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To move in or not to move in

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi All
This is my first time on here so be gentle!

I have a dilemma, I have been with my Bf for about 6mnths now and I'm really happy but he wants to move in together soon and sometimes I think it would be great but I'm scared of losing my independence....what should I do????

<IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    6 months is not a long time at all. Personally i dont think you should be living with yr partner till you marry them, but i can see me getting taken apart for that one...but those are my convictions. You must seriously decide for yourself though, and you need to consider a lot of factors...sex (if you're not having it already), basic lifestyle elements like washing dishes, the laundry etc. It's not always a bed of roses. For me, i wouldn't want to be married at my age (19), which is basically what living with a person is like. But, it's your life, so think carefully <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know your right, but I live in a shared house at the moment and I have to move out by September, I can't afford to live on my own so it would be for convenience as well.
    We have discussed all those mundane things such as the fact I can't cook!! but I can't help feeling like I'm being 'Roped in to it' - going with the flow. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    If you're not sure don't do it. The girl I live with asked me to move into her place four months ago. I got really excited about this and am very happy living with her but she has since decided she was not ready. This is now a problem for the relationship cos I feel a bit blown out and this in turn makes her feel boxed in. It's difficult to say the least. We should have carried on living seperatly and going out cos then we would still be cool and my feelings wouldnt' be hurt. Don't rush it!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    If you're not sure don't do it. The girl I live with asked me to move into her place four months ago. I got really excited about this and am very happy living with her but she has since decided she was not ready. This is now a problem for the relationship cos I feel a bit blown out and this in turn makes her feel boxed in. It's difficult to say the least. We should have carried on living seperatly and going out cos then we would still be cool and my feelings wouldnt' be hurt. Don't rush it!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The fact you're posting on here and sounding very worried should be enough to answer it for you..you're not ready.

    Yes, you could take the plunge and maybe it would work out, but would you be comformtable doing so?
    Personally i dont think you should be living with yr partner till you marry them

    Like you said with all the factors Toast..I think it's other way around, I don't think you should marry someone unless you've lived with them for a while...Living with someone incompatible can ruin relationships...as Jammin said (sorry to hear that by the way mate)..

    How would you like to marry someone, think they're the love of your life..then move in with them and either get kicked out or be kicking out..?

    I wouldn't <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    I don't think you should rush into this, maybe you could arrange something so you can give it a trial...?

    And be honest with him, tell him you're nervous and don't want to lose your independance etc... That may help him understand if it doesn't work out.

    Good luck darlin'

    Phil <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My boyfriend and I had the opportunity to move in together after only a few months together because several of our friends all wanted to move out including me and my boyfriend lease was coming to an end.

    It would have made a lot of sense for us all to live together - convenience, financially etc... but I refused because it was clearly far to early in the relationship for us to be living together and I just wasn't comfortable with the idea.

    I have no doubt that this was the right decision and I believe it could have ruined the relationship if we had lived together even (or especially) with other people. However, a few months later him and a friend moved into a flat together and having gone round on the first night and stayed over, I basically never left. We ended up living together after 4 months. After 6 months living together with another flat mate we gave notice on that lease and got a place on our own together. We been in the new place now for a couple of months and it's our 1 year anniversary on Sunday! (yay us! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> )

    I would never have thought this was the right way to go about things and if someone asked me if they should move in together after 4 months I would definitely think not to, but it's really not that simple.

    If you want to cook together, eat together, make a mess together, clean up together, come home to each other and wake up every morning to that same person, then you should live together.

    If you're not ready for that, then there's no shame in it. The worst thing is to move in together too early and fuck the whole thing up. If you're in any way unsure, then that uncertainty combined with the weight of bills, housekeeping and him being in your face all the time will split the relationship apart. You have to be sure you to want to be there to bother working at it and sorting out the difficulties otherwise all you'll see are insurmountable differences.

    Waiting won't hurt. Moving in to early could.

    Good luck. I hope you do what's best for both of you. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    [ 13-05-2002: Message edited by: Red Devillette ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    An article for you

    Susie <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi

    I'd just like to say thanx to all off you for offering your advise.

    I've virtually made up my mind - these feelings of doubt I have should have made me realise!

    Now all I have to do is let him down gently.

    Thanks again

    Luv Sarah.
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