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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey.. I'm new here.. was given this link because I'm "out of control" and need help..so yes..

Basically my parents went through my stuff, read diaries, saw I'd written about getting stoned, went through my room, stole my baccy and rizla, am now acting all disappointed and like I'm a problem child and stuff..
Well I don't think they had the right to go through my stuff, and I don't really think it's any of their business that I smoke weed..
I would have told them if I didn't know the blinkered attitude they have towards drugs and I knew they'd fly off the handle.
Do you know of any links that will show them that I'm not some problem child for smoking weed with my friends? Or has anyone else had a similar experience with parents and got through it?
Because I am resorting to lying to them about it now and denying it, but still having to refuse to get a drugs test because I shouldn't have to, I don't think..
I know what drugs I want to try..cannabis, poppers, alcohol, shrooms, and I'm pretty sure that's it.. And I haven't tried shrooms before, but the others were fine.
Do you think it's a personal choice?
I'm just mad because they're treating me so bad and I just want to move out now..it's causing me so much stress!!!

Or do they have the right to go through my stuff and take anything they find away because it's illegal and they're my parents?
I'm worried they'll stop me camping at Reading now, because they'll be worried.. How can I prove to them that it's not that bad?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can't prove to them it's not bad, in their eyes their child is on drugs and that's all bad to them.

    Realistically your their son/daughter and they are only looking out for you, you live in their house and you obey their rules, that's the reality of the situation, i know it's not good but you are only 15, you can hardly expect them to just let you sit and smoke your head off can you? well actually some of my friends parents don't mind it at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, it's not good. And I am 16 in 1month and 3 days and counting them down.. Technically I'm allowed to move out then. :) But I probably won't, so do I have to continue to deny taking drugs for 2 years? That would be hard.
    I don't smoke it in their house, I don't smoke it in excess generally, I don't harm others, I'm not stealing from them to "fuel" my habit.. if it was alcohol then they'd probably understand more, and in my opinion that's worse.
    I hate the ideas people have about cannabis.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah mate but by having it in the house, you are making your parents liable for having it on their property.

    Also the law states that if you are under 18 new guidlines state that you can be arrested if the old bill catch you with it.

    At the very least (even if its not serious) its gonna be a bit stressful for your parents havin to come and pick you up from the nick.

    This is exactly what i didnt want to hear @ 15-16 but its the truth:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    burningwotsits ...when you become a parent you'll understand why ...your parents are reaciting in the way they are.
    they have nurtured you from being a helpless baby ...a no nothing toddler.
    they read the stuff abot drugs and youth ...drugs and crime ...you can't possibly expect loving parents to react in any other way ...can you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Morrocan Roll
    burningwotsits ...when you become a parent you'll understand why ...your parents are reaciting in the way they are.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All I can suggest is show you're parents the info on here or erowid, and talk to them. This will only work if they are reasonable coz to be honest my parents are totally unreasonable so I lie to them to. But yeh if they are suspecting, do your research then talk to them about it in an an adult way. At least they'll respect your honesty, maybe even learn a thing or two.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can you handle ...smoking a spliff or a half of one ...then being realy normal around the house and family? i men normal. not going out of your way to impress or please ...just being normal in your household?
    then telling them ...yesterday i was smoking weed and none of you even noticed ....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you want them to treat you as an adult, someone capable of making adult choices then you have to make sure to act like one.

    Treat your parents with respect, NEVER shout at them, swear at them...etc. This will really not help the situation.

    Its not totally surprising that they dont want you doing it, to them your probably still that little kid they dont want going off into the big bad world.

    I smoked from the age of 14, and I kept it hiden from my parents, apart from getting caught once.

    I'm not sure they will ever be 'cool' about you doing it, you may want to try and explain your situation, but whether they will ever be happy about it, only you can tell.

    As for going through your stuff, well its their house isnt it. But then it doesnt exactly promote trust between you. Trust works both ways, if they want to trust you then you have to trust them too. And that means them not poking through your stuff all the time.

