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Under age sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Do you think that the legal age of sex (homosexual and hetrasexual) should be lowered in any way, or mabye even hired?
And also should there be stricter punishment for those caught?
Last question, should under age sex even happen? Is there an idea in modern life that virginity is a 'bad and evil' thing?


BaRt
Live Life On The Edge!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm, I've never heard virginity being classed as 'evil', but then maybe we move in different circles. It's unfair that the age of consent for gay men is 18, but when you consider all the problems we have with heterosexual couples having sex at 16, I don't think lowering it would help. (Sorry if I'm offending anyone.) But then, I don't think that moving the straight age to 18 would do much good either. If 11 year-olds are getting pregnant, the problem is much bigger. Everyone says it's illegal to have sex under 16 (for heterosexual couples) but what the hell does that really mean? I know I speak on behalf of the majority of people my age when I say that nothing seems to happen. A girl in my class got pregnant a couple of moths ago, and made it clear who the father was. Same age as her. Two or three of the teachers knew, nothing happened. No-one bothered about him at all. Of course under-age sex shouldn't happen. But what is under-age, really? I was 15 and I don't regret it at all. I was totally ready. Everyone's different.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the legal age for gays should be lowered to the same as hetros.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why is homosexual sex put at the age of 18 anyway? Isn't this homophobic, is the government affraid of gays or somthing? another point is that the law states the age for homosexual male sex, but not for female homosexual sex, sexist?
    And also the law states that a boy may be prosecuted for under age sex, but then gos on to say nothing about girls!

    BaRt
    Live Life On The Edge!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is a difficult one and I cant say either way wheter I think theres a point in having an age limit at all. In some ways I think that theres no point having an age limit coz nobody listens to it anyway but then if u didnt have one blokes of 30 who go having sex with 13 year olds would have nothing done to them, and I dont agree with that at all. Personally I think that its your mental age that really counts. Some 13 year olds r much older than their years and others r just your average 13 year old. If u feel totally ready to sleep with someone then thats what really counts. Not your phisical age in my oppinion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think there should be an age for sex whatsoever!!! If somebody wants to have sex then how are we going to stop it? Put cameras in every room in every house in the world? It is something that cannot be policed. Children should be educated more at school about sex!!!

    Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What would you do about dirty old men having sex with 11 year-olds then, Broken Heart? You have to draw the line somewhere or it will be a million times worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chica:
    What would you do about dirty old men having sex with 11 year-olds then, Broken Heart? You have to draw the line somewhere or it will be a million times worse.

    I don't think that Broken Heart considered that aspect when he made his post. I think i's important to have laws relating to age, but my views have changed as I have got older. I would heve given a different response when I was 16.

    IMHO there would be even more problems with teen pregnancies if the law was dropped, but I agree that better sex education has to be a priority.

    j9

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chica:
    What would you do about dirty old men having sex with 11 year-olds then, Broken Heart? You have to draw the line somewhere or it will be a million times worse.

    Sorry I think I worded that pretty badly!Obviously I think there should be a law for paedophiles having sex with 15 year olds! What I mean't was that alot of people have their first experience under the age of 16! It is stupid though because if a guy who is 17 has sex with a 15 year old it is him who will get in trouble NOT the girl. shouldn't it be both cause the girl is underage!



    The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Broken Heart:
    It is stupid though because if a guy who is 17 has sex with a 15 year old it is him who will get in trouble NOT the girl. shouldn't it be both cause the girl is underage!


    I agree, why should the girl get off scot free, especially as alot of the time she's probably led him on, and what if she's told him that she's over 16!!


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK in theory, but I s'pose the law is there for a reason and the assumption is that the 17 year-old would be taking advantage, which is very possible. I can't see a way around that one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by j9j9:
    IMHO there would be even more problems with teen pregnancies if the law was dropped.

    Do you mean if the legal age was lowered? Or if the law was dropped altogether i.e. scrapped?

    All-the-same, I'm suprised everyone has failed to bring up the fact that Holland has an Age of Consent of 12, and has the lowest teen pregancy rate in Europe. That compares to us with an AOC of 16 and the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe.

    I recognise the problem with peadophiles, and that, of course, has to be taken very seriously. But in all other cases I fail to understand how law makers arrive at the number 16 like that. Why 16? And do they think that people aged 15 years 364 days will not have sexual feelings, only for the feelings to "switch on" one day later?

    People are going to experiment at a younger and younger age. Pubity is occuring earlier and earlier. I assume sexual feelings are coming earlier and earlier too. I certainly remember how I felt at age nine. Er, I mean 14!

