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i'm such a bitch!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
okay i have a problem (yes again). i'll tell you the whole story so it makes sense:

i have always been a bit of a flirt (not intentionally) but it tends to get me into tricky situations. as a result i usually have several men. i used to think it was really good to have two or three boyfriends at once. then when i split up with my last boyfriend because of it, it really hurt and i realised that it was no way to carry on anymore. when i met my present boyfriend (we'll call him D)i decided it was gonna be different coz i really really liked him. trouble is, last week i went away on a course and met this lovely and stunning guy (who we'll call A). he let me know that he was interested but i was determined to do the right thing. as the attraction between us grew i realised that i couldn't keep away from him much longer and we got it together. i didn't feel really guilty (i dunno why) and i was annoyed with D anyway because he broke a serious promise to me before i went away. so i didn't speak to him the entire time i was away. i figured that the thing with A didn't matter as i wasn't too involved, it was just a fling. but then i realised i was falling for him and we started sleeping together. all the time i was with A i wasn't thinking about D because i was so hopelessly in love. then on the last morning i woke up and felt really bad. D has blonde hair whereas A has dark hair. for some reason looking over and seeing a dark head really shocked me, and i realised that whilst i wasn't feeling guilty what i was doing was wrong couldn't continue. trouble is now i'm home and still haven't plucked up the courage to talk to D coz i dunno what i'm gonna say to him. i feel like i should finish with him but if i do i'm scared things won't work out with A and i'll end up with no one. and also me and D have been through so much together that it seems a shame to wreck it all over one week, but i just don't care about him anymore. i just don't know what to do, its all a complete disaster.
help!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If u dont care bout him I really dont think u should be with him. I mean how would u feel if u was with someone and they really didnt care bout you? I know it would really hurtful. If you dont care bout this guy its not ur fault. People move on to different things. U just need to consider his feelings.

    Hope Ive helped
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    end it with D if you dont care about him anymore. you still have times that you shared, that isnt going to change. maybe you can be friends once you've got over each other if you like him like that still?

    even if it doesnt work out with A, its better to be honest with them both than just be with D for the sake of it. its better to be single and happy than in a miserable relationship. you wont be alone forever if it doesnt work out with either of these, dont go worrying about that, if you are <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; go for it with A once its sorted with D, and good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds to me that you really don't want to be with D and your only with him incase things don't turn out right with A which is no basis for a relationship and you are using D. D deserves better he deserves to be with someone that feels the same way that he does and by the sounds of it you don't. If its A you like then you've just got to take a chance with him if it works out then great if it doesn't then you'll be single, is that really so bad. Your life doesn't have to revolve around the opposite sex you know.

    Good Luck
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me that you are TOTALLY insecure, from what you are saying. You are using both these men to satisfy your OWN insecurity and boost your OWN self confidence. The key word here is 'OWN', ie, selfish and only your OWN agenda is important.

    I expect you are one of these girls who has to be in a relationship with someone, anyone, but you cant stand being on your own. You said it yourself. You are frightened of being left with no-one. What are you frightened about???????

    As soon as your self confidence increases then you feel you are more marketable, dump mr average and move on to a more 'worthy' prey.

    The real victim in situations like this is YOU. YOu will never be truly happy as you are getting into relationships for all the WRONG reasons.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah but A lives a while away so we always said it would never work out, and D is so fragile that i just can't finish with him - he'd fall apart. its already taken me months to stick him back together. i care about him but theres no way i can't stay ith him is there? too much stuff has happened between me and A. i'm just so confused. i care about them both so much. i think i'm just gonna go and hide under a duvet forever! by the way johnny i am not insecure. i think that was a really unfair statement. i just don't wanna hurt anyone but care about them both.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by whizzygirl:
    i feel like i should finish with him but if i do i'm scared things won't work out with A and i'll end up with no one.

    i think being the fear of being left with no-one is a pretty good sign of insecurity.

    I'm sorry if i am being harsh but your predicament sounds so very familiar to me. My ex just couldnt make her her mind up either.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i spoke to D this morning for the first time in weeks and asked him straight out what was going on with us. he said that he was really annoyed with me over the way i'd been behaving before i went away. apparently i don't realise what a bad flirt i am (i am a bit but its never serious). then he said that was what attracted him to me in the first place, but now he thinks it attracts others in the same way. i asked him what he actually wants from me, coz it seems like he expects me to change for him which i refuse to do. my arguement is that its not fair to just start ignoring someone indefinitely coz your a little bit annoyed. ifhe was pissed off he should of talked it out with me not sulked like a child. he admitted that he thinks of me as his property and he wants to kill any man that comes near me. i don't know where we go from here. do i tell him about A??? do we try and make it work or give up????
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like Mr D is a bit of a nightmare. I reckon you should dump him and stick with Mr A. Unless of course there is a Mr B.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're going to have to end the relationship between you and D. There's absolutely no trust there anymore (and there was very little to begin with). D thinks of you as a flirt, and you've actually gone and cheated on him.......and now you're still considering trying to work at the relationship??
    Be honest with yourself...do you think you'd cheat again? Whatever D's insecurities (you said you spent a while putting him back together??), he still does not deserve to be cheated on and lied to. He's been honest with you so far about the way he feels. Don't you think you owe him the same?
    Take responsibility for your actions...don't hide behind your own insecurities.
    If you care about him in any way (and continuing to lie to him to "prevent" him from being hurt again is NOT caring)then you should end it now. He'll be more devastated if he finds out further down the line.

    Never piss into the wind!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/cool7.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stop being a hoe
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this is a really tuff predicament, i know i've been in it myself.

    and looking back on it now i would definitely finish with D. but i wouldnt go jumping in with A straight away. i would consider whether you actually need a bf at teh moment. may be a little space would do you good then you could retry things with A or just look completely else where but i'd say enjoy some time being single first.

    incidently does a live very far away from you and would a relationship with him be a "long distance" relationship?

    its not illegal til u get caught <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/mica/monkbum.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me like you are a bit of a slut no offence. I think that anyone that goes out with anyone should be able to trust the other person not to behave like that. I honestly think it is nearly a better idea to go out with someone that is not as attractive looking that someone that is good looking because at least you know that not every fella that sets eyes upon your girlfriend won't be thinking I wouldn't mind a bit of that. On the other hand some people get a kick out of having everyone looking at their girl.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by fatwade:
    stop being a hoe

    thank you so much. that really is very constructive advice..... not. don't bother to reply if you're gonna make comments like that.

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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    Originally posted by bpbfluteband:
    Sounds to me like you are a bit of a slut no offence.

    have a bit more respect for people's feelings, this girl has come on asking for help, not for eople to tell her shes a slut. what is the point in saying "no offence"? how else can you possibly mean it? it is said to cause offence, no other reason. so dont try and qualify it as anything otherwise.

    fatwade, grow up.

    Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its not actually as easy as some of you seem to think. i have decided that there is no way i can carry on the relationship given what has already happened. i think it was over the moment A and i had sex.
    i just never knew that day that i would meet someone who would become as special to me as A has. its sad that the relationship will end but i think ultimately it will be for the best.
    thanks to all of those who have given advice, i'm gonna go away now and eat a lot of chocolate ice cream <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    i'm not denying that women are stupid; God made us to match the men.
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