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infidelity

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hmmmmmmm.....

Things have gone a bit crazy! Not so sure if this should be relationships or sex.....here goes..

I have a close friend who like me has only ever slept with one person. We are both still with the people we lost our virginity to.
I have other friends who are married and sleep around, or in long term relationship but who have a lot of experience...

In the past I have always poo pooed the idea that it's somehow wrong of me to have had so little experience but lately I have started wondering and developed a huge crush on someone I know in work. We went to a gig together and the offer was there for me to stay at his...but I declined. After that point, though I knew I'd made the right decision, I started to wonder if it was better to regret not doing something or to regret doing it!
And I sort've wished I'd just gone for it, but the Moral ME knew it was wrong.

Then - about a week ago I heard from my brother that my friend (Mentioned earlier) had been spotted snogging a bloke in a club (Not her boyfriend). Next time I saw her she said she had something to tell me, to which I replied that I knew what it was...then she told me the whole story...

Not only had they kissed, but they'd gone to a park at 3am and shagged!! They used condoms which suggests that there was a time that she could've said 'Woah - what am I doing' but still chose to carry on...All credit to her she went home and the next morning confessed all to her boyfriend......He laughed when she told him (Disbelief perhaps) and they are still together.

Now heres the bit where it goes all crazy.

Lastnight I went out with people from work, All blokes that I get on well with. My life is pretty much an open book and they know I have a long term boyfriend, that I am quite moral, that I had this massive crush but turned down the only opportunity I had with the bloke in Question.....

We had a few drinks and then one of my work Colleagues friends turned up. I've met him before, he's a nice guy. We were talking pretty much all night, then things changed when We went to another pub and he started holding my hand under the table! Then on the way to the third pub he slowed down and kissed me!! AND I KISSED HIM BACK!!

I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him, and I didn't ...but we did go back to his house and sleep in the same bed and kiss (Clothes were dispensed with). Its all so Juvinile, and not like me!!...He's only 24 and I'm 33!! I stayed there all night and it was lovely and sweet, cosy, but meant nothing...and we didn't cross the line and have sex....And it won't happen again....

but how can i go from being so 'moral' to letting something like this happen when my boyfriend and I are starting to get on better, talk about children etc...

I bet some of you will flame me for this but while doing so can you tell me why you think I've behaved like this? I was drunk but I can't blame that can I!!!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, i think, that you dont deserve anybody flaming you for that, and i doubt they will ~ im sure youll be beating yourself up over it enough!

    Thing is, its understandable, youve been with one man, youve been with him for a long time and theres going to be a part of you deep down that is going to appreciate the interest of others, that misses the buzz, it was different and exciting, and there must be a part of you that feels like youve missed something in being with your bf maybe?

    But you were brilliant in not sleeping with him, i think what happened is a test for any relationship & it comes sooner or later and fair enough you gave in but nobody could blame you for that. Fact is, you didnt take it further than a kiss. And as long as you never do it again, and never take that kiss any further. Youre not doing too badly.

    And it sounds like to me that you are still moral. You know it was wrong, you have a heart and you stopped it from being a bigger mess than it could have been.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well - it was slightly more than a kiss....I mean a man who wasn't my boyfriend had his hands all over my body and I liked it!!

    ho hum..

    The horrible thing is how easy I found it to lie...and how un-questioning my boyfriend was when i got back...an indication of how much we actually trust eachother?

    I hope it won't happen again (With a different man). I obviously never had one night stands, and I never thought I would, but this is the closest I've come to it! And it scares me how much I enjoyed it, how easy it was and how I could have got away with much much more!

    And...that the old ideas I had about one night stands being shit and just lowering your self esteem, and that only sad people have them - were so wrong!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmmm..perhaps I should have put this in relationships? Any way it can be moved?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my opinion is that you're an adult, and so it's up to you what you do with your love life...

    there are just a couple of things to think about. would it hurt your boyfriend if he found out? and if you're talking about having children, is that a good idea when you're not entirely sure about being faithful to the baby's dad?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think you deserve flaming, but I do think you need to sit down by yourself and work out what it all means.

    I understand the feeling of not having experience, as if youve missed out on something, but I doubt that thats the only reason. Why are you doing it now, is it kind of a last chance before kids tie you down or is it because you dont actually want to be with the bloke anymore?

    I guess the reasons decide whether its a problem or not, if its just curiosity then maybe its not so terminal to your relationship than if it was because you dont want the bloke anymore. But ID have doubts about having children just yet if you dont feel like you want to be tied down to either the baby or the dad yet.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I ever catch my gf cheating on me, it's over.

    No ifs, no buts, just goodbye.

    All I ask for is that she's honest with me. I've offered her the chance to have an "open relationship" before, but she wasn't keen on that...and I'm happy to see her and only her.

    If you can't trust someone then you shouldn't be dating them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I was your bloke and I found out, it'd be over.

    Bloody disgusting what you've done to him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by goose
    If I was your bloke and I found out, it'd be over.

    Bloody disgusting what you've done to him.
    I would be heart broken if it was my boyfriend. Not haveing sex but being close to someone is worse than just a quick shag. Well not worse but would hurt a lot more.
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