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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well... I thought I'd escape the (seemingly) yearly christmas blues, but I've been having a shit time the past two days, wasting most of my energy on trying to not break down crying. And it's the day before Christms. :(

I really want to do something to make my life better. Right now I feel so worthless, my parents are always making sarcastic comments to me because I don't have a job with school, and now I keep getting those awful grades in school because I don't feel motivated to do anything which makes me feel even worse. I know I will flunk this spring if nothing changes. Added on that I can't tear myself from the internet, which is probably both the reason why my life is getting so shit, and also my means to take a break from how crappy my life seems to be getting (something that has gone overboard a looooong time ago).

I can't be around many people at once because I just get silent while they talk to each other and feel left out. Then when I get them to myself I feel that I am really trying my hardest to demand unconditional attention from them for some reason. And yet I tell them nowt about how I really feel, while trying so very hard to be nice to them. I don't have many friends in real life, I don't let anyone get close to me, and in a way that's how I want things to be. At the same time I feel quite lonely.

It's tearing my up from the inside, and starting to seriously ruin my life. I've been dealing with this for about three years, but I keep being able to fool myself because I get those patches of "feeling good" (which often seems to me being hyper). I've become so accustomed to not telling anything that I am scared senseless of the idea of meeting up with a counsellor or my doctor (or just anyone at all) and try to tell them anything. I just know I will break down crying like mad, and refuse to say anything (a stunt I pulled with my mum two days ago). I am also so scared of rejection, that I'll be told what I'm feeling is just teen angst (which I've been told a lot) and I'll grow out of it. I'm also scared that I'll be told that my problems are so shitty and boring (which they probably are). Furthermore I'm scared of saying hurtful things about those around me just because I'm trying to put the blame elsewhere.

And at the same time I really want to overcome this. I want to make something out of my life. Right now, with all my school problems adding onto my social ones I just feel like everything is hopeless, and that I wont become anything except a burden to my friends and family.

I just don't know what to do.. I'm so scared and reluctant to actually reach out, to actually admit that I do have problems that I can't solve on my own. :( And I don't want to bring this out over Christmas, to ruin my family's Christmas celebration.. :( Actually, I'm just afraid to bring anything out at all..

Well, I'll stop now. I'm feeling really dizzy for some reason. I apologize for how long this is.. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system.. :|


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Fáfnir VII

    I hope you are feeling better now, it's horrible feeling like that at Christmas when everyone is supposed to be cheerful.

    In case you need to speak to anyone you can always give the Samaritans a call on 0345 90 90 90.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Lovely

    Xmas is often a time for people to feel blue and for any problems to flow to the surface as you reflect on the past year, but please don't despair. I don't know if you have spoken to a doctor or counsellor in the past, but from the sounds of things you have a dose of depression, especially if this has been going on for as long as three years [however I'm not a doctor so I can't diagnose really). I'm also not certain how your health system works in Iceland, but I would suggest you share how you are feeling with someone now, and speak to your doctor about how you are feeling as soon as possible. If you don't know where to begin, why not print out this page and take it with you.

    If you take that brave first step, it will all eventually get better for you.

    And remember the boards are always here, so you aren't alone...

    Take care my dear

    Susie xxx

    Have a look at our mental health and depression content here

    Mind also have a lot of useful info

    As Hels said Samaritans also offer a confidential listening ear, and they have an email service.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey there, i know how your feeling, for the past week i have been feeling down and agigitated and lost my appetite. im having problems with my college placement and its been the final straw to break the camels back. ive had a really bad year and thats just topped it really. im on tablets for depression and anxiety but my stomach is in knots ALL the time, i cant just put it to the back of my mind. its horrible especially at this time of year when you should be full of the joys!
    honestly the best thing is go see your doc. i went to see the doc to get my bp checked a couple of weks ago and when he asked me how things were in general i just broke down , i didnt realise how much had built up. i felt a bit better getting it off my chest.
    the doc will listen to you if he is a good doc and if he wont you can see another one. docs see this all the time and they can tell the difference between teen angst and depression, honestly they can.
    if you need to unburden yourself you can pm me any time pal. i know what its like x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you guys, I really appreciate it. :)

    I am feeling more stable now. I am trying to build up the courage to go see my doctor, too. Although I don't really know who my doctor is right now, my family is being tossed between health centres because they claim to be too busy for us. :rolleyes:

    It's just easy to shove under the blanket when I fall into my daily routine.. and forget until the next "breakdown". :|
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