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have i screwed up?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hia all,
this is the first time ive posted a message. Im Jade.
I wouldnt normally do this type of thing, but I only have one person who i can really talk to, and he's a reguler on here (cheese on toast) so i thought what the hell!!
Im 16 and dont know what to do with my life!!?? You may think this is stupid, and that im over reacting, or feeling sorry for myself, but im not.
i was never popular at school, when all the other girls were snogging theyr boyfriends in the yard, i just sat back and watched!! then my parents took me out of school when i was 11 to teach me at home (for no particular reason, they just thought it was a good idea!!) then when i was 15 i went to college, and for the first time was surrounding by a LOT of boys, who paid a lot of attention to me (this i wasnt used to). My parents are really strict im not allowed a boyf till im 18, and even then it has to be serious witha view to marriage!! (ye i know, sad aint it?) Im interested in boys, but im gutted cos i cant tell my parents. i screw up with most relationships cos im not really sure how to act round boys. Im still learning!! Now, im kind a with this guy who i work with, but because my parents are so strict, i dont get to see him out of work!! he used to phone me, and id answer if my parents werent around. but last night my mum caught me and took my phone off me!! thats how bad it is! so now i have no way of seeing him, and its killing me. its affecting the way i treat him and act around him cos im afraid ill get too close and too upset cos i wont get to see him. its ripping me apart!!!
I got so down last night, i ended up taking a load of pills and slashing my wrists!! i didnt even realise i was doing it, i dont know why. I thought i was breaking down. And its killing me!!
Ive ran away a few times, but ive got no where to go, so sometimes i feel like giving up on everything!!
I dont know if anyone has the answers???
Sorry this message is soo long, its just that i dont know what else to do???

<IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Jade.

    I'm David.

    It seems like you're in a hole for yourself at the moment. The first thing to say is well done for talking about it. It takes courage to let it out, as opposed to keeping it all inside, and that's the first step. The second thing to say is that this is a damn good place to do it. Chances are that someone will have experienced something very similar, and will be able to help more directly than I can.

    I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to your parents. Explain to them that you are 16 now, and have a right to see friends, male or female, and that you are perfectly happy to have a boyfriend. Parents may well be over-protective, but they usually aren't completely irrational. Maybe if you talk to your Mum and Dad, then they'll be able to explain why they think that you're not allowed a boyfriend, and why they think the way they do. Remember that they have more experience of life than you, and may be trying to protect you, so reassurance about your friends and boyfriends is helpful. If it helps, maybe they could meet the guy. It'll be scary for him, and probably scary for them, but parents have a tendency to proctect their children, and certainly, first girlfriends and boyfriends are nerve-wracking times. They need to appreciate that you need your own space and experiences for your own life. It helps if they trust the guy, and they will know then that there are certain rules. If you go behind their back, then they will only be more strict; it's a knee-jerk reaction.

    In terms of being depressed, then maybe if you can, see your GP, he might be able to help you. Talking about it does help, and all of us on here will be here if you need us.

    Hope that helps.

    *hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya David..I'm Phil <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    I'm the one who Jade knows IRL.
    Parents may well be over-protective, but they usually aren't completely irrational. Maybe if you talk to your Mum and Dad, then they'll be able to explain why they think that you're not allowed a boyfriend, and why they think the way they do.

    Her Parents are 100% STRICT Jehova's Witnesses, I haven't even been allowed to phone Jade even at the beginning when we were just friends.
    If it helps, maybe they could meet the guy. It'll be scary for him, and probably scary for them, but parents have a tendency to proctect their children, and certainly, first girlfriends and boyfriends are nerve-wracking times.

    I've met her mum, once, she got on well with me and didn't think she had a problem with me, but then she found an answerphone message with me swearing on it and apparantley means I have "no respect" for Jade, so now I'm not allowed to contact her.
    They need to appreciate that you need your own space and experiences for your own life. It helps if they trust the guy, and they will know then that there are certain rules. If you go behind their back, then they will only be more strict; it's a knee-jerk reaction.

    They won't appreciate it, she's 17 this year and my 14 year old sister has more freedom, they are really really screwed up! I mean she's not even allowed to go out with people outside of their religion, even though she doesn't look at it like (She's a bit confused about that too)

    We're both really stuck as to what to do..Thanks for your suggestions mate.

    Jade:

    I'll always be here for you if you need someone to talk to, or just someone to make you laugh, you know that babe.

