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committed men going to strip clubs

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your partner is not your posession, you cant stop them from doing something they want to do. So what, they go to a strip club, whats the problem ? In any relationship the partner looks and hopefully doesnt touch so its the same as these lap dancers, they can look but not touch.
    I cant beleive so many people sound quite prudish. Men look at books they look at porn so in all honesty they are being normal males who like to see a sexy girl. The time you need to worry is when in a nighclub when they are looking at females because they stand more chance of pulling these girls compared to lapdancers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would prefer he invited me along aswell :D lol.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Your partner is not your posession, you cant stop them from doing something they want to do. .
    so do you not believe in monogamy at all Becky?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    so do you not believe in monogamy at all Becky?

    i think you're all overreacting here.

    i can understand people getting a bit cross when their partner goes off and has a lap dance, but on my sliding scale of wrong doing, it's nowhere near cheating.

    on my scale, lap dance would be 'sulk for 10 minutes' and cheating would be 'leave'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    i think you're all overreacting here.

    i can understand people getting a bit cross when their partner goes off and has a lap dance, but on my sliding scale of wrong doing, it's nowhere near cheating.

    on my scale, lap dance would be 'sulk for 10 minutes' and cheating would be 'leave'.
    no, i didnt mean it like that, I was just going by becky saying that people shouldnt attempt to stop their partners from doing whatever it was they wanted to do because theyre not our possessions. While in principle I kind of agree,in reality it doesnt always work like that, because in a relationship, there are going to be some things that are important to them, and their partner doing something that they really didnt want them to do, could be problematic. If we decide that we can never tell our partners what to do, because we dont own them, then really we shouldnt be botheredif they sleep with someone else either, because they are not ours, and its not up to us whether they sleep with someone else. Of course some people do have open relationships, and if everybody in that relationship is 100% happy with it, I say `all power to them`I dont have a problem with that at all. I have a problem when people go behind the backs of the people theyre supposed to care about.
    If someone is completely secure and happy about their partner going and having lapdances, then there isnt a problem, but you cant say that she SHOULD be happy about it. I know I WOULDNT be happy about it, not because I think my husband is my property, but because I believe in fidelity. I dont want him to go and pay another woman to be sexual with him. If he wants to do that, then hes not the man for me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont think i'd like him to go but i wouldnt say no.
    i'd rather he told me in advance and yeah like kaff said for him to come home and tell me how great i am and how they didnt compare to me!

    i think as long as he told me he was going then it'd be more ok, not ok but more ok.

    oh and i dont think its cheating...not as if hes even gonna kiss her!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite

    I know I WOULDNT be happy about it, not because I think my husband is my property, but because I believe in fidelity. I dont want him to go and pay another woman to be sexual with him. If he wants to do that, then hes not the man for me.

    He aint sleeping with her, he is looking, which as i said any normal male does. You need to be more concerned about him looking in nightclubs/pubs etc because he stands more chance of pulling there. Lap Dancers are doing a job, they are paid to dance, be sexy and provocative. How many girls in clubs do exactly the same thing but dont get paid for it ? how many girls do you see at the pub wearing next to nothing with their G-string showing etc etc ?
    Watching a lap dancer is not cheating, its when he starts to touch he has gone over the top and if my hubby did that he'd have sore goolies for a month :D
    Look but dont touch, thats my motto.

    Will be back later to discuss this further as im about to go out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    i think you're all overreacting here.

    i can understand people getting a bit cross when their partner goes off and has a lap dance, but on my sliding scale of wrong doing, it's nowhere near cheating.

    on my scale, lap dance would be 'sulk for 10 minutes' and cheating would be 'leave'.


    i also agree :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i strongly believe if my boyf did this behind my back that i could never trust him. maybe thats over reacting, but thats how strongly i am against him doing anything like this. to me it would be like cheating! if he told me before hand...he either wouldnt go because of my reaction or if he went then that would be it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by **Cinderella**
    i strongly believe if my boyf did this behind my back that i could never trust him. maybe thats over reacting, but thats how strongly i am against him doing anything like this. to me it would be like cheating! if he told me before hand...he either wouldnt go because of my reaction or if he went then that would be it!

    Then I only have one comment for you which is you must be very insecure.
    Cheating is when you kiss or have sex with someone else (in my book), looking is not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by **Cinderella**
    i strongly believe if my boyf did this behind my back that i could never trust him. maybe thats over reacting, but thats how strongly i am against him doing anything like this. to me it would be like cheating! if he told me before hand...he either wouldnt go because of my reaction or if he went then that would be it!

    yup he should definately tell you beforehand, because without trust what is the relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by hybrid
    yup he should definately tell you beforehand, because without trust what is the relationship?

    but by the sounds of it even if he did want to go he wouldnt tell her anyway. The response given here was that if he did then that would be it, so the guy would probably do it behind her back anyway. (Thats if he was the type of guy who went to these places, not saying he does like).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    but by the sounds of it even if he did want to go he wouldnt tell her anyway. The response given here was that if he did then that would be it, so the guy would probably do it behind her back anyway. (Thats if he was the type of guy who went to these places, not saying he does like).

    oh i don't mean cinderella's boyfriend specifically, i just mean blokes in general should tell their other half that their going to look at a partially clothed woman gyrate in front of their face
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by hybrid
    oh i don't mean cinderella's boyfriend specifically, i just mean blokes in general should tell their other half that their going to look at a partially clothed woman gyrate in front of their face

    yeah i agree with telling the partner, id expect my hubby to tell me. Id be annoyed if he didnt, having said that if he did want to go and see them he would have the balls to tell me. Cinderella said that would be it so thats why i used her as an example, but any male who feels that his partner would not allow them to go would do it behind their back.

