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Women, your orgasmic advice please !

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Scenario:

Guy meets girl. Relationship for around 6 months, lots of laughter, conversation, great company and lots of affection and respect etc.... great sex EXCEPT for the fact that she can't reach orgasm. I've tried everything I know: relaxation techniques, massages, extended foreplay including oral, lubrications, sex-toys, G-spot and clitoral concentration, rough and tumble, even the "blindfolded-and-tied-to-the-bed" routine and she STILL won't come!

She says that this is not a problem for her and that she has always found it difficult to reach orgasm (she doesn't masturbate for this reason!). I know that some women can experience their first orgasm as late as 40 or 50 yrs old....

However, I would be lying if I said it didn't make me a little nervous! I just want to give her the pleasure she gives me and to feel good about it. She says that I am a "great lover" (sic) and that I shouldn't worry about it. I must say, I've never found it a problem with previous g/f's.

Please share with me your orgasmic experiences. Do you find it difficult to have an orgasm? What techniques have you used to help? What do you recommend? All suggestions welcome :-)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Alan london:
    Scenario:

    great sex EXCEPT for the fact that she can't reach orgasm. I've tried everything I know: relaxation techniques, massages, extended foreplay including oral, lubrications, sex-toys, G-spot and clitoral concentration, rough and tumble, even the "blindfolded-and-tied-to-the-bed" routine and she STILL won't come!


    For gods sake Alan, how much emotional pressure do you need to put on a girl!!!

    Sounds to me that you are just trying TOOOO hard. She says that she has trouble achieving an orgasm and that it's not a problem for her so leave it at that. If it happens it happens, and it's far more likely to happen if you stop trying to force her into coming.

    It also sounds like you need her to come for your benefit, not for hers. You use the phrase won't come. You might say "well that's just semantics" and that I'm just splitting hairs, but I think that those two words say alot about your attitude. It sounds like you are (even if only subconciously) blaming her for taking away some of your pleasure by not physically demonstrating to you how good you are.

    If she doesn't need it then stop pressuring her.

    j9


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LOL! If a girl has never had an orgasm of course she is gonna say she doesn't mind not having one, because she has not experienced it and u cannot miss what u haven't had, right?

    Anyway, some women never achieve orgasm at all in their lives, no matter how 'good' their sexual partner is. But I am a firm believer that everyone is capable of having one.

    Its all in the mind and sometimes if u r under pressure to have one and u try too hard, it becomes difficult to have one.

    Most sexual problems r psychological so meditation can be good. Like I've said b4 on here, Taoism is excellent for this. I would definitely recommend it.

    However, if this is not what your girlfriend wants then its her choice.

    J9 hit the nail on the head with that one, because orgasms r great and all, but if your partner doesn't care about having one, that's her choice. You shouldn't push her into having one just to make yourself feel like you have not failed.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calm down and have sex in a car with the motor running.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Fair enough, I'll take your advice and not mention it!

    Didn't realise that I was putting any pressure on, we've talked a lot about it and I guess I was treating it like a bit of a challenge!!

    Thanks for your wise words. See what happens!

    :-)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Alan london:

    Fair enough, I'll take your advice and not mention it!

    Didn't realise that I was putting any pressure on, we've talked a lot about it and I guess I was treating it like a bit of a challenge!!

    Thanks for your wise words. See what happens!

    :-)


    I was a little worried that you might take offence Alan, I'm glad you didn't.

    Just enjoy yourself, if she loves you she'll get pleasure from that, & who knows what might happen <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    J9
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