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Lack in confidence

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Don't laff at me when u read this, but i have a problem that i have had all my life. I lack in confidence.

Not in the way that i don;t believe in myself, i mean, i do my job, and know i do it well, i get on with people, maybe shy to begin with, but soon come out of my shell.

But i will not get up and dance in night clubs, i'll do slow smoochy stuff no problem. It really pisses my boyf off, and i don't want him thinking i'm boring. I'm more of a karaoke queen (but won't do solos).

It started i think when i was small, and when i did dance the oldies would say "aawww how sweet" and i sort of got a complex about this and ever since thought people where watching me.

Ok now and then i may get up, but when i'm totally out of my tree.

How can i get over this "phobia" and learn to enjoy myself?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by mandi7810:
    Don't laff at me when u read this, but i have a problem that i have had all my life. I lack in confidence.

    Not in the way that i don;t believe in myself, i mean, i do my job, and know i do it well, i get on with people, maybe shy to begin with, but soon come out of my shell.

    But i will not get up and dance in night clubs, i'll do slow smoochy stuff no problem. It really pisses my boyf off, and i don't want him thinking i'm boring. I'm more of a karaoke queen (but won't do solos).

    It started i think when i was small, and when i did dance the oldies would say "aawww how sweet" and i sort of got a complex about this and ever since thought people where watching me.

    Ok now and then i may get up, but when i'm totally out of my tree.

    How can i get over this "phobia" and learn to enjoy myself?

    hey mandi. if anyone laughs at you for being brave enough to post ur problems, we'll sic spirit on them. she'll set em straight. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

    now i think that just because u don't like to dance in public or are slow to warm to people sometimes, doesn't mean you have a lack of confidence. in reading ur post, it sounds like you are very social. u get out to the clubs and u even karoake, even if its in groups.

    if you bf loves you, he'll understand that dancing in public is something you don't want to do and should be supportive. i think that problem lies with him, not you.

    but if you want to beat this, there ain't nothing but to do it. u need to get out there on the floor. if it will help, go out there with a big group of mates. after two minutes or so, i think u'll realize that other people r out there just to have fun, and that most other people are looking at others cause they really don't know what to do either and checking to see what moves others have. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

    once u understand that everyone out there is just trying to have fun, i think ur going to do fine.

    good luck.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the confidence thing could be also coz i put loads of weight on. I am losing it now, but everyone has said to me "oh you did pack it on a bit" and "you look better noe" whoch also makes me think people are watching me. That don't affect my boyf so much, he doesn't make me feel self conscious at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm like that tooo. Dancing i always think i look stupid ... but....... im generally just shy!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, i used to be really shy and quiet but the best thing 2 do, is forget what people will think about you and go for it. if u dont wanna dance in a club then that's up 2 you but if u do, wait till one of your favourite songs comes on and just get up, you wont stick out or anything cos everyone is doing the same.

    n if this doesn't work you could always get REALLY drunk, (make sure you dont do nething you'll regret the next day)

    love me ***
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    when i started goin clubbin i used to dread the fact that i would have to dance. but after a while, i just thought who gives a shit and i just got up ther and strutted my stuff!
    i still now get a bit shy, but i always sumhow get a surge of who cares, u only live once, and end up with sore feet 4 dancing 2 long.
    i also lack confidence and self esteem, i doubt everthing i do, and question my abilities. i espically have a prob with self esteem & blokes, but thats another post.h
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its nice to know i'm not the only one. When i do get totally pissed, i do get up and act like a twat then pretend i don't remember the next day!!! I also had a problem with lads when they approached me, i'd go all shy. Suppose that may be one reason why i looked on the net, coz i can express myself better and get all the crap out of the way better than i can in person.
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    Originally posted by mandi7810:
    Its nice to know i'm not the only one. When i do get totally pissed, i do get up and act like a twat then pretend i don't remember the next day!!! I also had a problem with lads when they approached me, i'd go all shy. Suppose that may be one reason why i looked on the net, coz i can express myself better and get all the crap out of the way better than i can in person.

    yeah i totally know what you mean mandi, i never actually looked on the net for a bf but i found 2! but i agree, you can ge tto know someone a lot better on the net than if someone just comes up to you.. i was talking to drifter about this last night and how i have no ieda what to say to a bloke if he just comes up to me, i get all tongue tied and my brain turns off and i either say nothing or far too much crap too fast! oh and go bright red.

    im the same about dancing, i never do it till ive had a few drinks and thene ven wheni start dancing i feel a right pillock! but eventually you get into it and enjoy it and realise everyone's dancing the same! its quite sad we need alcohol to go and have fun dancing though! after it wears off and yourte kinda sober if you dont drink too much i an still dance though, i guess you just the confidence and it stays there.



    It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches, only takes one match to burn a thousand trees
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