    You need trust and if she cant trust him then where does that leave the relationship ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    yeah i agree with telling the partner, id expect my hubby to tell me. Id be annoyed if he didnt, having said that if he did want to go and see them he would have the balls to tell me. Cinderella said that would be it so thats why i used her as an example, but any male who feels that his partner would not allow them to go would do it behind their back.

    You need trust and if she cant trust him then where does that leave the relationship ?

    our conclusion is? man must tell woman beforehand, woman must accept and trust the man not to do anything funny :yes:?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by hybrid
    yup he should definately tell you beforehand, because without trust what is the relationship?

    Why would the trust be broken if a guy went to a strip club without telling you? If he wanks about other girls has he broken the trust rule? - Hes not telling you so how can you trust him!:rolleyes:
    I would prefer he invited me along aswell lol.
    Mate did that with his gf. She ended up getting so much attention and she didn't mind. We were quite happy too.

    I been about 4 and half times now to strip clubs. Its bit boring now and in many ways a big waste of money but I'd still go again with mates cos we have a laugh.

    Thinking about it logically strip clubs are frustrating - Pay a bird to get naked and open her legs but you can't touch her! Sooner have a wank or save up and fuck a ho:p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My fella went to one in Bethnal green for his work xmas do a year or two ago. (His boss gave him £200 to spend as he please, and bought him a private dance....)

    Wasnt bothered at all.

    We went in the Spearmint Rhino area at Max Power a few years ago, and since then have been to a few strip clubs together with mates.

    Whats the problem? As long as the gf/wife doesnt get hurt by it all..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think a lot of comments here have focused on the physical side of cheating, defining cheating by like touching and kissing. Well, for me its a lot more than that, for me its a mental thing. I could perhaps deal with my boyfriend going to a strip club on a one off occasion for a mates birthday but going on any sort of regular basis would upset me, regardless of whether he told me or not. Because it would indicate to me that there was something I was lacking, that he needed to go and have another woman shove her bits in his face in order to have a good time. It would be like mentally and physically I wasn't satisfying him or something.

    Having a wank or whatever over porn in my view is completely different, because the girls in the pictures/movies are just like distant fantasies, they're something on the screen and not real people. Going to a strip club is different because you can see the girl, she is right there two inches from your face, you can look into her eyes and examine every contour of her body without a camera/another person dictating what bits you see of her and what poses you see her in. She is real, she is there, just like any other person in the place is. So I make that distinction.

    As I said, I'm not at all prudish or stuck up about these things and if it were a short term/more casual relationship I wouldn't be bothered. Perhaps if I went with my bf it'd be better as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by almost_innocent
    I think a lot of comments here have focused on the physical side of cheating, defining cheating by like touching and kissing. Well, for me its a lot more than that, for me its a mental thing. I could perhaps deal with my boyfriend going to a strip club on a one off occasion for a mates birthday but going on any sort of regular basis would upset me, regardless of whether he told me or not. Because it would indicate to me that there was something I was lacking, that he needed to go and have another woman shove her bits in his face in order to have a good time. It would be like mentally and physically I wasn't satisfying him or something.

    Having a wank or whatever over porn in my view is completely different, because the girls in the pictures/movies are just like distant fantasies, they're something on the screen and not real people. Going to a strip club is different because you can see the girl, she is right there two inches from your face, you can look into her eyes and examine every contour of her body without a camera/another person dictating what bits you see of her and what poses you see her in. She is real, she is there, just like any other person in the place is. So I make that distinction.

    As I said, I'm not at all prudish or stuck up about these things and if it were a short term/more casual relationship I wouldn't be bothered. Perhaps if I went with my bf it'd be better as well.


    I do think you said some really valid things there and i do agree with you on pretty much all of it.

    As i said ive been to strip clubs with my fella, but he has never paid for a dance himself (had one bought for him) but that was a one off, most of the £200 went on booze judgng by the state he came home in!!! Hes never paid a dancer anything we just go for a drink and a giggle with a big group of friends. Something different to do. If he paid or went reguarly (especially without me) i would get hurt by it all eventually, im sure i would.

    I think its more that id be upset because i know i cant compare to some of those dancers theyre stunning, wouldnt think he wanted them over me he always bugs me for dances, i know he loves me and thinks im beautiful even if i dont, its just more of a feeling not sexy enough in comparison, rather than im doing something wrong, or feeling that he didnt want me. I compare myself a lot. That would be my only problem.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I agree with you, I would also compare myself a lot. I mean some of them are bound to be lacking in the looks department, but there are a few that are absoloutely gorgeous with perfect bodies and whats more, they get paid to look sexy. So yes, one issue would be comparing yourself to them and feeling...well, inadequate.
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