes-Ash
Also, having read Smash's comments, she does have a point. It's not easy to support someone when you're having problems yourself but for me I feel better if I'm helping someone else. It's personal I suppose.
Personally, no.
The bloke I have to see about stuff like this says he gets patients who say 'oh, I'm fine now - I only throw up twice a week'
He always says that if they can look at themselves in the mirror whilst they're doing it (haven't quite worked out the logistics of that one myself) then they're free to go.
Then she's either seeking attention or dying for someone to notice what shes going through. Hell, she may not have fallen into the 'cycle' yet. She may never - I doubt it, but there you go.
Me I'd ignore it. If only for my own sanity/safety. I think being Ed'd yourself makes it impossible for you to be emotionally separate from the issue.
I don't know where she is - blatant denial or really doesn't see it as a problem, but keep yourself safe above all else. The ear;y days of recovery are hard enough without having it shoved in your faced and 'normalised' when you know what an affect it has had on your own life.
I did think I was recovered when i didnt purge for almost a week, as I didnt miss it at all, but i was snapping at people more and i do need it.
sorry to be all depressing, but i dont think full recovery is ever possible... but i am very proud of people who take back control of their lives as ive tried lots of times and always give up after some time between a few days and a fortnight.. im too tired to fight it..
dont let this girl make you relapse as she sounds liek she was attention seeking
Helping someone with similar problems to yourself is a toughie - especially as this friend doesn't know. Stressed gave some good advice about being open with her - try to think back to how you felt when you were in the very early stages of your eating disorder and that might give you some hints as to approaching it the best way. I understand that you don't want to tell everyone about yoru problems, but this girl may respect yuou more if you open up first - and she may find it easier to talk about her own issues.
I'm sure you know all the people out there that can help, but I'll post some links at the bottom in case it helps.
The other thing that struck me was her reasoning behind it - that she wanted to 'get drunk'. Eating properly before you go out drinking is essential and drinking lots on an empty stomach is a really bad idea. Does she get drunk regularly - do you think she's developing a problem? Again, I'll paste some links below which may help.
Good luck.
Eating disorders - helping a friend
Eating Disorders Association
Helpline: 0845 634 1414 (8.30am-8.30pm weekdays). Youth helpline (under 18s): 0845 634 7650 (4pm-6.30pm weekdays).
www.edauk.com
info@edauk.com
Drinking:
Got a drink problem?
Alcohol binges
Drinking benders
so in responce to spanner, yeah i know not eating before drinking is really bad, the times ive done it, i feel amazingly ill the next day that it really isnt worth it, i make sure i eat before i drink now! but yeah, i dont think she has a drinking problem anymore than the rest of us youth binge drinkers...
the thing about trying to support my friend, is that im not too close to her, just to one of her friends, and i really dont want this getting out about me. it would make my life very awkward so telling her what ive been through is a no no!
its not specifically this friend that is bothering me. its the fact that, especially when i start uni in september, im going to meet lots of people with eating disorders and im not sure how it is going to affect me as a person... i dont think im strong enough yet to help people, because i think i am still influenced by what people say. for example, im trying to get dieting out of my way of thinking, which is so difficult when ive been doing it for so many years, and when im with dieting people, it makes it a hundred times worse!
this is so true, and what im trying to say really:)
i believe that you can fully recover, thats the only thing driving me to get through this because i want to be normal, i dont want food to rule my life, its my life for god sake! i want to rule it! sounds quite dramatic but im tired of feeling bad about eating carbs or whatever! food is a fuel not an enemy, it keeps you going...
i completely feel for you, friends treating you like that are really not worth your time. i had a friend once who knew i was bulimic, after a night out once, after a meal and a bottle of wine or so, my so called friend decided it would be a good idea to make herself sick infront of me, and just me, knowingi was going through a difficult patch with my eating disorder at that time:(
thanks for everyones help by the way:)
yeah, i think there is a certain time period that it needs to be over... often it starts off as a weight related thing then leads to something else. for me, it was very much related to stress.
i think this is the american deifinition: http://www.gurze.com/site12_5_00/bulimia.htm
sorry i couldnt find the one for england but i think it is similar.
these two links are quite helpful:
http://www.edauk.com/
http://www.something-fishy.org/
and these girls both have a healthy appetite and certainly no problems with attention seeking or eating normally.
not everything is black and white
i think in relation to my friend, youre right. i guess people who have suffered from it tend to over analyse peoples behaviour around food?
though having siad that, lots of people do start like this!
it might not be strictly bulimia, but it's definitely an eating disorder.
also clara's point about your reasons changing over time is spot on. i didn't stop eating cause i wanted to lose weight. but somehow it ended up being about that.