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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I split up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago after being in an intense 7 month relationship, at first I was totally in love with him but the jealousy and the emotional blackmail got too much and I ended up feeling unhappy so I ended it. I do still love him but i'm just not in love with him and I still want to be friends with him, even if it is a long shot but none of this is the point.

Well ever since we’ve split up i've just felt totally numb, I don’t want him back, I don’t hate him, I don’t miss him as a boyfriend, I wasn’t even upset. I feel like I should feel something and I feel terrible that I don’t. What’s wrong with me? :(

Tigerlilly :wave:
xxx

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think you should feel glad that you're not feeling upset cos that wouldnt be very nice really :(

    just be glad you could end it, you said you were unhappy so you can be happy now its over and you can move on with your life :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ps nothing is 'wrong'with you, its ok to want what's best for yourself and it was obviously time to end it. dont beat yourself up about not missing someone who made you unhappy
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wasnt unhappy with him, well only at the end because i was feelin so controlled. he is a great guy and i would hate it if he was no longer in my life, but the fact that i think these things but still dont feel anythin makes me feel bad does that make ne sense?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeh i know what you mean. i did actually have quite a messy break with my ex. i thought i was in love with him the i questioned whether i really was. this confusion led to me feeling numb then guilt. i also felt guilty coz i knew he was hurting and i was fine.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing's wrong with you at all! It's just difficult to deal with a break up like that so it looks like your emotions are just reacting by shutting down.

    It's very cliched and doesn't help too much, but all it takes is time really. Time apart, in particular. It's a great thing to try to be friends afterwards but only if you know you'll get on just as friends, and if you know it's not just because you're trying to hang on to the remains of a relationship. ANd you both definitely need time by yourselves to settle your feelings before you start working on a friendship.

    I'm not just preaching, I'm going through the same thing at the moment - I split up with my boyfriend at New Year and I'm sure we can one day be friends again, so we've said we'll try - but we still need a little time apart first, and not seeing him or talking to him very much is helping me, even though I miss him, to get used to not having him around.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tigerlilly, you and I should talk. You sound exactly like my ex who broke up with me two weeks ago for the same reasons. "I love you, but i'm not in love with you." And we also still wanna be really really good friends.
    So I'm kinda like the person on the other side of things...

    I'm interested to know how you can fall out of love with someone, I guess I just dont really wanna believe that he doesnt love me anymore.

    Maybe u could help explain these matters of the heart??

    And as far as the numb feeling goes, I kinda feel numb sometimes too, so I think its just a general human tactic to get over stuff really. Feeling numb= not feeling upset= better than feeling upset.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    falling out of love with someone doesnt happen over night. things might be different for what happened with your relationship but with me my relationship with him just exhausted me.

    he tried to stop me seeing my friends, and if i did see them he made sure he was always there, he made me feel worthless at times and we argued quite alot. he was very jealous and suffering from depression due to his past and i wanted to try and help him. at the end of the day i think i made things worse and eventually my feelings started to change and i started to care more for him as a friend rather than boyfriend.

    that makes the relationship i was in sound terrible and it really really wasnt, there were lots of great times too but the bad things are the things that made me realise that my feelings towards him were changing.

    i dunno if any of that is any help to you ryoko_rock but thats how my situation made me realise my feelings.
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