    Don't worry about not being able to see me much, I knew at the beginning it would be hard and I would never, ever hold it against you, I know it's not your fault.

    I hope you can keep your head together because I really do love you more than anything, and you're the best thing that's ever happend to me..

    So look, keep ya chin up..and like I said earlier..we'll get you through this, just like you got me through my problems, OK?

    Love you with all my heart,
    Phil. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    (Sorry for the MEGA long post guys)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you Jade's boyfriend, or just a friend?

    *confused*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God knows, I'm "the guy" though!

    It's a big muddle, ask her!!! lol

    Cheers mate,

    Phil <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jade, is he your boyfriend?

    Situation is tricky. Will ponder, and ask thefairmelissa's view.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, at the moment, we havent decided.
    Were both afraid of calling it a "relationship", so we havent really made up our minds. we do really like each other though. but becasue i dont get to see him out of work, i cant exactly called him my "boyfriend".

    Hope that cleared things up anyway.
    Thanks to everyone whos replyd so far.
    its a big help
    Jade
    xxx <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know nothing on Jehova's Witnesses apart from they come to your door at the worst time, but you can't live your life like that

    i guess you already tried to talk to your Mum&Dad, i feel so sorry for you and there not much that can be done

    but you can't go on hurting your self, even if it is a cry for help because something may go wrong and you go to far

    have you know other family you could stay with?

    but at least you have more friends now and they can help you.

    i really hope you get out of this, its no way to be living. best of luck

    Harmless(A.J)

    <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm tough break, if they were my parents id just walk out the front door regardless of whether they told me not to or not. They wud have to like it or lump it!

    But thats just me

    Though this prolly aint what u guna do, u nearly old enuff to do what u want (even move into ur own house then no1 can tell u what to do) They cant treat u like this forever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Firstly, great post Melissa - it's great when people like you are regulars on here.

    I'm just going to say tread carefully with your parents because you run the risk of alienating them for a very long time. But at the same time, you've got to follow your heart. You two seem to be in love and love like that should never be broken. Try to impress upon your parents (both of you if possible) just how much this relationship means to the two of you, but do it tactfully and respectfully.

    And keep us up to date with how it all goes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Melissa,

    I have no problem with waiting around until Jade sorts her other problems out, my main priority is to get her through this, and even if that means backing off I told her I'd just be there as a friend for her is she ever needed it.

    Thanks a lot for all your help, it means a lot to the both of us, and hopefully with all of us together Jade will be OK in the end!

    And Jade, once again you know you mean the world to me and I love you loads so somehow we'll get all this sorted together, OK?

    Speak to you all soon,

    Phil.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi all,

    I'd just like to say a big thank you to everyone who posted a reply. you will never know how much i appreciate it and how much it means to me. Thank you!!
    And in reply to Melissa's question. I felt so ashamed and stupid, that it seemed like the right thing to do. i dont it in the dark with a stanley blade, but i didnt realise how bad it would be. It felt like i was in another world, it was a wierd pain, i cant describe. Afterwards i felt a bit better, but then in the morning really ashamed cos i never thought id do anything like that!!
    I felt really bad for the pain and hurt ive caused phil, and felt it was the right thing to do!
    I took about 10 co-codomols. nothing serious. i just wanted to get away from everything!!
    im sorry
    thanks again
    Love Jade
    xxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well to be honest its not the first time ive taken an overdose, and the first time i done it, i was ill, but it made me forget about my other problems, so i guess i was trying to do the same this time.
    I'd like to give a big hug to everyone, especially "Melissa",(and u Phil,lol),for taking the time and effort to help me with this problem, its nice to know that people are there for me now,as ive never been able to talk to anyone properly in the past. i luv you all!!
    I think i can get through this, and hopefully ill be able to confront my parent soon. i know for a fact they wont understand because the religion is a big part of our lives and they wont change, but hopefully they'll learn to accept it, and learn to love me for who i am.

    Thanks again
    Jade
    xxxx <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ladies and gents; I think thefairmelissa's back.

    I can't add more to what she's said, other than to reinforce the message of support for both of you guys. We're all here for you, and feel free to talk as and when necessary, ok?

    Take care

    David.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bye bye Melissa!

    I don't know you very well but you've really helped me and Jade out and I know she'll be very sad to see you go! <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Hope you sort everything out in your life and have a nice year abroad!

    Take care,

    Phil. <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry about your problem guys...

