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Adoption

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I was adopted at birth and if I'm truthful with myself I've never understood the feeling of rejection, it's just something I find so very hard to deal with. I'm not sure if I want to or if it would help put me at ease, but there is consideration to search for my birth mother. I can't help but feel disloyal to my adoptive familly as they've raised me all these years. I was wondering if anyone here has been in the postion themselves, and if they have any advice on

what to do?
where to start?
Should I say anything to my adoptive family?
Will they reject me for feeling like this?
I've heard birth meetings can be devestating, am I setting myself up for more pain?

Sorry for all the questions, I am very confused right now, it's just one more situation that's screwing me over right now.

Persil
"Children are like washing powders, some are biological, some are non-biological" ~David Badiel~

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    u've given me good advice already mate, so hope i can reciprocate:

    from my point of view, i don't think there is anythign wrong with searching for ur birth mother. u obviously feel like ur part of ur adoptive family, but ur naturally curious, which is perfectly normal.

    i dunno anything bout ur relationship with ur parents, but if u've got a good relationship, i'm sure they'll understand. ur not being disloyal, at least i wouldn't see it that way (bearing in mind my opinion is somewhat objective).

    basically, if u wanna know u shouldn't be afraid of finding out. meeting ur mum could be emotionally taxing, so make sure u really wanna do it b4 u get stuck into tracking her down...but, cos ur only human, if u wanna know who she is ur gonna track her down...curiosity killed the cat.
    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    plus, if you do find her, keep ur expectations to a minimum, because there isn't always a hollywood ending in these situtations. there is a chance she may not want to meet you.

    u do have to think about the possibility, however awful it feels, that you might get rejected again. and like turtle said, can you handle that?

    sorry to be a downer dude.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not adopted and I don't know a whole lot about it, but this is what I do know. Hope it helps you!

    There is an organisation that helps people who are adopted to find their birth mother. She can't get in contact with you but she may have given them her name and address in case you try and get in touch.

    I don't actually know what the organisation is called but your adoptive parents probably will, and it's the best place for you to start looking.

    And I would advise you to talk to your parents about how you're feeling. They will probably expect you to want to find your birth mother, but as long as you include them and make sure they know you still love them, they should be fine about it, and give you all the help and support you need.

    But before you start trying to find her, remember what Turtle says about curiosity killing the cat. You may find that she's glad you got in touch, but on the other hand she may prefer to forget about you, which wouldn't be too nice for you.

    Keep us posted with whatever you decide to do, and good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Searching for you birth parents is a big project to undertake & could be fraught with problems. If I were adopted I would do anything possible to find out what had happened & what my parents were like & I would do anything to meet them.

    However, you have to prepare yourself for the worst & allow yourself to understand that you cannot judge them, whatever their reasons were to have to give you up.

    I'm sure that your real parents (as opposed to your blood parents) are waiting for the subject to come up & when it does, they will probably be relieved that the waiting is over. It will be a difficult time for them too and will accentuate any insecurities they may have.

    You might even find that the search brings you closer together.

    There are many search agencies about, alot of them have web pages. You will have to have as much information as possible & you will need to ask our parents about that.

    Good luck with the search, if you decide to go ahead, take it slowly & be understanding.

    j9

    A wise man is always happy to be corrected
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks friends <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; your advice is well apreciated. I guess I'm tired of feeling a void in this cosmos, kind of incomplete. I need to know the answers to my questions before I can move on in my journey of life.
    Thanks once again
    Persil
    "Children are like washing powders, some are biological, some are non-biological" ~David Badiel~
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like a bloody amazing reason to me <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Good luck mate, hope things turn out good for ya <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You know what Persil, if you do decide to search, I think it would make a great "diary project" for thesite

    Just a thought <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    j9

    A wise man is always happy to be corrected
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Persil, how do you feel towards your birth mother at this point in time?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by SusieLovesCalvin:
    Persil, how do you feel towards your birth mother at this point in time?

    That's a very good question SusieLovesCalvin I guess confused would be an understatement. I feel very low and rejected, I think I feel shame, because I was an unwanted teen pregnancy. I would love to answer the nagging question deep inside Why?. I would also love to answer that if some of my medical problems are as a result I know that for example I wear glasses purely for reading and close fine work, like at a computer. There are times when I work out how lucky I am to have my adoptive familly who will help me when I need it. God it's all way to confusing. Persil <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    "Children are like washing powders, some are biological, some are non-biological" ~David Badiel~
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Persil:
    That's a very good question SusieLovesCalvin I guess confused would be an understatement. I feel very low and rejected, I think I feel shame, because I was an unwanted teen pregnancy. I would love to answer the nagging question deep inside Why?. I would also love to answer that if some of my medical problems are as a result I know that for example I wear glasses purely for reading and close fine work, like at a computer. There are times when I work out how lucky I am to have my adoptive familly who will help me when I need it. God it's all way to confusing. Persil <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;



    I guess I understand to the best of my ability, the way you are feeling. I know this might not mean much, but your mother cared enough for you to bring you into this world, and she probably thought you would have a better chance at it with your adoptive family. im glad theyre really supportive of you <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    it's cool coz though you weren't born into that family, they picked you specially <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    anyways, i hope you find your birth mother, and i hope it goes well for you.
    but tbh, you might not want to know the answer to "why".
    ok, im confusing i spect, ttys
    kayls xox
    honey help me out of this mess..i'm a stranger to myself..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think searching for your birth parents is a very brave thing to do, and i totally respect you for that <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; you sound like a very strong person.

    i'm sure a lot of your anxieties are expressed by her too. it's always a risky thing setting out to find adoptive parents/children. You will never know how they will react when/if you find them.

    I wish you every luck in this adventure, and hope it has a happy ending for you <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
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