Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

rape and virginity

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
right, not to bring up a sore subject or anything, but i think its a valid question which every personal experience will bring a different answer to.

I was just reading the 'how old' thread, and thinking about things...

if you were raped before you had lost your virginity; and somebody asked you a couple of years later if you were a virgin or not, and assuming you had not had consenting sex with anybody, would you say that you were, or that you werent?

I know what id say, but then its difficult, because although you might want to say that you are a virgin, technically you're not.

opinions?
«1

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think 'being a virging' is more an emotional thing than a physical one, obviously your hymen breaks the first time you have sex, so physically your not, but being a virgin is more than having an intact hymen, i think its about the first time you LET someone get that close to you

    so, imo, if you've been raped your still a virgin (obviously you had to be a virgin before the rape)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Char_Baby
    obviously your hymen breaks the first time you have sex

    :no: some people's hymen breaks a long time before they have sex.


    but interesting and valuable opinion :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree with what char_baby said, i think you would still be referred to as a virgin but i also think if it had happened to you, you would see it differently, as if they'd stolen your virginity away from you :(

    i think definitely from an outsiders point of view they would still be a virgin as they hadn't had sex of their own free will though
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that in my mind I would consider myself not to be a virgin but in my heart I would still be waiting to lose my virginity. Also - if someone (Just any old person) asked I wouldn't honour them with a reply anyway - whats it got to do with them, however, if A potential sexual partner asked I would explain that I was no longer a virgin but only because of the rape and so therefore any sex I would have would have added meaning and emotion attached to it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So many friends of mine have been raped, even my closes, and what can I do? Nothing, it's killing me. I can't take it anymore:(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    this thread brings to mind the fact that in a lot of countries, if your hymen isnt intact, your not a virgin and have no chance of marrying (no matter what way it broke)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    o

    p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by pyro
    So many friends of mine have been raped, even my closes, and what can I do? Nothing, it's killing me. I can't take it anymore:(

    there's nothing anyone can do except from the victims themselves. its all about self-respect and understand, and rebuilding your appreciation for yourself
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve
    What about if they used say a fire extinguisher instead of a vibrator and it broke?

    what on earth? :eek2:

    And I believe that... you wouldn't feel like a virgin anymore. Part of being a virgin is not ever having someone else inside you (from a girls point of view, of course!) or being inside someone else kinda... and if that's broken... even without your consent, you'd still have experienced that. So you wouldn't be a virgin to the experience of sex really... perhaps loving consenting sex; but not just sex. Does anyone get me?

    All the more reason for rapist's to be castrated.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve
    What about if they used say a fire extinguisher instead of a vibrator and it broke?

    yeah ta for that :rolleyes:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One of my previous partners was raped as a virgin. I was technically the second person she slept with (Good few years after the incident) but in her eyes I was the first. I think most people would go along with that way of thinking.

    If a rape-victim is asked how many sexual partners she/he has had how many do you think include the rape? I would say not many.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i count it as a half
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by NinjaMaster
    If a rape-victim is asked how many sexual partners she/he has had how many do you think include the rape? I would say not many.

    i wasn't trying to get at sexual partners or anything like that. this started mainly from another thread i read about the age you were when you lost your virginity.

    i would never take what anybody ordered as what i should think or believe, but i was interested in people's opinions, as im an undecided on my own.
    its difficult with my situation, as I had Jazmyn as a result of what happened to me, and yet i didnt make love with my partner out of my own free will until after that incident. Oh i dont know - its complicated.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: o
    Originally posted by Docter Lurve
    p

    why?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say just forget about the whole virginity thing. Too much status is placed on virginity which devalues other women.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    I would say just forget about the whole virginity thing. Too much status is placed on virginity which devalues other women.

    I remember being 'the only virgin' at school - and i was so proud to be able to say that, it made me really pleased with myself. especially at the age we were. except it turned out none of those girls who'd said they werent virgin's had actually had sex! They were all virgins. i find it such a shame when people feel they have to do that. it is degrading, and often people regret it in the future.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    imo, you lose your virginity the first time you have consensual sex.


    what a girl experiences with a rapist isn't sex, it's violence.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by byny
    I think that in my mind I would consider myself not to be a virgin but in my heart I would still be waiting to lose my virginity.

    i so agree with that
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was forced into loosing my virginity with my ex.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by girl with sharp teeth
    and your last comment makes no sense. how is castrating them going to help?

    it was a kind of off-hand comment, just as an after thought after an article I read. Anyway - sex is one of the most close things in the world; if someone completely abuses that then they should be stripped of their right - like in America where if you abuse someone's life completely (ie: murder) then sometimes you are stripped of your right to live.

    It was probably more an emotive argument than a clinical (is that the right word?) one, but... :confused:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    what a girl experiences with a rapist isn't sex, it's violence.

    I know that, but at the end of the day she has had intercourse. she has had a penis inside of her. whether she wanted it or not. so technically she's not a virgin.

    i suppose the real question should have been 'what is virginity? is it an emotional state; if this is so, then surely the person in question can decide to 'not' be a virgin, or to be a virgin, whenever the hell they want, despite having had sexual intercourse or not, as afterall, the word 'virgin' is just a state of mind. Or is it, as the dictionary suggests, the state of a person before they participate in sexual intercourse? In this case, theoretically, a rape victim is no longer a virgin, as they have experienced sexual intercourse.'

    assuming there cant be an inbetween, because to a lot of people this is the case, what is your opinion then? an emotional state, or a practical event?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by girl with sharp teeth
    in my humble opinion, the fact that it was a penis was irrelevent. it could just as easily been a knife or a fist or a brick. it was used as a weapon, so it should be treated as a weapon rather than a sexual organ.

    i totally agree with this comment, no matter what is used, it's a weapon.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by girl with sharp teeth
    in my humble opinion, the fact that it was a penis was irrelevent. it could just as easily been a knife or a fist or a brick. it was used as a weapon, so it should be treated as a weapon rather than a sexual organ.

    I totally agree...

    however I'd qualify. Although "date rape" or rape by someone you know and have have consensual contact before with is still rape, I would say that you had lost your virginity in that case. Basically, if it was a matter of a girl "not wanting to" but letting it happen or not refusing, it counts as losing her virginity.

    But a straight out rape isn't losing your virginity in the slightest, its a totally and completely emotional thing. Obviously "technically" i.e. biologically it is, but that means nothing.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: rape and virginity
    Originally posted by Quackstar84
    you must be such a strong person

    Not necessarily! I dont feel like a particularily strong person. Im think im strong in a sense that i get on with things, but not in a sense that i accept things. some people are very strong when it comes to things like this. but then i am on a couple of glasses of wine now and feeling quite sorry for myself, mayeb i'll feel a bit 'stronger' tomorrow
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its hard for anyone to understánd how anyone else feels about anything thaty happens in their life. i got my duaghter from what happened to me, so thats a wonderful thing, yet at the dsamne timew i know in my heart where she has come from, and thats not somethinfg i liek to thihk about. no one can say anything. and niether can i. unmless your offering me a glass of white (thumb)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: - sorry im geeting a hit tipsy

    yoiu wait til the rest of them see that!!


    dont jknow what to say sorry, im nmot realy concentrating today
Sign In or Register to comment.