    There is no hope of stopping a proportion of people having sex below the age of 16 if they are horny: "I was 15 and I don't regret it at all. I was totally ready." - Chica.

    That suggests to me that the best thing to do is educate. Dutch under-16s carry condoms like England's under-16s carry cigarettes.

    Apparently there is also nothing like the peer pressure over there that there is here. Whether that is to do with the fact that sexually active under-16s are not doing anything wrong over there or not, who knows. Seems plausible though. You're cool if you break the rules, right?


    Harry is very definitely on the boat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont really know how to put this without making it sound like something I dont mean.
    Here goes anyway. I think that 16 is the age they chose over here because they think that its the averag age for when people are mature enough to make a decison like having sex and that it is the age most people are when they have finished or are more or less over puberty, and are able to deal with the consequences if they got pregnant.

    Personally though I knew what I wanted before that age and do class myself as quite mature for my age. I think that everyone is different.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Boat-boy, what I said was true, but that's just me, my opinion. I know a lot more girls that completely regret having underage sex. Just to confirm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by j9j9:
    I agree, why should the girl get off scot free, especially as alot of the time she's probably led him on, and what if she's told him that she's over 16!!


    This is true up to a point, but IMO men even only a year older have a big advantage in terms of seducing women compared with people their own age. Most blokes I know are aware of this, and I've seen a lot take advantage of this for a quick snog or shag.

    A lot of the time 17 year old blokes do go out with 15 year old girls because relatively they're easy. If the bloke is unconfident about girls his age then fair enough, but that's normally not the case; they're taking advantage.

    That's not to say I think it's always the case, but I think it is a lot of the time. Plus, the younger you are, the more vulnerable and likely to make mistakes you are. I think a 17 year old should always be considered to hold more of the responsibility/blame because in general they should know better. It's not like one 22 year old leading another 22 year old on and having sex with someone then getting pregnant or whatever - that's equal blame.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chica:
    Boat-boy, what I said was true, but that's just me, my opinion. I know a lot more girls that completely regret having underage sex. Just to confirm <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Chica-chick, I'm sure you do know people like that. What i'm saying though is that they still did it. It may be a source of regret now, but at the time, they were horny, man! And grown-ups/law makers telling them that they shouldn't do it, or they are too young is the last thing that is going to make them change their mind.

    Come on, most of us were rebelious at that age to the extent that we would do things we were advised not to because we thought we knew it all. "What do they know? Of course I'm old enough. I know what's best for me!"


    Harry is very definitely on the boat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, actually a fair amount are pushed into it one way or another. It's not always completely mutual lust.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chica:
    Well, actually a fair amount are pushed into it one way or another. It's not always completely mutual lust.

    That's one of the things I was trying to imply with my previous over-bloated post.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chica:
    Well, actually a fair amount are pushed into it one way or another. It's not always completely mutual lust.

    Good point. Didn't think consider that. Guess not so many blokes have to deal with that problem. If they'd call it a problem that is. Hehe.



    Harry is very definitely on the boat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    t#
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Spirit:
    I think the legal age for gays should be lowered to the same as hetros.

    yeah i agree
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I believe in today's climat the only way things can go is for the age of consent to be lowered for gays (bear in mind I have a bias of sorts here as I am bisexual).

    However in fact I believe we need a rather more complex law. The age of consent should be raised to eighteen for having sex with someone who is not your own age. If you are the same age as the other person, as long as neither individual coerces the other into having sex, then you should be able to have sex with your peers when you feel ready.

    I believe under age sex is only a problem when you have an explotative power relationship. This is why I believe progressive legislation would combine liberalisation with protection from paedophiles/ sexual abuse (exploiting power).

    I would not deny that some people may feel ready let's say at 15 to have sex with someone who is 17, but it is impossibly difficult for law makers to get into drawing arbitrary lines defining when someone has mentally 'matured' or not. Even with what I propose there is this arbitrary line of 18 after which I propose people should be deemed able to consent to have sex with someone older than them. Why this age? Well I think we should have a society where young people are given access to education until at least this age and that if we deem them old enough to vote at this age, and set up home independently of their family then we should also have equipped them with the skills to avoid exploitation by someone older than them. Of course the reality is that most of us get exploited in some way or another, but I suspect by this age - with a liberal education - the coping mechanisms will be fairly well developed.

    Andrew
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with you that this is a much better idea than the current system, though like you say there are still problems. Most obvious one I can see is: how exact do you make this same age thing.

    Do you do it (sic) by school year (where most people make friends with people 'their age') where people may be nearly a year apart or by straight-forward age (where people may conversely be in different school years). I mean, school years tend to determine maturity slightly more than age (both are pretty tenuous), yet two people in different years may be only days or weeks apart in age.