    I'm dating a Jehovas W girl at the moment... and I went thro some of the same problems.

    C-on-T: Have you considered going 2 meetings & learning a bit more about JW's? I started studying & as soon as her parents realised that i was serious about & the sacrifises i was going 2 make 4 their daughter they accepted me!

    A Face 17: Have you told Phil a bit about your relig & what its about? My g/f tried 2 hide it from me at 1st cause she thought i would be scared off. If phil feels this strongly about you then maybe he will join the faith? Discuss this with your parents aswell - it might be your only chance

    Take care...

    good luck

    Tri_me
    <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This one is a tricky one..

    She hid it from me at first and didn't even tell me she was religious because of fear of judgement, but I have no problem with that, at the end of the day, people _can_ be bastards.

    I told her I'd go to her meetings at the church to learn a bit more about it, for her sake and so if she gets upset or stressed etc she can talk to me with understanding.

    I was going to go once, but we had a few problems so I didn't go and then we had a few arguments..Mainly centered around her mother not letting her talk to me..I can hardly just turn up at their church now, can I?

    One main factor though, I don't think I would _ever_ join their faith. Nothing against the JW religion but I am currently Athiest and find many of these religions very infuriating...But I do respect individuals rights to their own opinions and beliefs, as she knows.

    I think the fact I'm willing to sit in and learn about their religion and try my best not to turn Jade against her family/religion should be enough to prove it, it's really de-motivating that being a good person just isn't enough <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    I'm willing to do whatever it takes..but I couldn't join the religion..I swear, smoke, smoke weed, drink, fight (if I have too), sex before marriage..blah de blah..

    I mean sure, I could change to fit into her family and religion..but that wouldn't be the person that she loves...Would it?

    What a mess <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Phil. <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hia "T M",
    its relly nice to know that theres someone whos in the same situation.

    Ive been a JW all my life, and its hard now that im a teenager, because there are somany restrictions.

    Mum and dad really want me to settle down with someone whos a JW, when im old enough!!

    BTW, where are you from?
    How long have u been studying.
    Id really like to keep in touch if you dont mind, it would mean a lot ot me!!

    Id just like to give Melissa a big hug, and thank her for the help shes given me so far. Im sad to see you go!!!
    Thanks again

    Jade
    xxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey AF 17

    I've been studying now 4 about 1 year... but i'm finding it really hard!

    its such a life style change... but wat can i say... i love the girl... <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    We still have some major disagreements... like sex b4 marriage etc so we both have had to compromise...

    I have come under lots of pressure from my parents and friends about it aswell... There is a lot of negetivitey surrounding the whole "witness" thing! Much because of ignorance i think.

    I live in South Africa... very far from you guys...

    i know that your parents believe that they have your best interest at heart... and witnesses do have a very different views about dating! esp the casual kind (a big NO NO).

    If you aren't considering leaving the faith & Phil isn't going to become a witness... then i do feel that your relationship is doomed... if not by your different outlooks on life - then by your parents & friends - and that goes for both or you...

    Tri_Me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you aren't considering leaving the faith & Phil isn't going to become a witness... then i do feel that your relationship is doomed... if not by your different outlooks on life - then by your parents & friends - and that goes for both or you...

    I don't think that's at all right, people all across the world live together in different religions.

    We don't really have different outlooks on life, we both just want to be happy..And she easily accepts the fact I don't believe in her religion and I accept the fact she does.

    And the more friends and family try to tell us we aren't right for each other, the more we're going to try to prove them wrong.

    Religion isn't the be-all and end-all, I'd be quite happy for Jade to carry on with all her practises as a Jehovah's Witness and it wouldn't affect us at all.

    Another thing I'd like to point out, is that although Jade does believe in her religion, she does find some of the things that are part of it wrong. Like she smokes, likes piercings, not really into marriage before sex (lol)..etc...

    This is why it's quite complicated, neither of us know what we want from religion, life, friends or family, but we know we want each other (for now! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">) Which is why we're going with the flow and trying to make things work.

    Do you think this changes things at all?

    Phil. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya guys

    I'm not really sure if I can add anything constructive to this at all as I've never been in your situation .... and thefairmelissa really seems to know what she's talking about. Hence this post is more just to offer you support and a friendly ear/shoulder/etc/etc.

    I hope that things do work out for you. You really seem to care and respect each other which can be rare. Good luck to you both.

    Loopi. xxx
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