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Help!!!!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Please help... what can I do..

I've got a really good friend who's going through a Very very rought stage at the moment and have been for awhile it looks like it isn't going to go away anytime soon.. now I suggested to her that she accepts professonal help but she keeps denying the problem is that bad, Now I don't know if I know the full extent of the problems but from what I do know I'm very very worried

What can I do... I'm scared...she'll do summit stupid :(

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what is the actual problem? and i feel you should be her professional, stick by her no matter what be there every second of the day, she needs you, sometimes you just have to drop everything and do everything in your power to help people even if it is not best for your friendship, maby even tell her parents i dont know the problem so i cant help much more yet?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bob_Da_Spider
    what is the actual problem? and i feel you should be her professional, stick by her no matter what be there every second of the day, she needs you, sometimes you just have to drop everything and do everything in your power to help people even if it is not best for your friendship, maby even tell her parents i dont know the problem so i cant help much more yet?

    I don't think there'd apriciate me posting there personal problems on thesite, otherwise I would..

    I will ALLWAYS be there for them but it's soooooooo hard... eg the otther night she was kinda nasty on the phone although she appologised today It still made me feel like shit,

    I will try ever so hard to help her see a pro and me being her pro.. how can I help.. I'm just a normal guy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She'll get help when, and only when, she is ready. Keep nagging like you are doing and she will just get pissed off at you. Which won't help anybody.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    She'll get help when, and only when, she is ready. Keep nagging like you are doing and she will just get pissed off at you. Which won't help anybody.

    I disagree. She has obviously confided in him to a certain point and she has told him what her issues are to a certain extent, maybe she needs to be encouraged to open up more to someone that she feels is completely impartial.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well she say's she don't want help because she don't want to be judged my some stranger and various other things, I wish I could mention more but if she found out about this bit she'll prob kill me just for this.. I'm just worried and care about her but she don't relise it.. she isn't well she hasn't been the same for a long long time.. I just want her to be happy:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    She'll get help when, and only when, she is ready. Keep nagging like you are doing and she will just get pissed off at you. Which won't help anybody.
    She might get pissed. But I know that when I started seeing a counselor, I wouldn't have gone if someone hadn't booked it for me.
    Originally posted by Hellfire
    Well she say's she don't want help because she don't want to be judged my some stranger and various other things, I wish I could mention more but if she found out about this bit she'll prob kill me just for this.. I'm just worried and care about her but she don't relise it.. she isn't well she hasn't been the same for a long long time.. I just want her to be happy:)
    My schools Educational Welfare Officer was dead good - no judging at all. Try and have a word with whoever in your school would be responsible for arranging meetings with the EWO about a "hypothetical" friend, see if you can do anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thing is.. she's not in my school.. she goes to college:(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Hellfire
    Thing is.. she's not in my school.. she goes to college:(
    Not much you can do in that respect then... You'll just have to convince her that seeing a councillor or EWO isn't such a bad thing. I reckon it would be helpful for anyone, not just someone who has specific problems. They don't judge you and they are really helpful, even just because trying to explain the problems to someone who doesn't know you helps you look at it. All the usual: try to be there, to listen, etc., but you're only human, and you have no real experience in handling such problems.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bob_Da_Spider
    what is the actual problem? and i feel you should be her professional, stick by her no matter what be there every second of the day, she needs you, sometimes you just have to drop everything and do everything in your power to help people even if it is not best for your friendship, maby even tell her parents i dont know the problem so i cant help much more yet?
    gah.. number one way to make sure she never ever tells you anything again!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    gah.. number one way to make sure she never ever tells you anything again!

    it is obvious you dont understand what girls are like, she needs the atttention and help but she cant see that she might need possible professional help, sometimes you have to help by doing drastic measure, she will thank you in the long run, because she reaises you care so much.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As much as I care I won't go behind her back and book her appointments and tell people about her etc thats plain cuntish and would never do it. I will however gather information and stuff so I can hand it to her then at the end of the day it's her choice what she does with it...

    But I hope she does the right thing... for her sake..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bob_Da_Spider
    it is obvious you dont understand what girls are like, she needs the atttention and help but she cant see that she might need possible professional help, sometimes you have to help by doing drastic measure, she will thank you in the long run, because she reaises you care so much.
    yes thats true, I have absolutely no idea what girls are like :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Hellfire
    As much as I care I won't go behind her back and book her appointments and tell people about her etc thats plain cuntish and would never do it. I will however gather information and stuff so I can hand it to her then at the end of the day it's her choice what she does with it...

