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Insecure and its killing me!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I have a wonderful, caring boyfriend of a year and a half. We are so close and have even talked of marriage. However I am very insecure. He's had previous partners before me, while he was my first. The thought of him with someone else makes me feel physically sick. He has NEVER ever done anything to make me jelous or to alter my trust in him, he's completely devoted but I still feel insecure.
I hate it when he goes out with his mates, although this happens less than once every couple of months. I dont get whats wrong with me. I trst him but I'm so scared of being hurt. I hate myself for being so insecure. I have told my boyf all of this yet he just assures me I have nothing to be insecure about with him.
What should I do?
I love him so much. Hes my best friend. I feel like such a cow.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I like the signature.

    I think you have to relax; it's been a year? You need to trust him, otherwise suspicion will kill you both! Be calm. He trusts you, you trust him, eh?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I know your right. Problem is I am a v. emotional person. One sign of trouble and I head for the hills crying my eyes out. Pathetic I know <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just be happy you've got someone who wants you, cos you could have a complete dick who just wanted to park his pink caddy and doesnt care a bit about you. So just be happy you got someone who cares for you etc etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know it prolly sounds hard but you gotta place your trust in him. What you dont wanna do is make him feel like he cant go out and enjoy his time with his mates, cornering him into a situation where he isnt happy going out places on his own will eventualy take its toll and drive you both apart.

    It sounds like you have nothing to worry about, maybe it is worth looking into yourself to see why you feel so insecure, something that has happened in the past maybe?, untill then your gonna feel unhappy everytime he goes out, and he will pick up on that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi!
    I know how you feel I've been in exactly the same situation as you... I've been with my Fiance for a year and 8 months now. He was the first person I slept with, but he had, had 3 other Girlfriends before me which he had slept with, I know that 3 girls is nothing and he was in relationships ranging from 6 months to a year with them all so I should think myself lucky. But it caused me some real problems emotionally not because of the fact he'd had other girlfriends, it was the physical side,.. the thought that he had "been" somewhere else that got me. It seemed to make me angry that if I could only sleep with one person then why couldn't he... but at the end of the day I just had to grow up see that I was just lucky to find the person I love first time round, and imagine what I would feel like if I'd slept with other people and then realised they weren't the one for me, only to have it used against me all the time when I finally did find "the one". so your not alone and I promise it will get easier!
    love and hugs claire *X*X* <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi!
    I know how you feel I've been in exactly the same situation as you... I've been with my Fiance for a year and 8 months now. He was the first person I slept with, but he had, had 3 other Girlfriends before me which he had slept with, I know that 3 girls is nothing and he was in relationships ranging from 6 months to a year with them all so I should think myself lucky. But it caused me some real problems emotionally not because of the fact he'd had other girlfriends, it was the physical side,.. the thought that he had "been" somewhere else that got me. It seemed to make me angry that if I could only sleep with one person then why couldn't he... but at the end of the day I just had to grow up see that I was just lucky to find the person I love first time round, and imagine what I would feel like if I'd slept with other people and then realised they weren't the one for me, only to have it used against me all the time when I finally did find "the one". so your not alone and I promise it will get easier!
    love and hugs claire *X*X* <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi!
    I know how you feel I've been in exactly the same situation as you... I've been with my Fiance for a year and 8 months now. He was the first person I slept with, but he had, had 3 other Girlfriends before me which he had slept with, I know that 3 girls is nothing and he was in relationships ranging from 6 months to a year with them all so I should think myself lucky. But it caused me some real problems emotionally not because of the fact he'd had other girlfriends, it was the physical side,.. the thought that he had "been" somewhere else that got me. It seemed to make me angry that if I could only sleep with one person then why couldn't he... but at the end of the day I just had to grow up see that I was just lucky to find the person I love first time round, and imagine what I would feel like if I'd slept with other people and then realised they weren't the one for me, only to have it used against me all the time when I finally did find "the one". so your not alone and I promise it will get easier!
    love and hugs claire *X*X* <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know how you feel i am very insecure aswell the only thing i have lernt from nearly 3 years of feeling that way is it makes you depressed and will start if it hasnt already put strain on the relationship.
    I`ve started to look upon it this way if you partner is going to be unfaithfull then they will do it, worrying is not going to change anything.

    "Carpes Diem" Live for the moment
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I too can sympathise as I have been insecure in the past and my boyfriend is the only person I have slept with but I really think that to be insecure of previous relationships your boyfriend had is a bit silly. Everyone has a past, if you ever split up your new boyfriend will have to realise that you have a past!

    It is very easy to start expecting your boyfriend to spend all his time reassuring you, and to spend all his time with you, but the world doesn't work that way and if you can't learn to deal with it, it will make things very difficult in the future.

    He will probably have male and FEMALE friends, if not now then in the future and if you don't trust him then thigs will be difficult. How are you going to react to his female friends?

    You both need space adn you cannot expect him to drop every other social activity to be with you.
    I think you need to take some time to do some of the things you like doing, WITHOUT your bloke. Not to 'make him see what its like' but to learn that we all need the pressure to be off a little bit and we all need our own space.

    An insecure jealous partner is not nice to have around and its not his job to change you, it's your job to learn to live in the real world where men have friends other than their girlfriends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have been there too, over time it goes away. The worst thing is when you ask your partner questions about their exes, it's like picking a scab, you know it will hurt but you can't help yourself.
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