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Had my eyes opened

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God how things have changed since i was a kid

    And the invention of the wheel :p

    jus' kidding ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jacq, i see you havent yet gained a full appreciation of sublime sarcasm, but your response shows progress!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kids need discipline. I've seen unruly kids with social workers trying to reward them for good behaviour. It doesn't work. Much better to punish them when they do something wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere
    kids need discipline. I've seen unruly kids with social workers trying to reward them for good behaviour. It doesn't work. Much better to punish them when they do something wrong.

    So what do you suggest, thumping them? Smacking them?

    Why bother when a cattleprod is much less work? :D

    Hehehe
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere
    kids need discipline. I've seen unruly kids with social workers trying to reward them for good behaviour. It doesn't work. Much better to punish them when they do something wrong.

    STRONGLY disagree !!!!!!!!!

    My Daughter went through a phase of being a little toe rag, so id yell at her or punish her and it did not work, she got worse.

    Kids do naughty stuff for attention so even if you shout at them, punish them they are getting the attention they need.
    I actually started to ignore my Daughter when she started getting silly and when you ignore someone (especially a child) they hate it.

    I do have certain rules and if she is playing me up i will say carry on and you will lose activites next week. She knows that if she continues to misbehave then on saturday or tuesday she will lose one of her after school activities and decides that its probably better to behave. she knows that if i say im going to do something then i ALWAYS follow it through, even if its not a punishment, so like if I say im taking her to McDonalds I take her, I never make promises i cant keep.

    So sorry but punishment is not always the way it works. I dont say let kids get away with stuff but they do need guidelines and they do need to feel that they are getting attention, so its better to give them positive attention rather than negative.
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    JadedJaded Posts: 2,682 Boards Guru
    I see punishment as being partly about consequences, and the way you disipline your daughter seems to me to be about the same thing BeckyBoo, saying if you don't behave this is what will happen to you - just as effective without being threatening or physically painful.... I agree about setting guidelines - it is all about boundaries!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LadyJade
    I see punishment as being partly about consequences, and the way you disipline your daughter seems to me to be about the same thing BeckyBoo, saying if you don't behave this is what will happen to you - just as effective without being threatening or physically painful.... I agree about setting guidelines - it is all about boundaries!

    The thing is if you are firm with a child and DO what you say you will then they learn that its best to do whats asked of me. I used to bawl and shout at my Daughter and it never worked, I could say NO pocket money and she wasnt bothered so I realised it was best to use something which she would not like, which at the time I beleive was going to Brownies. This night she worked me something rotten, was the child from hell so I said "no Brownies", I kept my word and she missed Brownies. She now knows if I say calm it or you know what's gonna happen she tends to go upstairs and calm down, then comes back down 10/15 mins later back to her normal self.
    So yes I do punish to an extent, but what I disagreed with in whowheres post was the bit where "you dont praise good behaviour". Praising good behaviour works because the child feels like they are getting attention. It also builds their self confidence like I say to my Daughter "That story is fantastic, your a brilliant story writer", so she has faith in herself and then she beleives that she is good and she can do things. So my view is positive attention DOES work and you praise good behaviour all the time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    So my view is positive attention DOES work and you praise good behaviour all the time.
    anyone who disagrees with this is not a parent and won't make a very good one in the future.
    of course you praise and reward good behaviour.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by morrocan roll
    anyone who disagrees with this is not a parent and won't make a very good one in the future.
    of course you praise and reward good behaviour.

    Same with animals really. If you reward them with positive attention, praise and whatnot then they learn to behave.
    kids need discipline. I've seen unruly kids with social workers trying to reward them for good behaviour. It doesn't work. Much better to punish them when they do something wrong.

    Wouldn't punishment work negatively because it would make the kid more angry with the world?

    You tend to find a lot of unruly kids don't tend to have secure home lives, I mean look at Bowlby's 44 thieves study. These (or most of the) kids never developed healthy attachments with parental figures in their youth. And in their teenage years resorted to petty crime. Perhaps then, primary attachments are a pointer.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere
    kids need discipline. I've seen unruly kids with social workers trying to reward them for good behaviour. It doesn't work. Much better to punish them when they do something wrong.

    There is a very basic principle referred to as "carrot and stick", you should note that it isn't just "stick". There is a reason for that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by morrocan roll
    i can remember when fathers rule was law ...there was no way kids would have drea med of behaving like the ones becky met.
    Yes, but that was in the days before single mums.

    I spent three years studying in Liverpool, including one year living in a flat in Toxteth. I have never seen such a dump in my life. The empty house next to ours had been totally gutted by vandals and the gardens were full of rubbish that had just been thrown over the wall. And there were plenty of other houses in a similar state in the street. I've seen fly tipping before, but not in the gardens of empty houses!
    And the noise! Further down the street was a house which always seemed to have loud rap music playing through open windows. And this was pretty hard-core stuff with swearing being played at full blast while kids played outside. (Want to know where they get their language from: look no further.)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere
    kids need discipline. I've seen unruly kids with social workers trying to reward them for good behaviour. It doesn't work. Much better to punish them when they do something wrong.

    Maybe you should actually read up on negative and positive reinforcement and psychology. Frankly I find it quite disturbing (but not altogether surprising) that you are a community cop.
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