    Being a teenager is hard, good luck with it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I live in their home, but isnt privacy a human right? I have been around them after smoking many a time.. They've come home during study leave and I was half way through a joint and had to put it out..they didn't see it or notice anything (until they read about it in my diary..)..and I come back from town stoned quite a bit too..
    I really want to have a discussion with them and try explain it, but from previous discussions I know they will never change their mind and just fly off the handle.
    I guess all I can do is count myself lucky that they didn't find out a year ago.
    I see your point about keeping it in their house though..I may think about that as I dont want them getting busted for my personal decision.
    However, I dont agree with the "when you become a parent..." statement, as I dont believe they care about me in the slightest, only about how they deem themselves to have failed as parents if I am doing what they suspect. If they did care then they would not have done many of the things that they have done and I would not be the way that I am now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i seriously doubt the old bill would do your parents for your weed.
    it'd be chucked out before it got to court.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cant specifically comment on your parents not knowing really anything about them. But your situation does sound like mine when I was a teenager.

    I barely spoke to my parents and them to me for about 4 years even though we were obviously living in the same house. It certainly wasnt exactly the happiest of families.

    My dad found stuff of mine once and said;

    "You mum said that she would leave if any of you (I have siblings) were doing this, do you want to split up the family?"

    So yes, I can understand the point about them doing things that make them appear to not care about your point of view.

    However, its not quite as simple as that, I now, quite a few years later, actually get on with my folks. Their parenting skills were shit, but that wasnt really their fault and they did actually care.

    All I can say is that it does get easier and better, just stick it out, all that stuff about those being the best years of your life is bollox.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah..I guess.I havent even got much at home anyway, so it should be fine.
    bongbudda, that is good.. everyone keeps repeating these are the best days of my life and if that was true then the rest of my life will be absolute hell! im glad it gets better with parents too.. i do want to get on with them, they just cant accept im growing up, and cant accept any ideas other than their own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, as I say, dont believe that shite about those being good times, in the main your too poor to do what you want, you've got shit exams you dont care about, for one reason and another socialising with anyone is FAR more complex that UN negotiations....etc.

    Most people I know had a crap time of it during their teenage years, its only when you get to about 17 or 18 when it starts getting better.

    As for your parents, well you being a teenager is difficult for them too, up untill now you have been a child. And as that they can treat you as such, you have to remember that there is a good deal of re-adjustment for them too. They have to learn how to communicate with you as an equal.

    Its taken years but I do get on alright with my folks now, to be frank I doubt I would be that bothered if they just dropped off the earth. But they are pleasant enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They must have gone through your stuff in the first place because they suspected something was wrong...or do they often go through your stuff?

    Get a lockable box and put stuff in there, you have that right......they have a duty as parents to care for you and they are only trying to keep you safe.

    Do they smoke? have you ever talked to them openly about their view of drugs....it's possible that they have a very scared and closed attitude to drugs?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A lockable box is bound to arouse feelings that something is being hidden. They are going to know you have something to hide.

