Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Feelin frustrated

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,

I've been going out with my g/f now for nearly two months and in most cases things are ok, we get on well when we're together, we can talk for hours and I've fallen in love with her (although I haven't found the right time to tell her yet!) Just for some back info, I'm 21, she's 19 and we met each other in a nightclub, we didn't know each other before that.

There is one thing in the relationship that bothers me. When we started going out she was very honest with me and said "don't expect sex straight away" which I thought was fair enough and i respected her for saying that. however I don't feel our relationship has moved forward in a sexual way at all and here we are seven weeks later!!

It not the fact that we're not having sex that bothers me, it's the fact we're not doing anything at all. She wont even let me touch her and I'm pretty sure she has no intention of touching me. She wont even initiate kissing !!

The one time we did get 'very heavy' she went mad at me the day after even though at the time she seemed to enjoy it and she didn't say she was uncomfortable with me. It frustrates me 'cos it makes me wonder does she even think of me that way? I know she's not a virgin 'cos we did do the 'how did you lose yours' chat. Now I'm worried that if I tell her how I feel she'll be mad at me or think all I'm with her for is sex, but I do love her.

How do I approach her about this without upsetting her, we get on so well but I'm afraid to bring it up. It's really confusing me 'cos I care about her so much but I shouldn't have to have to feel ashamed about feeling for her in a sexual way, I want to make her happy in every way I can. Am I being selfish or impatient?

Thanks for listening :-)

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mmh maybe something has happened her in the past and she is just waiting to see if she can trust you before doing anything. You could just have a talk with her but dont try and force her into anything.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I totally agree with beatnu, maybe something happened to her that she feels if it happens again she might get hurt. You just have to be brave and let it come out, cause the longer you leave, she'll start to suspect your hiding something from her. You really sound like you like her and with her honesty and your love for her, I'm sure you can manage to express your feelings.


    Give it a go! <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww the night club, god bless you night clubs
    well yes their is not much else to say that the other have not said

    you do need to find out what makes her fear sex, but 7 weeks maybe abit long from a blokes view but if she scared of it for some reason you can't blame her for not wanting it, she could have slept with someone in the past and he told everyone, (for some reason girl don't like that) can't understand why
    <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    maybe you need to ask her about her past, its best you don't go digging in her past with out her blessing.

    happy huntting
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really would give it a bit longer.

    Maybe she did enjoy it, but it's understandable she might feel a bit uncomfortable with you, it has only been 7 weeks after all...you're just getting to know each other. Tell her you love her and make it clear you're not expecting anything.

    If you suspect a past experience is causing her problems with you, then give it a bit longer and when there's more trust between you she'll be more inclined to talk to you about it, especially knowing that you care about her.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    7 weeks isnt really that long if you take into consideration that she didnt know you even existed and never met you until just 7 weeks ago. give her time and im sure she'll be fine
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ta for all your advise, really thanks <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    I've decided I'm gonna wait and be patient. As Sarah said seven weeks isn't that long to know someone from scratch. Just hadn't thought of it that way !!

    I shall be telling her I love her over the meal in the flashy restuarant I booked for our two month btw, which she has no idea about (he he)

    Again, thanks !!
Sign In or Register to comment.