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When friendships turn bad

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really need to get this off my chest so here goes. I dont really know where to start but I will try to make some sense. I left school last year, after my A levels. Most of my old group of friends went to uni, the others got jobs, including me. In others I mean what was my best friend, Liz, and another reasonably close friend, lets call her Mel. It all seemed fine a while ago, I mean i didnt go out every weekend, but often enough. Mel had a long term boyfriend which was fine etc, I still saw her. But as soon as Liz got another in a long line of boyfriends, it all changed.

I can understand Mel not really being bothered, I mean she never was that bothered in the first place (and now she is pregnant so she doesnt want to ever go out). But Liz doesnt text me. She doesnt call me. Its got to the stage now where I have given up. I have given up asking if they are going out because I know what the answer will be before ive even started. Its hard when your only two 'friends' have boyfriends. I spend my weekends at home, indoors. I text Liz, and say "are you going out tonight, shall we go out"?, you know, just to the pub or something for a drink, but the same answer always comes back "no sorry, im meeting James tonight for pizza". I text Mel, and the answers the same : "no sorry, im going to the cinema tonight with Liam". I feel totally abandoned and incredibly lonely. When ive said ive felt lonely a while back, Liz has always said, "you will find someone soon enough, look at me and James, i never would have thought it would happen" but i feel like screaming back "how can i meet someone when i never go out? how can i meet people when im inside in front of the telly?". Every saturday night I feel like going out but have no one to go out with. I sit at home thinking to myself "my friends are out now, having fun, enjoying thenselves. When will it be my turn?". I feel sad that I no longer have any friends. And i cant believe i can be forgotten about so easily. I have things that I could really do with talking to a friend about, but its as if Liz doesnt care anymore, she wouldnt know anything if someone asked her what was happening in my life.I really am close to breaking point. Your thougths would be much appreciated. Thanks.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know it sounds incredibly naive, and patronising, but hear me out:

    Make new friends. The ones you have are obviously the sort who dump their friends as soon as they get some sex.
    If making new friends is hard then go back to college, try starting work where most of the people there are your age (I work in a pub and it's great) or join a club.

    All i can say is that you have tried your best to accomodate your friends, but they haven't done you the same courtesy, so dump em and move on and stand back smiling smugly when they come running to you because their relationships have collapsed.

    Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    high sophie,

    i can echo whowheres comments, your friends cant really be that bothered in how you feel if youve already told them your feelings/being lonely. im in the same situ as yourself i dont go out really at all (i mean clubbing etc) but i do try to make some new friends such as at work, ive went to a few nights out etc but like yourself i wouldnt go out on my own, i can see your point going out on your own as a girl aswell. im not the best for advice in this type of thing but all i can say is try and make a concious effort to meet other people perhaps at work or in any clubs you may go to, than go out with them for the night.

    all the best

    (if your ever up in scotland i'll take you out for a pint) <IMG alt="image" SRC="redface.gif" border="0">)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can totally identify with you - myself and a 'friend' had a huge argument over her lying to her friends so that she could let us down to spend time with the boyfriend.
    They're still together, but everyone has seen her for her 'true colours' if you like. They've seen how she's let five years of friendship fall apart for some guy who won't even tolerate her mates.

    Getting a job in a bar, or anywhere with people your age is a great plan. You'll earn money and meet people. Even if you don't get a social life out of it, you'll have a job and something to do.
    Are you at work/college/uni? I mean, there you can definately find people with things in common with you.
    Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for all your advice so far. I work with alot of people my age, or just slightly older, and have been out once or twice with them but usually I feel that they are doing it cos i am a colleague, not because they enjoy my company or something. Im also shy which doesnt help! i find that if your shy people often assume that your a snob or something because you dont talk much and they take that as if you are above them (sorry completely unrelated!).

    I forgot to mention the thing that triggered my doubts about their friendship. Picture the scene. New years Eve. Ive got nothing planned. Text Liz at about 1pm to ask about going out that evening (thought I better cos had heard nothing for weeks). Anyway, answer comes back a few hours later. "Im in the car on my way up to London, we are going to a club for New Years!". Me : ""oh right. Whos with you then?". Liz : "Mel, James, and Liam. And a few others too". Needless to say she didnt get a response back from me. And my New Years Eve? Lets just say it involved me, a bottle of red wine, and an early night.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you sound like a nice gal to me, I used to be shy, I think it's a confidence thing.
    And those friends don't sound like proper mates; it sounds like you're obliged to hang round them.

    It may be difficult to find people at first, but once you've done it once, you can do it again!
    Good luck!
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