Being hurt by someone you really care about

Former Member

Background first.

Met girl, did stuff with girl. Start "relationship" with girl. Was really happy with girl. That went on for a few weeks.

Since New Year kinda thime, she's totally changed. She used to care deeply and stuff (her words) and then she went and aid she wanted an open relationship, because we were both young and stuff. I was really fucked up about that, and it took me a bit of time to realise that's not what I wanted or needed and then I got the balls to finally let her know that's how I felt. IMHO, if I'm in a rellationship then I'm in a relationship. If I'm not, then I'm not.

Now I've started seeing her again. Slept together a couple of times and all that. She says it's a fling, and again i've never done the whole fling thing, and I was quite weird about it. I then decided "fuck it, I'll be open minded about this" and just went with the flow.

But I'm so emotionally attached, I've got a lot of feelings for her and stuff. And I know it's not the sqame for her and stuff, which does hurt. Every time she ignores a text, it hurts. I know she's maybe seeing other blokes too, and it's got to the stage where I really don't care, because the hurt of not being with her is worse than the hurt of her being with someone else.

I know I've been silly. Totally confused, this has fucked with my head so much.

Any ideas or thoughts are appreciated

Former Member

End it! The more stuff you do with her the harder it will be to eventually cope with the pain of not being with her. This is why I hate open relationships and stuff - because in my experience it just fucks things up. You like a girl and you expect, if she likes you to, to go into a relationship. When she says "yeh but i want other people too" it makes you feel so sick and jealous...

End it now - all my advice!

Former Member

:yes: i'll second that advice! I was (kind of) in a situation like this but in the end she broke it off saying she wanted to be friends. It felt like a knife in the heart but it does get easier with time...

Former Member

Bri you both want totally different things and i really cant see it working.
I think you know in your head what you have to do, the sooner you do it the better imo.
Find someone who wants you all the time, not just when it suits them.
You deserve better than that

Former Member

I'm never assertive anough to actually do fuck all about it, I'm really not as confident as I maybe come across on here.

She's got a way of always making me do what she wants to do, like I really cant resist half the time, because the sex and stuff is good.

I alwyas feel cheap and used afterwards though, and that's when my head gets really fucked.

Former Member

Re: Being hurt by someone you really care about

Originally posted by Bri-namite
I know she's maybe seeing other blokes too, and it's got to the stage where I really don't care, because the hurt of not being with her is worse than the hurt of her being with someone else.

that's not true.
i was in quite a similar situation to you. i started seeing a guy and it was going really well then just after new year some stuff happened with him and he went quite unhappy. he didn't let me know this! so the relationship dragged on for a while. then he said he didn't want to go out with me anymore because of the stuff in his life even though he was falling in love me.

i was so gutted we kept on doing stuff and kept in contact for a couple of weeks even though we wasn't together anymore (although luckily for me he had no intention of pulling anyone else). it dragged things out sooooooo much and i was constantly feeling hurt and got quite depressed about it all!

i ceased all contact with him as much as it hurt me to do it. but that was the best thing i could have done. yeah i miss him stilll but not like i did because i can move on with my life. i can dream about finding someone else, i don't spend the whole day waiting for his texts or for him to ring and constantly being frustrated with the situation. i'm happy.
so it might seem like the worse thing right now to stop seeing this girl but just be honest with yourself. it doesn't make you narrowminded if you don't like the idea of an open relationship. it just means that you want commitment and love, which is only good when you get that back from someone else. don't hurt yourself anymore hun.

Former Member

i agree with the person above.

I was in a similar situation as well and the girl really messed with my head. Cutting contact is the best thing - just really, really hard. If i was u i would just delete her number, e-mail adress, msn and any other contact details.

You wont forget about her, i still think about that other girl and wish things had worked out but i feel like i'm back to my old self not obsessed with someone who doesn't want me. But by deleting her number i couldn't do any drunken phone calls/txt messages...so didn't wake up after a night on the piss worrying if i called her and feeling really ashamed that i didn't have the will power to forget about her. Gives your self respect a bit of a boost and you start to stop wanting to call/txt her.

good luck with it mate.

Former Member

What they said, pet.

Really, answer on MSN

Former Member

Originally posted by shatter_proof
But by deleting her number i couldn't do any drunken phone calls/txt messages

i hate that. i feel like such a loser the next day.

Former Member

Yep, was in the same situation before. End it now or it will just get worse!

Former Member

she's using you. get the hell outta there - TBTC!

Former Member

Originally posted by n00b1e
she's using you. get the hell outta there - TBTC!

Oooo I did that (TBTC). It's working nicely for me. I have been warning all of my friends too