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What should i do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys!

thanks for the help you all gave me last time so i thought i would give you annother problem of mine!

I have been with my boyfriend nearly nine months and when we are togther we normally have really good times, but over the last few weeks i dont know if i can cope being with him, he gets very moody and angry about almost evrything!
I dont feel as if i want to see him that oftern, he rings me every nite, and always asks to see me and waht im doing, he has been though some rough times and he totally relies on me which i cant cope with, he always tells me he could not cope with out me and how im the only reason he wants to live. i tried telling him its to much but he does not get it. i dont think i could split with him as i think he would do some thing stupid.
It is geting beyond a joke as i cant go out with my mates and he always asks where i am and rings my mobile over and over again and most days i have 10 missed calls in the space of 5 minutes, and i may be in the kitchen and he goes on as if i did not want to speak to him and was egnoring him! aaarrrgh

dont get me wrong i do love him!

but i dont know how to tell him that i have my own life to. i did once but it dint work!

and im so scared that he would kill him self as he is very paranoid and un easy about everything. he is 20 and i go to sch with his bro im 17 and the ammount of times we have both been acuased of have affairs just because we spoke to each other in passing!

sorry i rather llong!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My friend had a problem with an over possessive boyfriend, he always wanted to know where she was as if he owned her and it got to the point where she couldn't take it any more, and she broke up with him. He took it really badly, taking roses to her house to beg her to take him back kind of thing, and they're still not speaking very much now (a year later), although he's more or less got over it.

    Harsh as it may seem I think that maybe having a trial split with your bf is the best option, especially if you try to talk to him and he won't listen, because it might help him to understand you mean it and that you're unhappy. Maybe he's just got too wrapped up in himself and needs bringing back to Earth.

    If he really loves you then he should try to change, and if he doesn't then maybe he's not the right guy for you. Especially if he starts putting pressure on you to stay with him or he'll kill himself, you don't need that. I know it's a big problem and I can't really help but I'm sure his friends would support him through a break up so that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

    Are you sure you still love him or do you love the way he used to be? Because maybe the time for you being happy in the relationship has passed, and you just don't want to give it up because of the good memories..... these are all just ideas
    and you don't have to take any notice of them!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what wild child said, plus, if you let it sit too long before you tell him how you feel, it just gets harder for you to break it off. u can't let him control u with threats like he'll kill himself. otherwise, u will always feel trapped and be stuck and unhappy for longer than u need to be.

    be firm and tell him time and space is what you need. sometimes guys like this don't always get the message. if he does seem on the brink of doing something drastic to himself, make sure u tell someone close to him you think he might be capable of something so they can take care of him and make sure he's going to be okay.

    good luck.



    [This message has been edited by Calvin (edited 05-04-2001).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Shine

    I reckon the others are right. I'm sure your b/f cares for you, be if hes expressing that as an obsession then its not really healthy for you or him. It seems like he's not paying enough attention to what you want so I'd just tell him that you need some space, and maybe if realises that you want to cool it a little he'll make more prescious the time he does have/speak with you.

    Anyway, I wish you good luck - I split up with my ex g/f because she wasn't giving me breathing space, and guess I regret it.

    Take care
    Huw
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i had the exact same problem with my m8 who had depression and was totally relying on me and it kinda got a bit hard to take.

    Wot i did was spoke to his best mates, ones that he had known 4eva and just told them to watch out for him and be there if he wanted to talk.

    It worked, i still help him, but his other friends do too, and its made things a lot easier for everyone! Plus i helped built a gr8 new frienship between him and his m8s <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    hope that would work 4 u?

    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We've got some stuff about this on TheSite:
    http://www.thesite.org.uk/relationships/lovelife/jealousy.html http://www.thesite.org.uk/relationships/lovelife/emotional_blackmail.html http://ned.thesite.org.uk/relationships/lovelife/emotional_abuse.html

    (the last 2 are mainly about breaking up, but there's still some useful advice in there)
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