    But I hope she does the right thing... for her sake..
    I think thats the best plan of action Graham, help her if she asks for it, but if she doesnt, then youre going to have to bite your tongue and just be there for her, as hard as that may be. Forcing her into seeking help before shes ready for it could do more harm than good and would probably ruin your friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    I think thats the best plan of action Graham, help her if she asks for it, but if she doesnt, then youre going to have to bite your tongue and just be there for her, as hard as that may be. Forcing her into seeking help before shes ready for it could do more harm than good and would probably ruin your friendship.

    Yeah... I thought as much I was just hoping for another alternative or option but I guess it's the best cause of actions.

    Thank you. I had a hunch that there wasn't much I could do sorry for wasting your time people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i didnt say go behind her back, i personally mean be there when she needs you and help her when you feel you have to.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bob_Da_Spider
    i didnt say go behind her back, i personally mean be there when she needs you and help her when you feel you have to.

    :)

    When you get in a hole, you stop digging:p

    Hellfire, what I've said and what rainbow brite said is sadly the only way. It is hard, very hard, but it's what has to be done. If she confides things in you you have to be there for her, but, quite simply, if every time she tries to confide things in you you go and nag her to get help, she will simply stop getting your help.

    Depending on what it is, though, the professionals aren't always better to counsel. A friend of mine was raped, and she has got better by me being there for her, and talking with her, and holding her, rather than getting any professional help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm glad to say it's nothing as serious than rape thank god.. sorry to hear about your friend kermit,

    Thank's everyone I'll show her the thread to explain things:) thanks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mate, if its someone who comes on here, why are you writing a thread saying how worried. It seems a bit self indulgent to then show her the thread saying `look, I care so much i wrote a thread about you on a website you visit`. If someone I spoke to from here decided to start a thread about how they were worried about me, id be severely pissed off. Its personal. Itd be different if it was a site that she didnt visit, or if youd posted under an anonymous name, Im sorry if this sounds harsh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    mate, if its someone who comes on here, why are you writing a thread saying how worried. It seems a bit self indulgent to then show her the thread saying `look, I care so much i wrote a thread about you on a website you visit`. If someone I spoke to from here decided to start a thread about how they were worried about me, id be severely pissed off. Its personal. Itd be different if it was a site that she didnt visit, or if youd posted under an anonymous name, Im sorry if this sounds harsh.

    I sent them a link.. they didn't know bout this place...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Hellfire
    I sent them a link.. they didn't know bout this place...
    and what do you hope is going to happen now she knows you wrote about her.
    I dont see the point in sending her the thread, it seems a bit vain to me. Like youve done it just so she knows youve done it, rather than because you want to be any real help. Sorry if im not very good at articulating that, someone must know what i mean.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It'll be easyer to show her how I feel, I found it hard explaining it to her and what I'm thinking.. she took it ok and understood:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Hellfire
    It'll be easyer to show her how I feel, I found it hard explaining it to her and what I'm thinking.. she took it ok and understood:)

    Good.

    I know what you mean RB- it's like it's a self-indulgent ego-trip, more like "look at me, I'm helping someone" for the benefit of us rather than of being any actual material benefit to the girl in question.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kermit
    Good.

    I know what you mean RB- it's like it's a self-indulgent ego-trip, more like "look at me, I'm helping someone" for the benefit of us rather than of being any actual material benefit to the girl in question.

    I don't care about myself.. I'm more worried about her ok. It was easyer to describe how I felt towards this sisuation by showing the thread thats the only reason I made it..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Hellfire
    I don't care about myself.. I'm more worried about her ok. It was easyer to describe how I felt towards this sisuation by showing the thread thats the only reason I made it..

    Quite.

    But you must see why RB thinks otherwise?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah I can see why,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Bob_Da_Spider
    it is obvious you dont understand what girls are like, she needs the atttention and help but she cant see that she might need possible professional help, sometimes you have to help by doing drastic measure, she will thank you in the long run, because she reaises you care so much.
    because obviously all girls are clones and are exactly the same as each other and are not in fact as I was led to believe individuals that all want different things.
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