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Why do things never work out as I hoped..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I would like to think of myself as a nice guy...I'm 20. Put it this way...I'm a little on the unexperienced side. I wont say I'm the best looking guy around, but I would think i'm definately above average..

If you read my post on my experiences with this girl here..

Anyway, I found out she broke up with him about 2 weeks ago, and moved back home. She didnt exactly tell me, I noticed a change for the better in her behaviour around me, and when pressed told me.

So I asked her out and the response was "I've been in a relationship for 3 years, and I've been single for a week....and I'm soo not ready for another relationship.

Not what I wanted to hear, but understandable.

Now I cant get her to even come out for a drink with me! Its almost like she doesnt like me, but when I see her, its like it used to be. When I pressure her to come out for a drink, she just doesnt reply to my msg..or makes up some BS excuse.

Bascially, she isnt telling me whats going on, and not knowing is REALLY frustrating me.

She works heaps at nights, so its hard to get her by herself, and I need to talk to her 1 on 1, not with her friends etc around..

I plan to "bail" her up when I see her out or something and basically ask her what the fu*k is going on, and whether she was just leading me on (I dont think she was..it went too far), or whatever...

I just dont know..she doesnt talk to anyone..her friends are out of the loop, i'm out of the loop. The thing is she's a really nice girl, and I really like. If I didnt, I would even be bothering.

I was just under my typical idealist impression that all would work itself out in the end, and when she finally dumped this guy I would be in, for sure. Doesnt seem that simple.

Any suggestions..?

Guess the saying "nice guys finish last" is true. <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oops, for got to post the link for the original story..
    http://www.thesite.org/cgi-noperl/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=4&t=001621

    Here is the msg for anyone who just wants this story...

    I am in your exact same situation.
    I met this girl at uni about a year ago. The first instant I saw her..something about her was different. I went out in the first weekend of uni and she was a barchick who served me. She recognised me before I even thought twice.

    Dirty looks all semester, but I was too scared to talk to her out of uni. I ran into her once when I was out last semester and she walked up to me and introduced herself. I got her phone number (something I would NEVER ask for, but I was WAY to pissed).

    I am 20, she's 19.

    She msgd me a week later. We saw each other a few times and the msgs got better and better. She asked me out during exams and picked me up. Then she hit me with it..she has a BF AND she lives with him!!!

    It was too late, I had already fallen for her, HARD.

    She met me a few times including a drive from one side of the city to the other, to meet me and my friends at 2am. We spoke till the sun came up. This was late nov last year.

    Msgs got better and better. She was telling me that she liked more than any guy she had ever met, and I was saying the same thing (but in reverse ). I meant every word I said, and Im pretty sure she did too. The msgs couldnt have got any better.

    She asked me over for sex (not in so many words, but not much more), but she had to work..and it fell through. I wasnt sure it was a good idea, and I am never one to "intervene", but she was something different...I also thought like the others above. How could I trust her if I knew she did it to him?

    (I know for a fact she has never even looked at another guy except me, )and she has also said it to me a lot), for the 2y she has gone out with him..and I was kinda flattered she even looked at me.)

    Anyway we met a few times more..my friends kept asking me to give her an ultimatum for my peace of mind. Him or me. She chose him, but I think its got to do with the fact that she will literally have to move back home if she chose me.

    This guy has never gone out with her in public for over a year..and in her words "treats me like shit".

    Anyway, one night I sent her a msg, and he got it. The shit hit the fan. Ever since then, basically she has been acting REALLY wierd. All her friends wont leave me alone, and she always comes up to my friends and me, but acts REALLY wierd around me. I am happy to just be friends until she breaks up with him, but its kind of frustrating how she acts when she sees me.