    So this gets complicated as well. I think in general it would end up being down to the discretion of all involved (parents, teachers, social services, police etc.) in terms of enforcing this. But it already is! In general, if people feel a minor has been abused they will act on it at the moment.

    I think maybe the biggest difference in practice between what we have at the moment and what you propse is that the 'age of consent', at which legally you are responsible for your own sexual behaviour would be higher, 18.

    I actually think this would be a good thing. People would still have sex at 14,15,16,17 etc... if they are doing it of their own free will with people 'suitable' (i.e. reasonably close to their age and not abusive) noone will do anything. However, 16 and 17 year olds are often still very vulnerable to predatory men and with a higher age of consent there would be a firmer legal basis to protect people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by JB:
    ....I think maybe the biggest difference in practice between what we have at the moment and what you propse is that the 'age of consent', at which legally you are responsible for your own sexual behaviour would be higher, 18.

    I actually think this would be a good thing. People would still have sex at 14,15,16,17 etc... if they are doing it of their own free will with people 'suitable' (i.e. reasonably close to their age and not abusive) noone will do anything. However, 16 and 17 year olds are often still very vulnerable to predatory men and with a higher age of consent there would be a firmer legal basis to protect people.

    Always nice to hear someone agrees. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    It is exactly because of this 'vulnerability' you describe that the age of consent should go up. Personally I can not accept the basis for a sexual relationship between someone of 16 and 50 (for example) which ever sex/sexuality they are. The 'power relations' are just too dubious.

    Andrew
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course girls my age can easily be taken advantage of by an older man, but the majority of the problem lies with boys our own age who are usually selfish and driven by their friends (the ones who pressure girls into sex.) I actually agree with both AndyD and JB on this, the age at which you are responsible etc should be 18. It probably wouldn't stopped me, though. Still, with the right tactics it could be very successful, but the chances of it ever working are minimal so long as the Government wastes time and money on 'It's Cool To Be A Virgin' campaigns.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Chica:
    Still, with the right tactics it could be very successful, but the chances of it ever working are minimal so long as the Government wastes time and money on 'It's Cool To Be A Virgin' campaigns.

    What I believe is crucial is very liberal sex education. I would agree that the government's present efforts r a waste of time. Promotion of this web site would be a better idea.

    I was fortunate that in my primary school (age 8-13) we had extremely frank discussions with staff where _absolutely_ everything we could ever want to know was answered. And the headmaster took the lead. My parents have also always had a fairly liberal approach.

    This meant when kids were ready, they had the knowledge they needed and were far less likely to feel peer pressure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think that the children should be educated any more about sex at school, but think that our parents should be educated on how to control us as we have come into puberty. I am 14 and I have really strict parents. I can't wait to have sex, it's my one dream, but I know that with the parents I have I won't be having sex until I am atleast 18. There shouldn't be an age for legal sex, it should be up to our parents to see when we are ready and mature enough to sleep with someone and become physically close to someone. I'm sorry if anyone doesn't agree, but that's just how I feel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi TaraReader!

    Nice to see someone from somewhere so different <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">. I think that the UAE takes a very different approach to this kind of thing... we're probably a bit blunt compared to what you're used to? Sorry if you find it a bit much.
    There shouldn't be an age for legal sex, it should be up to our parents to see when we are ready and mature enough to sleep with someone and become physically close to someone. I'm sorry if anyone doesn't agree, but that's just how I feel.

    You don't have to apologise for your views, don't worry. In fact, what you're saying is not as far away from what many people have already being saying here as you might think. I totally agree that one should wait until you are totally ready and mature enough, mentally and emotionally, and I think most people here do as well.

    I think the differences come from the way our societies are structured and the resulting different beliefs. For one thing, I don't think many people on this site have much faith in the majority of parents making the correct decision: some are overprotective, and some don't protect their children enough. That is mainly why laws around the status of children/young adults are in place... so that the system can provide a little protection where the parents may fail.

    As far as sex education goes, there are a lot of different approaches in European countries to look at and compare, and the end result seems to be that young people in countries with more sex education are more responsible and more sensible about sex: there are less teenage pregancies in countries such as Holland where the age of consent is far lower.

    I'm sorry, I do tend to go on a bit don't I. It's partly because it's very late over here (or rather early in the morning <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; ).

    It would be nice to hear more of your views about this.
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    i think that explained it quite well JB! i do the same in posts, just go on far too much! i read one post someone had written and peopel objected to the lenght of the post and told him so. i think thats going a bit to far, for lots of people to point out the problem. but yeah, i know i shouldnt go on out of topic, and im doing it now, sorry!
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