Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

help me.. I dont understand women AT ALL

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK, listen, because I'm desperately in need of advice and my friends are all clueless. There's this girl...
cheesy I know, but I've completely fallen for her although I've only seen her a few times, and we haven't even pulled. The thing is I don't know if she's playing hard to get or if she just wants me to fuck off... she never calls me and it feels really one sided. But then when I do see her we get on really well. The thing is I'm scared shitless of rejection (I don't deal with it very well) and I don't want to try anything on unless I feel pretty sure she's interested. ALthough if she isn't I'm going to become a monk.
So, girls,and any guys who do know, although I don't think we ever do, tell me: how can I tell if she's being tactically aloof or if she thinks I'm stalking her? And if this is all too tragically self-indulgent then I'll understand if everyone ignores me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru


    Well Amigo, she's more than likely feeling the same way. All my youth, I felt the same way as you about the gentler gender. Come to find out, they’re not much different than us. Just like you have fears about the lasses, they have fears about guys. They’re afraid to be too forward in fear of scaring you away, just like you’re afraid to scare them away. Just as guys run the gauntlet from being bold and brave to being overly considerate, girls are the same. Funny thing is, you can be so considerate of their feelings that they may think you’re not interested in them. Think about it, could she be thinking the same thing about you as you are of her? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;



    Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.

    Translated: In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Archie you'll know if she dislikes you because:
    1. she tells you to fuck off
    The two of you get on well so thats not the case obviously.

    She'll only think your stalking her if you are. Don't ring for so long but don't decrease the amount coz that signals that something wrong.
    Perhaps just ask her, alot harder than good but drop it into one of your conversations such as, "is there anyone you like?" and hopefully the subject will come up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if you like her as much as you say you do, then its worth running the risk of getting rejected. It sounds like you dont know her that well at the moment, so you've not really got that much to loose have you?

    Just text her (less embarassing), and tell her you like her and ask her casually if she wants to go out with you sometime.

    Just go for it, then you'll find out exactly how much she likes you.

    You only live once- its better to regret something you've done that something you havent.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru


    Here's a thought; Why not build a friendship with her first? Treat her as a friend! You'll see if you have similar interests and dislikes. You'll learn what she likes and dislikes as a friend. From there, you'll soon learn if she's attracted to you. It'll be a good way to get to know her slowly. Once you feel bold enough, you can tell her how you feel about her. If both or one of you don't want an intimate relationship, you'll still have your friendship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with 63DH8 (catchy name BTW <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">)
    After months of agonising over whether or not to ask a girl at work out, I`ve decided to just be friends with her and see how things develop from there. This way I`ll get to find out more about her and I`ll also have more of a chance at finding out whether or not I actually have a chance in hell with her.
    If you really care for her as much as you say you do, try friendship first and just let things progress from there.

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not so sure about the friend thing. If you are already talking to her then maybe you should just tell her how you feel.
    If you go for friendship she may think you don't like her enough.


    The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Mr.Happy:
    I'm not so sure about the friend thing. If you are already talking to her then maybe you should just tell her how you feel.
    If you go for friendship she may think you don't like her enough.

    That is certainly true. But telling her straight off how I feel could ruin any chance I have of being friends with her. And if I can`t have a relationship with her, I`d be willing to settle for friends

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    right i have been in the same place as you are in now by the sounds of things . if you no any of her mates talk to them about her and ask them not to saying anything if you dont want her to no and alsio look at the way she is looking at you and if she keeps smiling at you that is a good sign and go for it and thhis is what i did and nowe we are really happy together so go for it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She probably feels the same as you. It sounds to me as though shes trying to keep you on your toes. I know its horrible but thats what I do, and I dont really mean to do it. It looks like she wants to make sure your interested. Tell her how you feel. It sounds like shes interested.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Time to read your bible and get ready to become that monk you're talking about buddy... Don't lecture too much about abstinence though k?

    Just kidding. ;o) I'm sure she's nuts for ya

    ~There are three types of people in this world : those who can count, and those who can't.~

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Archie_b, i havent read anybody elses response so i'll give my opinion. I suspect that she doesnt know how you feel about her and if she doesnt she isnt likely to start blurting her feelings out to you so she probably has feelings for you too but she also isnt sure what to say or do. I expect (aslong as you arent being super irritating) that she is LOVING the attention...in a non sluttish way i love having a guy's attention, i love a bloke being interested in what i'm saying. Its like a compliment. Try being open to her and she may well be open to you...honesty is 95% the best policy...xxx.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what I can tell, letting situations like this drag on is almost always less effective than getting to the point with the person. I don't mean saying "how come you don't call me" but taking a pro-active approach and actually being confident, approaching any situation boldly, with confidence that you can handle it. Be spontaneous - because anything can happen, planning what you're going to say doesn't always pay off - it just makes you more nervous and adds to any paranoia. If it does flop, count it as experience. The more experience you get, the more you will be happy dealing with these situations. after 5 attempts either sucessful or unsuccessful, I imagine you will barely think twice about advancing.

    My Point is that being able to more accurately guage a girl's feelings towards you should become more natural.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, just responding to the idea of becoming friends first- If you become friends, you'll probably get along great, and then you'll be left thinking that you should have gone out with her. Later, if you do end up with her, you will probably have a great relationship, but unless u get married or something, you'll eventually break up with her, meaning you'll never be friends in the same way again.
    However, if you ask her out first, harder to do I know, but hey if its worth it- so what, and she doesn't want to, then you can still become friends, and back onto scenario one. (unless ofcourse you do something stupid if she says no, like be rude or something). Good luck and take comfort that as I write, and you read this theres bound to be someone else, somewhere in the world with far worse problems than relaionships, so be happy <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have just read ambition's advice- I love the proactive activity approach, and in furtherence of the approach to attainment of those aims, I introduce a brilliant motivational technique- take a piece of string or rope- tie it around an ankle (not both or this could be painful) - pass the rest of the string over the back of the shoulder and give it a sharp pull. Though I've never tried it, many people have followed my advice at even though they wont admit, it works very well. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;
Sign In or Register to comment.