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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
After a break up, do you keep your leters/photos of/from your ex? or not and wished you had done?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    burn them it helps the healing processx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    keep them somewhere out of sight cos when you're over them and stoppped being bitter (it was all crap, etc) it's nice to have the memories saved... i still have my last ex's valentines card to me, and he broke my heart so badly that it took me almost 8months to pick myself up and brush myself off. but i can look at it now and smile.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    they usually go well on a dart board. After bout half an hour of throwing at it, It looks pretty good
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    or u can stick piccies of him with evil messages on them all around the area he lives. but do keep the things they give u cos sometimes u really want to look at them as a reminder. but make sure they are out of sight!!!1 <IMG alt="image" SRC="cool.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree, keep them somewhere private. They may make you smile with the good memories sometime in the future, or cringe with embarasement. But then you know that you've learnt something from the experience.
    It probably depends on how the relationship was and was ended though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    keep them, but dont read letters and stuff over and over coz thas jus gona make u feel crap <IMG alt="image" SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0"> null
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think it was Zsa Zsa Gabor who said 'I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back'.

    think about it . . . . .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have kept letters/photos/postcards from ex g/f's, love interests and lust interests, but my current Lady found 'em recently and I'm still in the shit for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't blame her! Not long after I moved in with my b/f, I was rooting through all his stuff and found a tape inlay that an ex had made for him, a personal compilation. I tore it up and flushed it down the loo! It didn't help that he often mentioned his ex's in conversation. Guys, don't do it, don't mention your exes unless specifically asked. It hurts.

    I used to write letters to one of my ex's in prison, kept al the ones he sent to me. My b/f not too happy about that. But that's another story.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose it depends how close you were and how long you went out and what the circumstances of the break up were.

    My dads girlfriend still keeps his stuff cos he died suddenly and I'd hope that any new boyfriend she gets will accept that everyone has a history.

    That's totally out of order to tear up someone elses private memories and flush them down the loo, how would you like it if they did it to you.
    What were you doing going through his stuff anyway - didn't he go mental at you for having such a snooping girlfriend.
    Everyone is entitled to a private life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i cut the photos up. he hurt me so bad that i couldnt bare to look at his smug smile. it was almost like he was looking at me laughing... god i'm sad. but what hurts is although he is with someone else and i have distanced myself to get over it he still insists on tormenting me. *sigh*. will it ever end? <IMG alt="image" SRC="frown.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Actually byny, when I confessed to him he wasn't bothered. If he had been bothered then I would be worried. Ok, so I shouldn't have gone through his stuff, but I did, and if he wasn't bothered, WHY ARE YOU? Can anyone say that they have never looked through someones things when they are out?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    KrazedKT, my Lady also conducted a thorough search of my room to get my personal stuff, which as you say is not unreasonable, but she said she was just tidying up, which is what annoyed me 'cos her lie was so see through.

    I never raise the subject of ex g/f's, but my Lady seems to be on a mission to find out everything she can about all my ex's, why does she do this?? I'd be happy to forget them all 'cos I know I'm lucky to be with her, but she insists on badgering me constantly.

    Everyone has a past, no-one can change it, concentrate on the present.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lord (I will forgive you for hating Birmingham for now). I know where you are coming from. I used to always ask my b/f about his ex's. It's like a scab, I want to know but it hurts to know. It's a sign of insecurity, you have to tell her that you are with her now, the others don't matter.

    It just hurts to think of someone you love caring about another person. You can't help thinking things like-

    Did he have more of a laugh with her than he does with me?

    Was the sex better?

    Did they only break up cos she dumped him?

    Even, does he still think about her?

    If you are with someone and really care about them, you want to know everything about them. Including things that may hurt. Tell her a certain amount, then close the subject, treat her good and she will forget about it. I know exactly how she feels, and when I look back I feel a bit sorry for my b/f the way I used to ask him questions. Good luck lordy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my valentins prez from my ex this time last yr is stuffed in my wardrobe, i ripped the pics of my other ex up but got his teddy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's cos she needs reasuring that you don't feel anything for them anymore. i doubt she's really paranoid, and half the time probably just genuinly interested!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tend to get rid of the stuff really slowly. Usually I box up most everything right away- maybe throwing out some stuff but saving most of it in a box in a closet somewhere.

    I find that sometimes I really just want to see it all and look through past memories. Sometimes it helps me feel better and sometimes it makes me sad- I think that it depends on the mood I'm already in before I get them out.

    Right now they're hidden away so that no one would ever stumble across them unless they knew where to look. I would definetly get rid of them all though before moving in with someone or marriage. And definetly before I ever had kids- I would hate to find stuff from my parents previous relationships (of course as byny pointed out, every situation is different)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've kept a few bits and bobs, a couple of photos and some letters my ex wrote me when we first started going out.
    I don't personally see the harm in it, it's a reminder of better times. Just something to think about every now and again.
    But then I don't have a girlfriend to rip it all up for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SORRY KrazedKT. Probably sounded more aggressive than I meant to.

    I just get annoyed cos I have a friend who freaks out if the copy of Loaded that was 3 mags down in the pile of mags in her boyfriends bedroom (with Gail Porter on the cover) moves to the top because she assumes he's been wanking over Gail.

    I have to admit I have had a wee snoop around in the past and the desire to do so is so much greater when you have JUST moved in with a bloke. But now that we've been living together for 3 years I don't have the desire anymore!

    However I do think it can only be damaging to the relationship to constantly worry about your partners past and all the ins and outs of his previous relationships. I thinkl people would have a much better time if they concentrated on the NOW.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Byny, I agree, live for the present.

    KrazedKT, you don't have to forgive me for hating Brum, 'tis just an opinion!!

    Thanks for your words though, the situation is a bit more complex than that, but I do understand. If the past relationships of your b/f bother you, do you look for someone who has a minimal history?? (Just a hypothetical question) <IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i keep things but i dont really work if someone else has the letter and keeps forgetting to bring it to school hehe never mind hey!
    what i do is i have this box in my room filled with letters photos etc which i look at sometimes to bring back happy+sad memories i think its good.
    hehe
    boing boing!
    xxxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Lord..in answer to your q's, when i was first with my b/f, his past relationships really bothered me, partly because he kept mentioning his ex's. Partly because he is a few years older than me and so has had a few more "proper" relationships than I have. I was only 17 when I first started going out with him and although I had messed around a lot and gone out with a lot of blokes, I had had very few serious relationships, in fact I would say only one before him.

    It doesn't bother me so much now, we are coming up to our 2 year anniversary and are engaged so I know I am more important than the past. For some people though, like myself, it takes a long time to believe that!

    It's ok Byny. <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0"> I am not that bad!
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