    Sorry, I got carried away. I am in the same situation as you and know how you feel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She probably hasn't got the foggiest idea what she wants either. No doubt she likes you but I think the best thing you can do is to back off and give her some space. She's still going to be thinking about her ex and getting over the fact a big part of her life's just disappeared. She probably wants to enjoy the freedom for a bit before she jumps into another relationship which requires all her time and energy. Let her come to you when she's ready
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arggggggggggggh i hate posts like these cause they confirm what i am very slowly learning like guys dont like nice girls they only fall for the slapper bitches. What about us, the nice girls who will never cheat but still shag like the duracell bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> *blood vessel in neck bursts through utter frustration*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Arggggggggggggh i hate posts like these cause they confirm what i am very slowly learning like guys dont like nice girls they only fall for the slapper bitches. What about us, the nice girls who will never cheat but still shag like the duracell bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> *blood vessel in neck bursts through utter frustration*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats what she is..she never cheated. As I said, I actually like that she never cheated on him with me, because how would I ever see her in the same light or trust her if I want to go out with her.

    I just wish she would talk to me...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    she's just leading you on, girls with boyfs do this to make as many people fancy them as possible to make life miserable for the nice girls, hate them hate them

    get over it mate, talking to her will just frustrate you more trust me <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lesse your find a nice man, as for the post i ashamed to say i didn't read it all.

    but for some reason mate girls like to be treated like Shit, or so it would seem. guess it the whole "Bad Boy" thing, i myself have just gotten over a bitch, she was a right bitch <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    anyway let time play its part and i bet she soon end up in your arms. Sorry about not reading all your post, i'm at work and stuff. but from what i did read it does sound like you have fallen for her

    i hope you get her and she worth all this hard work

    good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jees Leese, sounds like you need a bf and fast!!
    What about us, the nice girls who will never cheat but still shag like the duracell bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    sounds goood where can i get one of them from??? <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sign her up to a Text msg sending website (with her mobile number of course) then set it to msg notification when she gets an e-mail and then e-mail bomb her a thousand times...... or dont bother trying to make any contact and if she does get her head sorted im sure your the first person she will come to for a talk about it just lay of for a while, although it seems bloody hard it a waiting game im afraid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things have gone from bad to worse to terminal.

    One of my female friends who knows her found out that she was "with" (whatever that means I dont know) one of her ex's, ie my friends ex-boyfriend, whom she works with.

    This guy is 30 (!), and about as smooth and sleazy as they come.

    I snapped and basically went crazy. It was 4.30 in the morning, so a msg (5 actually, 1 was not enough!) was the only thing I could do...and perhaps the only way I can say everything I want without backing down etc..of course, no response yet...

    I just cant believe it came to this...

    I heard it at 4am this morning after working a 10hr shift at a club. Of course I cant sleep..so today could be a tedious day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's time to find yourself a new woman! She's not worth it anyway!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mate u need to talk to this girl face to face and find out what the hell is goin on!!

    otherwise you wont be able to stop thinking about her. i no what this is like,
    the same sort of thing happened to me and

    this boy last year he got back with his ex and finished it with me a few days after telling me he really loved me and i was going to lose my virginity to him!! (glad i didnt now) it took me a while to get him out of my head but it gets easier, so dont worry. what you need to do is find someone who really cares about you good luck!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    U need to forget about her m8, it wont be easy but ur guna have to
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got my reply..man did I get my reply.

    Basically she told me that she didnt lead me on, and she told me that she had told me that she was no longer interested.

    This NEVER happened. If she did, I would have walked. I wouldnt have liked it, but I would have let it be. I mean I didnt even see her for the month when everything changed.

    How I went from her favourite guy in the world, to not even being interested is still a mystery to me, seeing as I never saw her in January, which is when the situation changed. Apparently she told me then...

    Her reply was worse than I could have expected. It ended with "I dont even want to be friends with you and more".

    She told me what happened between her and her ex-bf was none of my business (which is isnt, and I never asked for that reason).

    Basically she snapped.

    She is a REALLY bad communicator. Her friends obviously dont know whats going on...she's one of these people who appears to bottle everything up inside them.

    It's over. A relief in a way..
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