    The best option is to hide it better. I found the battery section of a plugged in radio was good or taped to the bottom of a draw.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am hoping it will get better a year earlier for me.. then I only have to wait a month and I'll be 16 and life will miracuously be better!!
    I wouldnt be bothered at all if they dropped off the face of the planet to be honest, although I'd feel bad for my little sister I guess.
    I was debating a lockable box but I think they'd only try get into it.. I have no trouble hiding weed and they can't find it, but it's diaries and journals and letters they've been through and I can't hide.. they went through my stuff because apparently I have an air of hiding something from them and apparently they'll stop at nothing to discover what this "something" is..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm, well then, your best option is maybe one of those dredded 'blogs' online that way they wouldnt be able to read it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no! That's the thing!! I had one and they started all this because I didnt delete the file for the site properly when I logged off, so they saw it and saw it was my diary and decided to read it... it was there they read that id smoked and so then trawled my room, went through everything else and are questioning everything i do!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by burningwings
    I am hoping it will get better a year earlier for me.. then I only have to wait a month and I'll be 16 and life will miracuously be better!!
    I wouldnt be bothered at all if they dropped off the face of the planet to be honest, although I'd feel bad for my little sister I guess.
    I was debating a lockable box but I think they'd only try get into it.. I have no trouble hiding weed and they can't find it, but it's diaries and journals and letters they've been through and I can't hide.. they went through my stuff because apparently I have an air of hiding something from them and apparently they'll stop at nothing to discover what this "something" is..
    Buy ten lockable boxes place them side by side on your desk and leave a note in each one, something like: "the heroin aint in here keep looking"
    I guarantee they'll get into at least one of them.
    Just play the whole thing up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LMFAO that really did make me laugh out loud Jinx!! I'm afraid I already am too emotional and act before thinking, so in my online journal did a message and let it be viewable to the whole public and wrote a note in their like "im glad they didnt check the afi cds, theyd find cannabis for an army in their now im dealing" etc and stuff about other stuff too and how they dont trust me, and im pretty sure theyve been and read it..
    i wish i had a home video system to aim on these lockable boxes though!!!! :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your parents are absolutely right.
    Look here, you got drugs but in which way you got them? If you buy it you buy it for your parents money. They have full right to search in your things, ban you from having this or that, command you to do whatever they wish- because all things you think are yours are actually THEIRS. They worked, they paid. You do nothing but enjoy things that are a result of their sweat, blood, long working days, enduring rude bosses, stupid colleagues, so on.
    But if this is true, ( this IS true, right?) where YOUR rights are?
    Remember- There are no rights except property rights.
    Remember-There is no freedom except financial freedom.
    Try to earn your own money. They are yours, really, absolutely, because they are a result of your sweat, blood, efforts…
    In this case you are free to ban your parents from your drugs!
    The whole case becomes not a pity story about a poor girl exploited by stupid parents, but a serious conversation, a mutual agreement, a “court of peers” where both sides are equal.
  • JadedJaded back for more Posts: 2,682
    LabRat, I think you are kind of missing the point. No need to make it political.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LadyJade! Good to have you back, how was your hols?

    LabRat is right, this is indeed a heavy political question, does this teenagers puff fall under the right to reasonable privicy? Or perhaps this is indeed a legitimate search and seisure.
  • JadedJaded back for more Posts: 2,682
    Originally posted by bongbudda
    LadyJade! Good to have you back, how was your hols?

    Hello Bong, cheers! Hols were lovely thanks, the weather in Devon was gorgeous!

    and I don't think LabRat needs any encouragement.......
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ahh, you can tell you aint from around these parts, no one but old people and tourists go to devon. I'm off to a lovely part of Dorset later in the summer.
  • JadedJaded back for more Posts: 2,682
    Ahh, but it is so beautiful in spring, wildflowers everywhere!! And our cottage was lovely, right next to a footpath across who knows how many fields, I've never had so much exercise on a holiday!

    Anyway, I'm on a mission this summer to see as much of th UK as possible, oldies destinations included!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I buy it from the money in my bank account, which is pocket money and so paid to me from them, but surely once it's in my account it is mine? As if you give money to charity, or pay someone for doing a job such as babysitting, you don't still control the money you have given them.. And I have taken control of my savings account, which mum is extremely unhappy about, but that is all money given to me for birthdays and as gifts from people, so would it be different if they went through my stuff to look for drugs paid for with that, than with pocket money?
    Even if it was reasonable for them to take away my drugs, they havent found them and so are busying themselves with the rest of my life and reading my stuff and sending me to psychiatrists and similar.. they're overreacting and making my gcses even more stressful than they should be.. they're also making me look incredibly unfit! Yes..I blame them for my abnormally high heart rate at the moment..i went to the gym and it was 150bpm or something!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are they seriously sending your for counselling based purely on your alledged drug use?! Shit no NHS doctor would refer you for that.

    I dont know what to say apart from good luck, as I say, try and maintain youself restraint and act well and then they will end up looking neurotic and silly. Well hopefully anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They're considering private now, because nhs is taking too long apparently..
    I am denying it and you're right, they will end up looking neurotic and silly, just like they did at the GPs
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd go for it, but then I'd quite like to go into counselling, it would be quite good to lay about and talk about myself for an hour a week.

    Then you can come back each week and say things like, hmmm yes, I feel I'm making real progress, I had a good break-through this week.

    It would also bitch your parents to the doctor, which could be enjoyable.

    I'd go and enjoy it, but then maybe your not like me.
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