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amazingly stupid problem but...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ok, so here i am, one of the "dorks" at school who can't ever get a guy, but then my best friend introduces me to a good guy friend of hers, who goes to another school. my best friend also had a 2 year crush on him.

so the guy and i start talking, we get deep, we get to be really close and maybe even best friends. the guy dumps his girlfriend for me, and now he's my boyfriend. problem is, i feel incredibly guilty for taking him away from my best friend, since she liked him for such a long time and she's always waited for him to dump his girlfriend, but when he finally dumps her, he asks me out. now i'm getting doubts and i feel like i should dump him because ever since we have been together, my best friend and my bf's friendship has been zip. and what's worse is my best friend is getting depressed because she doesn't have a boyfriend, and almost all the guys she has liked has either liked a "popular" or one of her friends. so i feel really bad, i think she deserves him more than i do, but if i dump him, he'll get so heartbroken(ok i can admit that this guy is obsessed with me).

yeah. that's my problem, i don't require any replies/advice but it'd be nice. i just had to get that out.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well...the way i see it, she introduced the two of you. Did she introduce you both to be friends or for you two to hopefully be together??? If you like him go for it, your friend will probally get over it. If she is upset with the fact that you two are together, then i think you should figure out which means more in the long run, and who will still be by your side in a year, or two years...
    Good Luck
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by reposing soul:
    <STRONG> i think she deserves him more than i do.</STRONG>

    Why?
    Because someone likes you instead of her? Hrm, I dunno - maybe you're stuck in that 'I'm a nerd' mentality - therefore I should be sitting in the corner playing chess (over exaggeration, yes please) rather than getting the guy.
    Sure I think I'd feel a bit guilty, but hell, I'd be a bit smug too I think. Is she happy for you, or openly sprinkling weedkiller on your lunch? You don't have to feel guilty for having a boyfriend when she doesn't. That's her problem if she needs a guy on her arm to feel good. Sure, be sensitive to the fact she may be feeling down, but don't let that spoil the fact that you are happy in a relationship. Feeling guilt is an utterly pointless emotion, it achieves nowt and can make you end up resenting your friend when she can't be happy for you.

    Oh christ it's 5.30am so this won't make much sense but in one respect it has to be 'Fuck you, I'm happy - get over it' and another 'i understand blah blah blah.'

    Yeah anyway, good luck with it all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your not on your own, most people go through this situation all the time and its pretty much guaranted that youll be on the recieving end at some point everyone is you've just got to go for it if your friend is a really good friend, she'll put herself in your situation and decide.
    One of my best friends introduced me to his girlfriend and her identical twin sister, we quickly started seeing each other and fell in love but after a while his twin dumped him, giving "why cant you be more like Séan as one of the reasons" not surpriseingly he got very annoyed and made it clear that he didnt want us to be together. I stayed with this girl and once he realised how much i loved her he's come round im sure your friend will do the same, you just have to try and be a friend even though you know or think they may be angry with you. This best thing that helped for me was to get mutual friends to talk to your friend and try to explain the situation.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should stay with him. You were depressed before cos you didn't have a boyfriend, so now it's your chance to be happy. I know it sounds really selfish, and it's really sweet of you for thinking about your friend, but you have to do what you want. You can't live your life making other people happy.

    I hope it all goes ok.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should talk to your friend. Think how you would feel if your two friends got together and then totally left you out. I think you would feel crap and depressed too.

    First rule of frienship, never go out with someone your mate fancies, unless they tell you it is ok first.

    Talk to her and ask her how she feels. And make more of an effort to include her. Also, encourage the friendship between your boyfriend and friend, because she is probably really upset about that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well as above i reckon you should chat to your friend. Saying that it can feel incrediably lonely when your best mate gets a new boyfriend because suddenly they aren't always available for you liek they were at the drop of a hat before. This is happening to me, my best mate is having a baby but strangely with all her other b/fs she left me out and we didn't talk for 6 months at one point as she literally dropped me for this bloke and his freinds. With the new bloke well, we all go out together and i don't feel left out, they kiss etc. but not directly in front of me and its like we're all best mates. I doesn't bother me as he asks me bout uni etc....and it's all cool. However our other mate has literally been adbucted by aliens (been with the new fella). I don't blame her at all, but it makes you feel like you can be arsed trying.

    Hope that helps you see, you're not the only person in that situation and.... i imagine your mate is happy for you but feels a little left out. Include her but don't make her too sick with the kissy kissy routine <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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